Three
Summer
When I first told River that I wasn’t going home for the summer, his first question was why and the second was where I was going to be staying.
I hadn’t thought much of it. I figured I could stay over at one of my coworkers’ places, but I didn’t get much time to explain that to River before he was asking his roommates Stone and Moose if I could stay with them for a while.
Stone, as stoic as ever and holding true to his hockey nickname, didn’t care one bit. Mainly because he wasn’t even going to be here in Ellingbrook for the summer.
And all Moose asked was that I didn’t eat any of his snacks.
Seemed pretty fair to me.
At the time of agreeing, I didn’t think much of sharing a space with River. We basically grew up at each other’s houses but having sleepovers with our parents around is a lot different than sharing close proximity to my best friend when there’s a big ass elephant in the room with us.
We don’t talk about this past December but that’s easier to do when I’m not getting ready for bed in his room with him coming back from his shower without a shirt on.
It’s only been a couple of days since summer break started and I’ve practically moved into River’s apartment. Reminding myself that this is temporary only gets me so far.
Keeping myself in check proves to be more tedious when River has the gall to walk around without a shirt on.
His tan skin on display and the tattoo of an angel from the wall of Versailles on his ribs, only make it harder to keep the memory of him pulling me into his lap at bay.
Our tongues exploring the other and me kissing his jawline.
When he’s making food, I catch myself staring at his hands. The same hands that were gripping my hips tightly that night a few months ago.
In the moment, it felt right.
But when the reality that we were sitting in his room with beer bottles sprawled out on the floor came crashing down around us, we pulled away as if our touch burned one another.
Hours prior to that, my heart had been crushed. Not because Savannah had just broken up with me, but because of the conversation we had before the breakup.
“You never have time for me and I get that you have a lot on your plate, but that doesn’t stop you from making time for River.”
I tried to argue with Savannah’s observation and reminded her that River and I were just friends.
That’s what I genuinely wanted us to remain.
I had no intentions of ever being with River behind Savannah’s back. But even though River and I never did anything physical—he didn’t even know how I felt—spending any free time I ever had with him instead of Savannah was enough for her to feel that she and I were a lost cause.
Savannah told me that she could no longer pretend that she was okay with being second best in my life. And at the time I thought I was heartbroken because she felt that way. But then I realized I was heartbroken because it meant that I had to face the truth in what Savannah was telling me.
She was able to point out something that I’ve tried to keep buried.
A wet towel is thrown over my head, pulling me away from my thoughts. I rip the fabric from my head, only to be met with the sight of River smiling.
“Hey!” I throw the towel back at him. “What was that for?”
“You spilled your water.”
My gaze shoots down my body to see that I did in fact spill water all over my shirt by letting my cup tilt over a little too far.
“I meant to do that.” I immediately try to defend myself.
“Really? ’Cause it looked like you were in some deep thought over there.” River moves from the doorway and toward his closet.
I only watch the way his shoulders move with every breath for a split second before I realize what the hell I’m doing.
What am I doing?
River equals friend.
Friend equals someone you’re not allowed to have fantasies about.
“What’s got you so distracted?” River doesn’t even bother to turn to look at me, his attention solely on whatever he’s looking for in his closet.
“Work,” I blurt out.
Yeah. Work is a good answer. That’s a normal thing for any person to be thinking about.
River doesn’t even attend Kingswell—or any college for that matter—so he should understand having nothing but work on one’s mind.
Especially when said job requires you to be surrounded by men who think they can pay for your time and women who have nothing better to do than gossip.
Otherwise known as the Ellingbrook Country Club.
“Oh, yeah?” River finally turns from the closet, a shirt in his hand.
I begin to silently thank god because there’s no reason for him to be shirtless right now. Well, considering that it’s ninety-two degrees outside at ten pm and the air conditioner might as well be blowing hot air back into our faces, he actually has a perfectly good reason.
River continues. “None of the loaded rich women catch your attention?”
“Oh, please,” I scoff. “If I’m going to marry someone for money, it’s going to be a man. They’re dumb enough.”
River stands at the foot of his bed, the shirt now thrown over his shoulder and his palms pressed against the bed frame.
The veins underneath the skin start at his knuckles and work their way up to his forearms, raising his skin just enough to give me the urge to trace my fingertips along the veins.
Okay, seriously what’s with me today? I have to be ovulating or something. That’s literally the only explanation for what’s happening.
River raises an eyebrow expectantly. “Not me though, right?”
“Especially you.”
He looks anything but offended by my words, almost like he’s used to my lies by now.
Without a warning, he throws his shirt at me, once again hitting me in the head. “What the hell, dude?”
He chuckles. “Figured you didn’t want to sleep in a wet shirt.”
“I have my own clothes, you know?”
I turn the shirt from being inside out, fully intending to put it on anyway. It is one of my favorites after all.
“I know you have your own clothes. I’m just not sure you’re aware of that.”
I’ve been known to steal River’s clothes more often than not. Whether that’s to sleep in or because I grow tired of my own and need a shirt of his to wear out.
My fingertips brush the hem of my currently wet shirt, getting ready to pull the fabric over my head.
I’ve changed clothes in front of both Lily and River before. It’s usually not a big deal between us. It shouldn’t be a big deal. So, I’m not quite sure why I hesitate.
River catches it almost immediately.
“Did things really change that much?” He doesn’t have to specify what it is. “Because like I said before it doesn’t have to—”
“Nothing’s changed.” I abruptly stand up. To prove a point to the both of us, I rip off my shirt and replace it with River’s dry one. Making sure to keep eye contact with him. “See? We’re fine.”
The air grows thick between us. Something that’s been happening a lot lately.
Which goes to show that maybe something has changed but because neither of us seem to want to delve too deep into what that is, we ignore it completely. Or at least try to. But then we have moments like this that remind us kissing each other once was bad enough.
Nothing more can ever come of it.
Which is why I need to stop looking at him in any type of way other than friendly. And even that might be too risky so maybe I should resort to walking around with a blindfold.
I’m an Ingram-Ruiz.
I was raised to believe that I can do anything with enough hard work and determination.
And I’m very determined to never cross that line with River ever again.
River clears his throat and backs away from both me and the bed. “Did you need anything before I head to bed?”
Yeah, maybe a hug to let me know that we’re okay.
“No.” I shake my head. “But are you sure you don’t want your bed back? I’m fine with taking the couch.”
Moose had his rule about not touching his food and River had a rule that I would take his bed. No arguing. Yet here I am. Doing just that.
Maybe it’s because I don’t want him to leave yet but I know that right now it’s probably the best idea for both of us.
“I’m good, Summer. Besides, I don’t want to hear you complaining about your back hurting in the morning.”
I can’t help but smile. “That’s you.”
“Yeah.” He smiles back. “That is me.”
He heads toward the door but I call out to him. “River?”
“Yeah?”
“Love you lots.”
His shoulders fall like there’s nothing better I could’ve said right now. As if just like me, he needed a reminder that we’re still friends. The only thing that’d make this complete is if Lily were standing in here with us.
She’ll be here when school starts, I remind myself. But after not seeing her for eight months due to her frequent psychiatric hospital visits, I’m beginning to grow impatient.
I’m a pretty strong swimmer. Maybe I can just chase that cruise ship down.
River steps back into the room and hugs me. My own shoulders sag and I press my face into the crook of his neck, welcoming his familiar warmth.
“Love you tons,” he responds.
Just like he always does.