Twenty-Four #3
“Summer?” Savannah calls out to me, her voice following me down the hallway.
I feel her gently grab my wrist, stopping me from walking. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
I turn to look at Savannah. The hallway is dimly lit but I can make out her slightly frizzy, bubblegum pink hair. Her lips press together and her brows furrow.
I hate that she looks worried about me right now. I’ve given her no reason to continue to care about me. She probably should have cursed me out by now, but she hasn’t.
She’s still here. Still in front of me. Still someone I look at and see the fix-it to all my problems.
Savannah doesn’t deserve it. I know she doesn’t but I step closer anyway.
Her hands come to rest on my hips and I lean in to kiss her.
The urge to use her to get rid of the aching in my chest burns bright.
I want to push Savannah against the wall, just to have her moaning and hope the sound will replace any thought of River.
But kissing Savannah wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Especially not her. So, despite our heavy breathing and closeness, I pull away.
Savannah has always deserved so much more than this and now I’m aware of it enough to not let this happen. I know that trying to run away from the problem isn’t going to solve anything. In fact, it’s only made me feel worse.
“Savannah.” My voice cracks. “I’m sorry. We can’t—”
Savannah takes a step back, nodding her head. “No, you’re right.”
She clears her throat and I let my back hit the wall with a thud, sliding down it. I don’t think my legs can keep me up any longer.
“You were right, you know?” I whisper.
Everyone downstairs can still be heard but they’re too busy in their own bubble to bother coming upstairs. Either that or they don’t dare to.
Savannah sits down on the floor too, her back leaning on the opposite wall. Our legs don’t touch but we’re close enough that they could if either of us scooted closer.
“About what?” Savannah asks genuinely.
My breath shakes. “I like River. I’m sorry that I used you to try and get rid of my feelings for him. You didn’t deserve that. I didn’t do it intentionally, but I did and I’m sorry, Savannah.”
She surprises me by nudging my wet leg with her dry one. “I’m sorry too.”
Savannah has absolutely nothing to be sorry for. She’s the saint here. But she keeps talking before I get the chance to tell her this.
“I probably shouldn’t have been staring at you all day. I just…I miss you. I miss being friends. I just miss…having someone to talk to.”
We were friends before dating and…Jesus, what is with me and having a thing for my friends?
Savannah continues. “I’m not saying that what you did didn’t hurt me, but I understand how scary it is to be in love with someone you probably shouldn’t be.” Savannah brings her knees to her chest and picks at a thread on the sleeve of her cover-up. “I have a confession to make.”
I look away from Savannah’s hands to her face, but she’s watching the water drip from my hair and onto the carpet. I don’t rush her. It’s not my place. Instead, I wait.
Savannah nods, as if she’s officially talked herself into saying her admission out loud.
“I could never be mad at you—” she begins. “For having feelings for River because…you were just doing what I’ve done my whole life.”
“What?” My eyes narrow in her direction.
Savannah chews on her bottom lip, now looking directly at me. “You can’t tell anyone, okay?”
“I promise.”
Savannah puffs her cheeks out, slowly releasing her breath and nodding. “I think I’m in love with Analisa.”
“Analisa as in…”
“Yes.” She winces. “As in Leander’s sister.”
I try to think back to all the times we hung out, and maybe when I must’ve missed the way Savannah looked at Analisa, but I think I was so wrapped up in trying to ignore my feelings for River that I never paid much attention.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask, even though I’m probably the last person who should be.
Savannah chuckles. “I can ask you the same thing.”
It’s silent between us for a moment, until we both sigh pathetically and then laugh.
“So…what are we going to do?” I ask, wiping the burning sensation from my eyes.
Savannah shrugs. “Well, Analisa is straight so I can’t really do anything, but you on the other hand—”
I shake my head. “I tried but he…he said that we’d never work.”
It should feel weird to have this conversation with Savannah, but it doesn’t. If anything, it feels like we’ve never stopped being friends. A quiet understanding settles between us. It doesn’t fix everything but it makes me feel less alone.
“I’m sorry, Summer.” Savannah chews on her bottom lip.
I lean my head back against the wall. “Sav? Did Analisa tell you she wasn’t gay?”
“She and I have known each other since diapers, Summer. I’m sure she would’ve told me by now.”
“I don’t know.” I put my hands up in defense. “She’s always given me dirty looks. Even before you and I were together. Maybe you should look into that.”
Savannah smiles, a flash of excitement in her eyes. “I guess sometimes there’s easy solutions to the hardest questions.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I nod. “Maybe we should start following our own advice.”
Savannah throws her head back in laughter and I’ve missed that sound. I’d like to try and be friends again, if that’s something she would want because I’ve missed her too.