Thirty-One
Summer
Lily’s grandparents and my dads are making a way bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. Oh, who am I kidding? I love that we’re all standing in the Hollis’s driveway. River’s car is packed and a small trailer of Lily’s things is hooked to the back—all thanks to Freddie.
Papi had clipped a pin to Lily’s overalls, which has the word “congrats.” He’s also given me a small cooler of tamales. I haven’t decided if I’m sharing those yet.
Dad squeezes me in his arms and Papi joins in. I hug them back just as tight.
“You be safe out there, Lovie,” Dad mumbles into my hair.
I’ve only spent a total of a week with them—and half that time was spent with Dad in the hospital—but now with school starting back up in the next few days, I already have to say goodbye.
Lily stands on her front porch with her grandparents.
They seem to be giving her the same goodbye love my parents are giving me.
But River stands nearby, leaning on his car and looking down at his phone.
I’ve asked him a few times if he wants me to go over to his parents’ house with him, but he quickly declines each time.
I wish I didn’t have to leave the safety of my parents’ arms but a five-hour road trip back to Ellingbrook awaits us. I give my parents one last tight squeeze and pull away before I ask to be carried back to our house, so that I can pretend to be their little girl again.
“I love you guys.” I kiss both of their cheeks. “So much.”
Lily and I finish with our goodbyes and walk toward River’s car at the same time. He looks up at both of us, a smile on his face that someone who doesn’t know him would think is fine.
I want to ask him again if he’s sure he doesn’t want to stop by his house before we head out, but I refrain. I’m trying to hold back on the whole fixing things habit I’ve got going on. I’m sure life might get a little easier that way.
“Are you ladies ready?” River asks.
Lily and I turn to give one last wave to our families then turn back toward River.
“Yeah.” I smile at Lily. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
River takes turns to hold the back door open for Lily and the front for me. Once we’re all in, we stare at each other, smiling. This is what last year should’ve been like. Lily, River, and I all piled into River’s car, our first year in Ellingbrook waiting for us.
It might be a little late but at least now we’re all together.
Finally.
Once we’re all settled in and ready to head out, I notice River is staring at nothing but the steering wheel. From my peripheral vision, I can see Lily also quietly watching River until he finally looks up.
His smile is gentle, but not in the usual way.
“We have time,” I suggest. “We can always stop by for a few minutes.”
River quickly shakes his head and chuckles. “If they wanted to see me, they would’ve called.”
Lily scoots forward in her seat, her elbows resting on the center console. She sets her chin in her palm, staring directly at River.
“They asked my grandparents if you were coming for the summer,” Lily admits.
This only makes River’s shoulders deflate, and that smile falls like he can’t keep holding it anymore.
He doesn’t have to. Not with us.
River sighs, defeated. “They never call or text. They never try to fix this. They’re the parents. Them, not me. If they don’t care enough then neither can I. Not anymore.”
I reach for his hand that’s resting on his thigh. He doesn’t hesitate to lace his fingers with mine. Lily—despite physical touch not necessarily being her love language—rests her head on River’s shoulder.
River continues. “I just don’t want to keep trying to fix something that they don’t care about. I have Bora and Dae. Moose and Beth. You guys. If I walk into that house, all that’s going to happen is me walking out feeling like a piece of shit.”
Now I’m tempted to head over there and egg their house. I don’t know why it’s so hard for them to love River. God knows it’s as easy as breathing.
“So then we won’t go.” I offer River a gentle smile. “We’ll continue living our own lives without them.”
River kisses the back of my hand and smiles at me, as if I just handed him the entire world.
***
After texting Bethany, I slip my phone into my back pocket.
Apparently, she and Moose have decided to try a long-distance relationship. I’m excited for her, but I hate that she’s already in Japan and I didn’t get to say goodbye properly.
“Do you want anything?” I ask River, who is leaning against the side of his car, filling up his gas tank.
He nods and gestures for me to walk around the car and over to him.
I follow without any questions asked. I’m just getting ready to pull out my phone again to write down everything River wants from the gas station store, but he surprises me by pecking my lips.
“There.” River smiles. “I’m all good now.”
I gasp. “Just a peck?”
River doesn’t hesitate to pull me back into him, this time giving me anything but a peck. River squeezes the flesh of my ass, pressing me into him, his mouth making me forget where we are.
Lily clears her throat. “I guess I’ll just head to the bathroom myself then?”
I open my eyes and pull away from River to see Lily on the other side of the car.
She’s trying not to laugh but failing. A warmth creeps onto my cheeks, not yet used to Lily witnessing River and me like this.
It’s only been a few days since River and I became official.
I think it’s going to take some time to get used to.
River quickly kisses my cheek before pulling away and focusing on paying for the gas. “No, I don’t need anything.” He smiles at me and I go to link my arm with Lily’s as we walk into the store.
We both use the bathroom before we restock our snacks.
I know River said that he didn’t want anything, but I also don’t need to hear him complaining during the last hour and a half of this trip.
You would think the guy would be able to go that long without food, but he always seems to be munching on something.
With swim season quickly approaching and preseason training starting in just a few days, I do hold back on all the things I’ve allowed myself this summer. Well, besides the Red Bull. I obviously can’t go without that.
While I grab a couple of the light blue cans, Lily stands nearby, scanning the shelves for her own drink. I feel the need to ask, “This isn’t weird, right?”
Lily looks over at me, her eyes blinking a few times as if she was in really deep thought about which drink would be the best. Her gaze passes over me and toward where River is standing outside.
“You and River?” she asks.
I nod, my finger tapping against a can and replicating the racing of my heart. I can’t help but care what Lily thinks. She’s one of the few people whose opinions I actually care about.
“No.” Lily shakes her head. “Why would it be weird? Besides the kissing thing, nothing has really changed.”
I guess she’s right. River and I have always been pretty touchy and besides, time and time again the three of us have proven that we’re stuck with each other forever. Nothing has to change.
I go to stand closer to Lily, nudging her shoulder and staring at the shelves of Gatorade with her. I know that it’s not about the drinks. I know that she’s probably not even thinking or aware that she’s standing in the middle of an aisle in a gas station between Vermont and New York.
It’s more of an anchor for her. Just something for her to look at.
I don’t say anything. Usually, I try to remind Lily of her coping skills and give her solutions to fix whatever problem she’s created in her head, but I bite back the urge.
Instead, I just stand with her in the middle of the aisle.
If anyone dares to try and tell us to get out of the way, I’ll happily throw a can of Red Bull at their head.
Lily gently says something that I wasn’t expecting. “You guys are cute together,” she admits, like this is just someone else we’re talking about and not our best friend.
“You think so?” I can’t help but smile.
She quickly nods, finally reaching for her own drink. She then turns back around and smiles at me. It doesn’t reach her eyes, but I keep my mouth shut because my voice of reason to whatever is going on in that head of hers, probably won’t help much.
“Alright.” I once again link my arm with hers. “Are you ready to get this college party started?” I ask, jokingly for the most part.
Lily doesn’t know it yet but I’m going to try to make this year the best one she’s had yet.
She takes a deep, shaky breath and squares her shoulders. Lily nods, lacking any confidence. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”