Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
ASH
Tommy’s call has winded me more than a physical punch to the gut ever could.
There’s an article in some American entertainment press about the band, and apparently, I don’t come across too well.
They’ve published a couple of shots of me with women in compromising positions.
One of them being Dani. Tommy said Bernie is on the warpath.
I don’t know how it happened as I’ve never laid a finger on another woman. Not since I met Cal. The only time it could be was the night we finished the Album. The night Dani made advances I rejected. I’m confused; it didn’t go anywhere, so what the hell has the press got in their hands?
“Just spit it out, Ash. What do you want to say? Is it something terrible?”
Cal’s trembling voice jolts me out of my thoughts, sending painful knots to my gut.
The pain is so sharp, the look on Cal’s face so bewildered, I can’t do this to her right now; not when I’ll be leaving her for a three-month tour around the U.S.
with Dani in tow. Plus, I want to see for myself, the kind of shit this magazine has cooked up.
“No, Cal. Nothing bad. Just band stuff.”
I’m a total wanker because I can’t open up and tell her the truth, but I’m so scared of losing her, I won’t take any chances.
“Jesus Ash, why didn’t you just say that.” She puffs out a held breath, holding her hand to her chest. “You gave me a fright.”
“Come here.” The gravel in my throat, grates against my voice. I pull Cal close; my arms are tight around her as I hold her body to mine. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.”
I can’t stand to see the worry in her beautiful blues, but this is all I can give her for now.
If she gets to see the article before I do, I know the kind of pain it will cause.
It would sting like a bitch if the tables were turned.
The thought of her with another guy is the one thing I can’t handle and the one thing I pray never happens.
I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her. She’s my entire world.
I knock the thought from my brain, it’s only winding me up, and I should concentrate on Cal while I can.
I need her to know how much I love her, how much she means to me.
Kissing the top of her head, I say, “You know, even though I’m travelling around on a tour bus, thousands of miles away,” I take a step back so I can place my hand to her chest, “my heart is staying right here, with yours.” I mean every word.
“What’s brought this on?” She questions.
“Probably the thought of leaving here and knowing when I walk out that door, I won’t see you for another three months.”
I bring her close again while kissing down her slender neck and back over her throat. Her chin lifts, letting me roam over her skin. At the same time, the unease I felt in my gut earlier, turns into something different—a longing, or desire to cover her body with mine.
“No other girl holds a candle to you, no one else,” I whisper through my kisses now gaining momentum. I have this primal need to be inside her; to show her what she means to me and how deep my love is. It’s a feeling I’ve never experienced before.
My lips trail over the heat of her soft, delicate skin when she says, “Ash?”
“Yeah?” I ask against her neck.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I pull back momentarily, closing my eyes for just a second to swallow the hard lump in my throat. On a slow exhale of my breath, I say, “Yeah, I’m Okay. It’s just—I need to know you’ll wait for me.”
Her hand travels to cup my jawline. “You know I will.” Her touch smooths over my face. “You’ve never been like this before. Are you sure there’s nothing else on your mind? Don’t be afraid of saying what you feel because ninety-nine per cent of the time, I’m feeling it too.”
“I’m okay, honestly,” I lie through my teeth while controlling my hunger for her.
She rests her head under my chin, then sighs. “Shall I tell you how I feel?”
“Always.”
“Okay. I’ve missed you so much and…well, here we go again. Three months this time. Being separated from you is harder than we both thought.” Her tears drop to my thumb, now brushing against her cheek. She sniffs. “Being away from you...some days never speaking. I don’t know what I imagined, but…”
“But what?” I hug her closer, encouraging her to open up.
“Maybe I shouldn’t say it. What good will it do apart from making you feel bad?”
“Say what you feel. Isn’t that what you just said to me?”
Cal glances up, her eyes glistening from her tears. “I’m happy for you, I really am. You’re finally achieving everything you wanted. We should be celebrating, but instead, I’m sad for me, for us as a couple. I feel horrible for saying it.”
“We all have to be a little selfish sometimes.” Am I justifying my statement to her or me?
“What happens if some girl comes along and you’re…lonely.”
“It won’t happen,” I whisper. “Every day I miss you. Every. Single. Day. Anyone else would be second best,” I say from my heart.
“You sure?”
“You have my word.”
Cal rests her forehead against my chest for a beat, then sighs when she looks up again.
“You know what makes this worse? You asked me to go with you and I said no. I’ve got no one but myself to blame.
” She cries harder, hiding her tears behind her hands.
“I can’t talk to anyone about it, apart from Scott or Angie and I think they’re sick to death of hearing your name,” she laughs through a sob; unable to wipe away her tears quick enough.
“Don’t you have anyone here you can talk to?”
She shakes her head. “Not about you, no. I want to keep this on the low until I’m done with education. I wouldn’t want anyone to take advantage of me knowing you.”
“Cal, you’re bigging me up here. The success we’ve had so far could be a flash in the pan.”
“Doubtful,” she smiles through her sniffs.
“Okay, listen to me.” I slide her hands away from her face.
“Never beat yourself up about choosing university. It’s the right thing for you, Cal.
You have a life to live too and if that means we’re apart for a while until we achieve everything we both want, then so be it.
The time will come when we will be together again, for always, okay?
Please try to see this is only the beginning for us.
I didn’t fight hard enough to be with you the first time around.
I messed up, but I won’t do it again.” At this point, I kiss the shit out of her.
When we part, she seems embarrassed about her tears.
She looks away briefly before leaving my hold and reaching for a tissue.
“Just for your reference, you didn’t mess up, it just wasn’t our time back then.
” She continues to wipe her tears before taking a deep breath and smiling.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever told you how proud I am of you. ”
“I’m proud of you too, Cal. I don’t say it often enough. You’re so strong, so determined. You make me stronger just by being around you. I love you so much. More than you will ever know.”
“Don’t steal my thunder. I was about to say how your hard work is finally paying off. You’re amazing, Ash. Totally amazing.”
“As long as you’re happy, that’s all that really matters to me. Now, get back here,” I say as I take her in my arms and kiss the shit out of her all over again.
“Fuck!”
I wake up with a start; Cal’s naked body wrapped around mine. “Fuck, Cal? Cal? Wake up.” Her eyelashes flutter as she comes too.
“What’s the time?” she asks, her high-pitched voice cracking. She reaches over for her phone, tipping it sideways but I beat her to it.
“Just after 7am and I’m in deep shit.”
Cal sits up, drawing her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “What’s going on?”
My phone buzzes continuously with incoming messages. It’s been that way for the past couple of hours by the looks of things, but I had set it to silent and vibration mode off. I didn’t want to be disturbed last night. Cal and I had too much time to make up.
I search the bed, looking for my clothes then fight to get my jeans on. I catch the look in her eyes while I struggle to pull on one leg. She turns, laying her head sideways against her knee, staring straight at me with her sad, hollow eyes. “I don’t want you to go,”
“And I don’t want to leave, but I have to get back to London,” I say as softly as I can.
“Have you got time for a cuppa before you go?” she asks with a croaky voice while getting out of bed.
Her hand drifts over my bicep as she passes on her way to the kitchenette.
She fills the kettle then reaches for my phone.
“Oh, look. Dani’s calling you. Shall I speak to her?
” she giggles, and before I have time to speak, she has the phone to her ear.
“Hey, Dani.” There’s silence for a beat. “Yes, of course, it’s Cal.” She pulls a face.
“Give me the phone, baby,” I ask, holding out my hand, but she ignores me.
“Really? You’re kidding.” She looks towards me, a big smile on her face, excitement in her tone. “Hold on.” Cal reaches for the remote and flicks on the TV.
“What are you doing?” I mouth.
Her head bobs towards the TV. “Dani said you’re on—oh my God, your face is on TV,” Cal squeals, dancing around on the spot.
The next few moments happen in a blur.
The newscaster keeps talking while an image of the band, smiling and laughing, appears on the screen. I have no idea why we’re making the news until—
“…and quite the lothario. Koolum Law’s, Ash Chambers, was caught in a sticky situation at the weekend.”
A grainy, dark photo appears on the screen. I know exactly where and when it was taken. It shows Dani with her lips firmly on mine, but I don’t look like I’m fighting her off. I look as if I’m kissing her back.
“Fuck.” I run my fingers through my hair. This is not happening. I freeze, glancing towards Calla, but she’s glued to the screen.
“Give me the phone, Cal.”
She keeps staring at the screen, so I take the phone from her hand and cut Dani off.