Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
ASH
I knock on the door, not knowing what to expect.
Will Cal ask me in? Or will she tell me to leave?
Repeatedly, I pull my fingers into a fist then stretch them out again as I wait for an answer.
I can’t believe I’m finally here, because, of course, I never could fly straight home after the phone call with Scott, as I wanted to.
We were obligated to a tour contract, and Bernie made it clear I had no choice but to stay.
I was expecting Scott to lose his shit when I had to explain to him.
Jesus knows I was losing it myself while I worried about Cal and what had happened to her, but Scott surprised me and was totally cool.
“You know, I get it, Ash,” he’d said with real calm in his voice. “It’s just the way it’s worked out, and I understand you can’t just up and leave a tour. I’ll explain everything to Cal. It will be fine, I promise you.”
I found a little hope in his confidence, until he added, “But you and Cal—you need to talk.”
“How can we when she won’t return my calls,” I asked him. “We haven’t spoken for nearly a month.”
“She’s going to call you, okay? This is important.”
Worried shitless, I asked him straight. “Is she dying, Scott? Because I need to know—”
“Jesus Ash, no. Nothing like that. She fainted, nothing more. Look, I’ll get her to call you as soon as she can. I know she’s desperate to speak to you?”
“Okay, tell her I’ll be waiting.”
When the call ended, I couldn’t settle. I paced up and down, not knowing what to do.
If Cal really was desperate to talk to me, did I take this as a good thing or bad?
Then I kept thinking; the longer we weren’t in contact, the further we would drift apart.
You can imagine how fucking thankful I was when I received a one-word text, less than ten minutes later.
“Hey.”
That one small word turned my world around. I didn’t hold back a second longer and called straight away.
“I should have believed you, Ash. I’m so sorry I treated you so badly. Can you forgive me?”
She sounded so fragile and scared.
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
“Yes, there is. I realise now, not everything is always as it seems, and it took me a while to figure that out.”
It took some time to calm her down. “Hey, I don’t want to dwell on the past month, I just want to focus on our future—that’s if you still want a future with me.”
I remember the pause between my question and her answer went on forever; I was bricking it. I really thought Cal wanted to end things between us. What she said confused the shit out of me.
“You might not want a future with me after today.”
It was the strangest fucking answer. “Jesus Cal, my heart is racing here. Why wouldn’t I want to be with you? What the hell is going on?”
Then she said the words, “I’m pregnant.”
It shocked me; plain and simple, and the “Holy shit,” which blurted from my mouth, was a knee jerk reaction.
“Before you say anything else, I have some stuff I want to let you know.” Cal’s voice was shaky when she added, “It will probably save you a lot of heartache.”
“Okay, but there’s no way—”
“Ash, please, let me say what I need to. You have no idea how many times I’ve rehearsed this entire speech in the mirror.”
“Okay baby, whatever you want.”
I heard her take a breath, maybe to build up a little courage. Then she said, “Everything has changed for you, especially in the last few months. I was the one who finished our relationship—”
“I don’t blame you. If I saw photos of you with other men, I’d feel the same,” I interrupted.
“Yeah, okay, but you can’t deny I’ve been stubborn. I should have believed you and I didn’t. It’s just, well, I didn’t know what to believe. Anyway, I want to apologise.”
“You already have,” I added.
“No, Ash, I haven’t. Not for this. Do you remember we promised to talk through our worries and always be honest?”
“I remember.”
“I didn’t keep my word. I let you down.”
“No—” I began, but she stopped me again.
“Yes, I did. I was too quick to judge. It was all my fault.”
“I don’t care about that.”
“But you might. As time passes, you might think back on this and realise I didn’t trust you when you needed me to trust you the most. I should have known you would never go behind my back with anyone else.
” Her voice broke when she said, “I’m sorry I let you down. If I’m guilty of anything, it’s that.”
Fuck, I felt useless. What good was I to Cal so far away when she needed me there? “Don’t ever say you’re sorry. It was never your fault. You were hurt,” I told her; hoping it would make her feel a little better. Then I added, “Can I ask you something? Since we’re being honest.”
“You can ask me anything.” Her voice cracked a little.
I took a breath, then slowly let it go before I asked, “The guy you were with when you fainted.”
“Eddie?” she questioned.
“Yeah, him. Do I have anything to worry about?”
“Are you asking me if he’s more than a friend? Because he isn’t. Nothing is going with him, I promise.”
“Okay then, we’ll park that one there.”
“Are you sure?” There was worry in her voice then. “There’s nothing more you want to ask?”
“Nothing, Cal.”
“Okay Ash, if you’re sure, then I’m going to give you my speech now.”
“You mean, you haven’t already?” I thought we were over the worst, but she had more to say.
“No, the thing is—and I’ve given this a lot of thought—but I don’t expect you to take me back just because I’m pregnant. All this baby stuff is probably difficult for you to take in.”
She paused for a moment then said, “I love you enough to let you go—if that’s what you want.
I never meant to hurt you or ruin your future.
It doesn’t seem right to burden you with a baby at this point in your career.
I expect nothing from you. This is up to me to sort out.
We can talk through the details if you want to be involved in the baby’s life.
I’ll never stop you from seeing our son or daughter if you decide you want to.
But I grew up with a parent who didn’t want me, so I will not put our child through the same painful experience.
If you decide not to be a part of our child’s life, I understand, and I’ll give them enough love from the both of us, but you have to decide from the start and stick to it. ”
I could tell she was crying from the tremble in her voice.
“I also don’t expect you to make this decision now. I know you probably need some time.”
“Have you finished yet?” I asked; controlling the tone of my voice so she couldn’t tell how her words had sucker-punched me in the heart.
“Yeah, I’m finished. Well, that’s as far as I got with the mirror.”
“Thank fuck for that,” I said, meaning it.
“How can you even think I wouldn’t want to be part of our kid’s life or even your life?
Jesus Cal, you’ve got to know how much I’m in love with you.
There is nothing I want more than for you and me to get through this.
I hate not sharing my world with you—I want that back; I want you back. ”
Is it weird to say, I heard the relief in her voice?
“If we do this,” she said, her voice still trembling, “and you decide to stay with me, I’ll never doubt you again, Ash. Never.”
“There’s no decision to make. I never left you, Cal. You’re buried way deep in my heart; you always have been. And now you’re having my baby, life couldn’t be more perfect.”
It was the first of a whole heap of conversations between us. So why now—when I’m on the verge of seeing her again for the first time in months—am I nervous as fuck?
Gentle slow footsteps approach the door while my heart leaps at the prospect of seeing her after all this time. It’s been too long.
The door slowly draws back, and I wait for her beautiful blues to meet mine, but I’m disappointed. Although her eyes are familiar, they’re also confused and don’t belong to the one person I’m looking for.
“Hello? Can I help you?”
I look down at the small, brown-haired lady in front of me. “I’m sorry, do I have the correct address for Calla Bryson?”
“You might have if you tell me who you are.” The lady asks.
“I’m Ashton Chambers. She might have mentioned me?”
Before she’s able to answer, an additional, slightly deeper voice questions me from behind her. “What can we do for you, young man?”
“Oh, hello there, sir. I was just explaining to your wife?” The woman confirms I’m right with a smile. “—I’m looking for Calla Bryson and was told she’s staying here. I’m Ashton.”
“Oh, you’re Ash,” the guy says, looking to his wife again.
“The baby’s daddy,” the woman whispers loudly, although I think she meant for me to hear. I won’t lie, it melts my heart when she calls me the baby’s daddy; I couldn’t be prouder to be that man.
“I know who he is, Sue,” the guy says, before looking back at me. “Is Calla expecting you? It’s just she would usually let us know if we’re expecting guests and she didn’t mention it.”
“No, sir. She’s not expecting me. I wanted to surprise her. Do you think it’s a good idea?” I get a good vibe from these people and imagine they’re straight talkers.
“Why don’t we tell you where to find her and you’ll soon find out.” The woman smiles.
“Thank you. I’d appreciate that.”
“I’m Sue by the way,” she says, “and this is my husband, Vaughn.”
“Cal’s grandparents, of course. I’ve seen a photo of you both.” They look at me blankly, so I offer, “at your home in Braebeach?”
“Oh, yes. We don’t keep a lot of things there anymore, but there’s still the odd family portrait here and there,” Sue says.
“And your awesome vinyl record collection. I hope you don’t mind, but we played a few.”
“It only makes me happy,” Vaughn says. “At least they’re being appreciated, and you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to.”
“Well, apart from the music, Cal has told me a lot about you both,” I confirm.
“Then we won’t be strangers. We certainly feel as if we know you well. Calla talks about you often,” Vaughn adds.