Chapter 44
ANNALISE
For the first time since I moved to Cherry Peak, I don’t head into work on Tuesday morning.
I woke to a text from Wanda this morning, urging me to take the next couple of days off, and immediately knew better than to argue, even if I could use the money. A free day means I’ll have the chance to go to the ranch and visit Banana. My first call after hanging up was to Eliza.
I’ve been to Steele Ranch nearly every evening for dinner since Brody left last week, but this will be the first time that I’ll get to play with Banana in the daylight.
Eliza has done an amazing job of keeping me fed and busy the past few days—Brody’s orders, I’m sure.
I think I’ve gained at least ten pounds from her amazing food and homemade cookies and muffins.
My fridge is so full of Tupperware containers piled to the top with leftovers that I haven’t had to grocery shop at all.
The ranch hands rushing from stable to barn and everywhere in between don’t give me a second look as Bryce pulls up the drive to let me out.
Everyone is rather used to seeing me lingering around, and that makes me incredibly happy.
Even Wade has taken a liking to me, flashing me sneaky half-smiles and teaching me facts about the history of the ranch and dos and don’ts with cattle.
The knowledge has helped when it comes to Banana.
I want to make sure I know how to properly care for her, and Wade seems to want to genuinely help me do that.
One thing I really still want to learn is how to properly ride a horse, but I don’t want anyone but Brody to teach me. Maybe one day.
“Text me when you need me to pick you up later. And please don’t forget to sneak me a couple of Mrs. Steele’s cookies. I swear they melt in my mouth,” Bryce moans, unlocking the car doors.
“I can get Wade to drop me off after dinner.”
“The fact you’re on a genuine first-name basis with that man will never stop being shocking to me. He’s intimidating as fuck.”
“He’s actually quite sweet when you get to know him.”
She shakes her head in disbelief. “I’ll take your word for it. But if he can’t bring you, just let me know.”
“I will. Thank you for dropping me off,” I say with a quick kiss to her cheek.
“Always. Have fun with the sweet girl.”
With a promise to send her pictures, I duck out of the car and head up the porch steps. It still feels rude not to knock on the door, so I hit it three times and wait until Eliza’s smiling face is right in front of me.
“How many times do I have to tell you to just come right in?” she asks, ushering me inside.
“Probably a few more,” I tell her honestly.
The smell of roast fills the house, making my mouth water. I reach for the heavy puffed jacket from the coat hook on instinct and hand it to Eliza. She slips her arms inside just like she has every night after dinner.
“We’ll get there, my dear. Now, I’ve been just itching to check on that sweet girl of yours all morning. I’m so glad you’re here early,” she says, her boots already on as we step back outside.
The sun is bright but not warm. According to Wade, it won’t be for a long while yet.
I wonder what the weather’s like in Nashville today and whether Brody’s bundled up the way I am with his thick jacket and gloves.
We spoke just before Bryce picked me up, but it wasn’t for long enough.
At this point, I’m positive no phone call will be long enough. Not with how badly I miss him.
There’s an ache deep in my soul that won’t seem to ease no matter how badly I will it to. There was never a time in the three years I was with Stewart where I felt like this while we were apart. Not. Once. It’s scary, but in the best way possible.
I feel alive.
“You’re thinking about him,” Eliza says softly, walking in time with me down the path to the pasture.
“I always seem to be thinking about him.”
“It’s hard having him be away; I won’t lie and tell you it isn’t. However, there’s no better feeling than giving him a big squeeze the moment he gets back.”
I smile to myself at that. “Can I ask you something?”
The sweet woman who I’ve grown to care for so, so much doesn’t hesitate. “You don’t even have to ask.”
“When did you marry Wade? You two still look so in love, and I guess that’s hard for me to wrap my head around. My parents weren’t like you guys when I was growing up and even less like it when I got older.”
It feels incredibly unnerving to peel back my protective shell and expose my inner thoughts like this, but with Eliza, I know she won’t judge me for it. There won’t be anything but a warm understanding that I latch onto tight.
“We married when I was eighteen and he was twenty. Things were much different back then when it came to marriage, but even if they hadn’t been, I still would have married him that young.
I met Wade and just knew. It was a beautiful moment that I pray every night I won’t forget, even when my mind starts to fade.
“True love doesn’t require a marriage certificate, but I’ve so enjoyed being able to call him my husband. It’s simply another way I can consider him mine. I’m sorry you never had an opportunity to witness that type of relationship growing up.”
“My father has always had one true love—his job. I’ve accepted that, but I still hold a grudge against him for stealing my chance for me to witness a proper marriage in my most developmental years.
” I pause, staring at the toes of my boots.
“You know that I was engaged before I moved here, but even when I wore Stewart’s ring on my finger, I didn’t feel the excitement for my big day that I know I was supposed to feel.
I understand if that maybe makes you think poorly of me.
” I hate how small my voice sounds, how insecure.
“That could never make me think poorly of you. There is no rule written that says we all have to want the same things in life. It’s all about finding the person whose dreams align with yours, whatever they might be,” Eliza declares, her tone fierce.
I blink past a wave of emotion and ask, “Brody’s your only grandchild. Don’t you want him to get married someday?”
“I want plenty of things for him, my sweet. Marriage pales in comparison to simply seeing him happy.”
Her confident words settle me a part of me that I didn’t know had been fretting at the idea of stumbling upon this potential roadblock.
A beat later, she unhooks the metal gate and ushers me into the pasture, conversation already forgotten, no awkward thank you needed.
Banana comes skipping over instantly, as if she were watching for us all morning.
The other cows watch her with interest, a few lingering close by.
My heart swells at their protectiveness.
Banana has found a herd here the way I have, and that makes me feel both relieved and at peace.
Eliza is the first to reach down and scratch the fluffy girl on the top of her head. “Good morning, sweetie. You’ve been keeping these heifers in line, yeah?”
“If anyone could, it would be this sassy girl.” Banana jumps forward, and I drop to a crouch to give her some pets. “Yeah, I missed you too.”
“She’s spoiled rotten, this one,” Eliza says.
“Yeah, she is. We can blame Brody for that, though.”
“I hope you believe me when I say I’ve never seen him do anything like this for anyone before. You’ve turned him all inside out with your love, Anna. It’s been surreal to watch the change in him these past couple of months.”
“He’s done the same to me. I’ve never been this happy. Not once,” I admit.
Eliza grins so brightly. “You’re in for a blessed life, my girl. You better buckle in tight.”
I don’t bother telling her that I have been from the moment I met Brody at Peakside.
brODY
My body screams at me to get back in my truck and drive to Anna’s house. God, I miss her enough to nearly give in. If it wasn’t for my fear of not being able to get myself back to this place of determination after sinking back into the feel of her at my side, I would have.
I’ve been running on the same thrill since that conversation with Killian in Nashville. The same desire to get to work and figure my shit out before returning to my woman. It took a few days to get it all together with Wanda, but there’s one more thing I have to do now that I’m back on the ranch.
I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to get here.
To walk this path to the stables with my heart galloping in my throat and my fingers shaking.
But now that I’m here, there’s no backing out.
This is my next step. The move I need to make to press forward in my life.
No more hiding from the pain in my chest. I can’t focus on the future while holding a chunk of myself in the past.
It’s dark when I reach the stable, the motion-sensor lights above the door beaming when I grip the handle and slide it open.
Silence fills the stable before hooves on hay cuts through.
I flick on the lights above the right side of the stable.
Sky’s already watching me when I head down the walkway between the stalls, her head hanging over her gate once again.
“Sorry for wakin’ you,” I whisper, pausing a few feet from her.
Emotion builds in my throat, a pound of rocks dropping in my stomach. The love in those brown eyes of hers nearly rocks me back on my heels. It’s too much. More than I deserve.
“I figured you and me could go for a ride tonight.”
It’s as if she can understand me. She shuffles behind the gate, a low whinny escaping her. My fingers twitch, wanting to touch her again, but I hold myself back. Not yet.
“I take it that’s good with you, then. You’ll have to be patient with me here. I’m goin’ to be a bit rusty,” I tell her.
Her saddle is hung off to the side, and I grab it in surprisingly steady hands, the weight of it just right.
She waits patiently for me to open her gate and step inside her stall.
It takes me longer than I’d like to admit to get her saddled up, but I’m pleased to know I haven’t forgotten how to do it.
Maybe it was stupid to consider that I could have.
I smooth my palm down her neck, exhaling shakily at the familiar tickle of her soft hair against my skin.
The world fades around us, and I fall into the utter rightness that comes with being beside my horse—my best friend through some of the biggest moments in my life.
It was wrong of me to stay away from her, but today marks the start of a new beginning for the both of us.
“One step done. Gonna let me hop on now, girl?”
She blows out a long breath and sidesteps closer to me. I chuckle, patting her neck.
“Alright, now, no sudden movements, please.”
Her reins are a welcome weight in my sweaty fist as I step into the stirrup and hoist myself onto her back in one smooth motion. She doesn’t move a muscle as I sit in the saddle, my thighs tight against her sides. Too tight.
My eyes are squeezed shut, a swell of emotion rocking through me. I’m tense, my head pulsing with memories and a heavy grief that I haven’t allowed myself to feel in a decade. A wet trickle moves down my cheek, and I laugh, opening my eyes to find them blurry.
Like being hit in the gut with two bull hooves, I’m out of breath, gulping in breaths of cold air in the confines of a stable my ma helped build when I was a boy. For the first time since I bottled my emotions up and forced myself to be strong for my family, I cry.
I don’t register that we’ve begun to move until the first snowflake hits my face.
Sky trots nice and slow away out of the barn and down the same path toward the trees behind the guest house that we would follow every day after school.
Readjusting my hold on the reins, I fix my posture and soak in the shift of the saddle between my legs, a feeling I haven’t experienced in too long.
Sky’s movements become my own. The cold doesn’t register as we head further and further from the house and into the small lining of trees that separates the front of the ranch from the massive expanse behind it.
We move through the pasture and around the shop. Past the pink structure I built myself and the tiny cow resting beneath it playing with a calf. The ranch takes on a new look tonight as I stitch pieces of myself back together that I’ve long since accepted as broken.
And once Sky and I close in on the stable again, I lead her right back out, this time with a gentle squeeze of my legs that sends us flying through the night, my laugh healing the both of us.