Chapter 3 #3
She could hock it for all he cared. He didn’t want it back.
It was late when he got back home, and he expected everyone to be in bed. But a light was on in the living room as he entered, and he saw that Rose was sitting on the couch with a book.
She lowered it as he came in, and he realized she’d been waiting for him.
“Is everything all right?” she asked.
He nodded and slouched down on the couch beside her. “I ended it.”
“Oh.” An expression he couldn’t read twisted on her face for a few seconds. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It had been ending for a while now. I was just too clueless to realize it until now.”
“Oh.” She cleared her throat, her eyes lowered to her hands on her lap. “That’s good then.”
“Yeah. It’s not fun at the moment, but I think it’s good in the long run. I don’t think she was what the girls needed.”
“Yes. If you don’t mind my saying, I think that’s right.”
He studied her face carefully. It was as mild and unassuming as always. “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”
“How would I have told you that? It’s not exactly something you tell someone.”
He thought about that for a minute and finally concluded she was right. He wouldn’t have appreciated hearing that before. Not because she was his nanny but because he wouldn’t have wanted anyone saying it.
“The girls won’t be disappointed, will they?” he asked.
She smiled and shook her head. “Uh, no.”
“They’ll be glad?”
“I think so.”
James let out his breath, this knowledge being the final confirmation he needed that breaking up with Genevieve had been the right thing to do.
After a minute of silence, Rose asked, “Are you okay?”
He turned to look at her, surprised by the gentle question. “Of course.”
“It’s never happened to me, of course, but I understand that a broken engagement is kind of hard to go through.”
“Yeah, I guess. But I mostly just feel relieved.”
“That’s good then.”
There was an odd note to her tone, but when he checked her expression, he saw nothing revealing. He’d probably just misheard.
They sat in the dimly lit room for a few more minutes, and James wondered why it was so easy to sit with Rose like this, not even talking. It was comfortable and comforting both.
Finally he asked, “Why haven’t you been engaged before?”
Her eyes widened. “What makes you think I haven’t been?”
He suddenly felt like an idiot for the hundredth time that day. “Oh. Sorry.”
She chuckled softly. “I haven’t actually.”
“Why not?”
“No one has ever asked me.”
“Why not?”
“What kind of question is that? I have no idea why no one has wanted to marry me. I thought I was close once, but…”
When she trailed off, James’s curiosity was piqued. “When was that?”
“I was twenty-one. I’d been dating a guy named Richard for almost a year. I thought for sure he was about to ask me to marry him.”
“What happened?”
She sighed. “He dumped me.”
He stiffened, realizing she was sharing something that had been really hard for her at the time. “Why?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know really. He just said I wasn’t what he wanted. I was so surprised and devastated. I...” She shuddered. “I didn’t take it well.”
“I can’t believe you did anything unreasonable.”
“I don’t know.” She cringed slightly. “I really humiliated myself. I practically begged him to tell me what I’d done wrong and to give me a second chance. I can’t believe I was so… so desperate. I really believed it was my last chance to find a man, and if he didn’t want me, then no one would.”
He frowned. “That’s ridiculous. You were only twenty-one.”
“I know. But he was my first boyfriend. My only real boyfriend. Guys had never been interested in me, and I wasn’t sure anyone else ever would be. It was… embarrassing.” She gave him a little smile. “I’m never going to be that way again.”
He thought about what she’d said, trying to imagine what she’d been like back then. She seemed so quietly confident now. He couldn’t imagine her that insecure. “Well, you were young. We all do stupid things when we’re young. Look at me—well over thirty and still doing a stupid thing.”
“You figured it out,” Rose said as if trying to defend him from himself.
“Yeah.” He gave a wry chuckle. “Good for me.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then he asked without thinking it through. “So Richard was the only boyfriend you’ve ever had?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s unusual.”
She shifted slightly. “I guess. Guys just never seem interested in me. I guess I’m not exactly what most men are looking for.”
She didn’t sound discontent or unhappy. She sounded resigned as if she believed and accepted that truth about herself.
James couldn’t understand it. She was beautiful and sweet and understanding and intelligent and mature, and she seemed to care about the things that were most important.
She was a little shy and reserved, so maybe she’d never put herself out there. If she had, some man would have snapped her up a long time ago.
It was just as well that no one had though. If she was married, she couldn’t have been his girls’ nanny, and she would never have been in his life.
James wouldn’t have liked that at all.