Chapter 14
Ben, February 28
When my eyes peeled open this morning, I was genuinely shocked I’d ever fallen asleep. The last thing I remembered was staring at my phone, waiting for an update. I grabbed it, flipping through text alerts, my brain circling uselessly. Who was the new center again? Had he rated on her scale? I remembered he was charming, maybe even funny. But had Liz ever been interested in him like that?
Ben: Good morning, babe. Go well with the injury?
Normally, with the time difference, it takes Liz forever to reply. I’ll be halfway through my Saturday before she even wakes. But this morning, it only takes fourteen minutes.
Liz: Men suck.
Ben: Excuse me?
Liz: Matt assaulted me with his lips.
Ben: You’ll have to explain that one while I purchase a plane ticket to come over and kick his ass.
Liz: HAHAHA. I dropped him off after the doctor. We were sitting in the car, he stopped me from getting out. Then he leaned in and freaking kissed me. No warning whatsoever.
Ben: What did you do?
Liz: I left. I came home and got mad.
Ben: At?
Liz: Him. You. Men.
Ben: I’m afraid to ask what I did.
Liz: Nothing.
Good.
Liz: Which I suppose is the problem.
…Oh.
Ben: Ouch.
Liz: But honest.
Change the subject. Back to Matt and how he screwed up.
Ben: So you haven’t spoken to him again?
Liz: Not exactly. His prescription had to be picked up, so I went and got it.
Ben: Did you deliver it?
Liz: Yes. Weird thing is, he was sitting outside. Almost like he was waiting for me.
Ben: What happened?
Liz: I dropped the prescription and he just poured out this sappy message about how much he wants to be with me. How he always thought he wanted a certain type of girl, but really he wants someone in the action with him. He said he wants me.
Checkmark Matt for honesty, and cue my internal struggle. I’d always promised myself I’d bow out if a three-quality candidate stepped up. Now here he was. I gave myself a little time to decide if I actually had the guts.
Ben: Heavy.
Liz: Yup.
Ben: So what did you say after he said all that?
Liz: Nothing. I’m a real piece of work, aren’t I? Sat there like a lump of cat shit in a litter box and said nothing.
Ben: Why not?
Liz: What?
Ben: Either you weren’t interested, or he shocked you, or… you were hoping for a different outcome. Why didn’t you say anything?
Liz: I guess earlier in the day I’d been thinking about my feelings for someone else. And Matt’s never shown interest before. I guess I never really thought of him that way and it shocked me. I couldn’t think.
That was it. The comment that cemented my choice. You see it, right? Remember that survey I did with Liz back at university? She said she would notice.
Well. She hadn’t noticed Matt — not until now.
I would’ve been a world-class ass to choose any other path. So when she asked for my advice, I gave it.
Ben: The kid from England you’re always going on about is a distraction. Dump his ass.
I couldn’t bring myself to say me.
Liz: Is that supposed to be a joke? It’s not funny.
Ben: Think about it. I’m the excuse for why you can’t be with Matt, right?
Liz: Not exactly.
Ben: But on some level…
Liz: I suppose.
Ben: Why?
This was her chance. Her last chance to tell me she was head-over-heels and I was worth the risk.
Liz: I don’t know. We have something, don’t we?
Something.
That one word told me everything. Liz hadn’t thought about our “something.” Not really. Meanwhile, I’d spent hours, days, years, spinning scenarios where we ended up together. None of them realistic.
So I sent the text that might have just altered my entire adult life.
Ben: Now I block you. My something crazy is letting you go. Your something crazy is calling Matt. Go out with him this weekend. Let your guard down. Open your heart. Give it a chance. If it goes somewhere, be happy — and remember me only occasionally. If it doesn’t, try again. But never give up. Prove for us both that love exists. Goodbye, babe.
And then I did it.
Ten hours and fifteen minutes ago, I blocked Liz on every device. I actually forgot Skype, and when her call popped up eight hours ago, it nearly broke me. She’s blocked there now too.
So we’re back to my original question: have you ever lied to someone because you thought it was best for them? I have.
Now I have to imagine her happy. I have to picture her calling Matt, going on an amazing first date, falling into some suburban happily-ever-after. Liz deserves that. She deserves the house, the dog, the 2.5 kids. She deserves everything.
As for me? I remind myself I’m a die-hard bachelor. I was the walk-of-shame champ back in the day. I might’ve lost my touch lately, but hey — now’s the time to get it back. Prove I’ve still got game.
That is, once my broken heart heals.