Chapter 65
Ben, April 27
“What if I lived there?”
My brain goes fuzzy. Did she just ask me that? No — I’d been daydreaming again, imagining surprising her by moving to Arizona, picturing her showing up on my doorstep instead. Then she says it for real? That can’t be right. “Liz, don’t toy with me.”
“I’m just thinking out loud.”
She really did say that. My chest tightens. “This isn’t the kind of decision you make lightly. What about Matt?”
“What about him? He has money, he can fly to Emma or we can fly to him. I’d figure something out.”
I’m split in two. Part of me wants to shove the calendar at her and tell her to book the flight now, before doubt creeps back in. The other, more cautious side — the one that’s kept me alive and sensible for years — pumps the brakes. I can feel both of them tugging at my ribs.
“This is a huge decision. I cannot allow myself to think about this until you are sure. Think about Emma, Matt, jobs, citizenship, money, moving. Think about all of it. When you decide, you let me know.” The words come out before my reckless half can shout otherwise.
She is quiet for a beat, then a small, hopeful smile. “Ben, do you not want me in England?”
Is she serious? I never want to be without her again. Every stupid rule I made for myself — the ones about distance and sense and ‘doing what’s right’ — feel suddenly ridiculous. “Babe, I want you with me. If that’s here, great. If not, we’ll consider options. I just need you to think about everything — this is a huge decision.”
She breathes out, relieved. “You’re right. Thank you.” Her beautiful smile switches on and I, absurdly, feel certain in a way I haven’t in ages. I let myself believe, for a second, that by this time next year we’ll have figured it out.
I’m going to spend my life with this woman.