25. Declan
“She’s pulling up,” Shane calls.
It’s been eight days since I saw Lex. After she nearly ran into me, I avoided her completely for the rest of Linc’s ridiculous little painting party. We haven’t been in the same room since our last tense weekly meeting.
Shane jogs down the stairs, no doubt headed outside to greet her. My chest feels tight with discomfort and tension in response. I haven’t talked to him or Linc about the kiss, resigned to pretending it never happened. Pretending my worldview isn’t forever changed.
“Pretty sure she can find the door on her own,” I say as he reaches the foyer.
He replies immediately without so much as a glance my way. “Not doing it for her, man.”
The thought of Shane feeling so strongly for her that he can’t wait the thirty seconds it’ll take for her to get out of the car and walk into the house makes my skin itch. I can see the cracks between the three of us widening and feel helpless to stop the progression. Just one week to go. If we can make it through the Green Innovation Summit in Paris, we’ll be back to normal soon enough.
Or, I can try to get her out of our hair sooner.
It’s a selfish thought. Being near her, but not with her? It’s fucking torture.
“She here?” Linc walks up from the basement in nothing but athletic shorts, a towel slung over his shoulder.
“Seriously? Were you working out?”
He opens the fridge, snagging a bottle of water. “Yeah. What good is the gym you’ve finally set up down there if we don’t use it?”
“You knew we had a meeting.”
He rolls his eyes. “Of course I did. I’m up here on time, aren’t I?”
“Oh, what? You thought you’d grace us all with your sweaty, smelly ass?”
“Pretty sure no one cares, Dec.”
“I care! Have you finally given up all pretenses of professionalism?” The lines between work and home are even more precious to me these days. The murkier they get, the more I worry.
He levels an annoyed glare at me. “Dude. We have business meetings all the fucking time. Hell, the three of us have literally had them at the gym. What’s your issue?”
“It’s not just the three of us anymore, Linc,” I point out.
“Lex doesn’t mind me sweaty, brother. Promise.”
The reminder of the intimacy between them makes my blood pressure spike. “For fuck’s sake–”
“There she is!” He calls, cutting me off as Shane opens the door for Lex.
She looks up with a bright smile for my brother, her dark hair straight and parted down the middle. It shines almost red in the fading evening sun streaming through the door, lighting her up. I swallow roughly, trying to ignore the heat flashing through me. I can’t look at her without remembering the feel of her body against mine, her mouth parted so willingly.
Her long legs are on display in a tight sheath dress, which stops short of her knees. The smooth black fabric fits her perfectly, showing off the tight nip of her waist and the flare of her hips. My eyes are drawn down the gentle slope of her calf as she toes off her heels before moving across the room toward us.
I hate how much of her I notice, how every little detail burrows its way into my mind. I’ll obsess over each one later, unable to banish her from my thoughts.
“Look at you,” she teases, smiling at Linc as though I’m not in the room. “Get a good workout in like you hoped?”
She knows his workout schedule?My brow furrows as I watch her walk into his embrace, and he sweeps her into a fierce kiss. They’ve never really hidden their affections, but they’ve gotten more brazen about the PDA in the last few weeks. The physical stuff is one thing, but the casual way she makes it clear how close they are lights a fire in my gut as I tear my eyes away.
“Sure did,” he says, drawing my eyes back to them as he releases her. “Thanks for being flexible with timing tonight.”
“Of course,” she murmurs, trailing a hand down his bare arm as she steps away.
It’s like I can see the mark of that featherlight touch on his skin, the effect she has on him glaringly obvious as he watches her. But it’s not a flash of lust or desire that rises in his eyes, it’s affection. Something tightens in my chest as the realization hits me. Turning toward Shane, I find my best friend watching me, a knowing look on his face. As my lips part on the question, he inclines his head, one shoulder lifting as though to say ‘what can you do?’
“Well, Declan, I’m glad the time worked for you. We have a lot to cover.”
Lex’s voice reaches me through a quagmire, my thoughts a frantic jumble of concern, confusion, and sheer fury. Fuck it, I’m not backing down.
“Do we?” I answer absently, my voice rough as I turn back to her.
She frowns, searching my face for something. “We do, and we’ll be far more productive without your usual attitude.”
I chuckle, the sound ugly even to my ears. “This is just who I am, Lex. Take it or leave it.”
“God, you’re a dick,” Linc grouses, glowering straight ahead.
“Declan, I’m this close,” Lex holds up her thumb and forefinger, barely a millimeter apart, “to leaving it. Can we focus and leave the bullshit behind, please?”
Sure, Lex. Don’t break my brother’s heart and we have a deal. “Fine.”
I turn to the dining room table and yank a chair back. Lex takes her typical spot across from me, with Linc and Shane facing each other between us. Always fucking between us.
“What’s on your agenda, then?” I can’t keep the bite out of my tone, desperate for distance. From Lex, from my brother and best friend who have no idea how much I want their woman, when I’ve never entertained joining their bedroom shenanigans before.
My realization about Linc’s infatuation has me rattled. I’m not sure what’s causing the tension in my body, though I have the sinking suspicion it’s fear. Fear for Linc and his impending heartbreak, fear for the relationship between me and the two people I care for more than anything else on the planet. Fear that the woman across from me, with her sharp gaze and sharper mind, is going to herald the end of everything I’ve worked to build for my entire adult life.
“We’re one week out from leaving for the Summit. My team was expecting the draft of your speech two weeks ago. Have you received their feedback?”
Lex’s gaze bores into mine. She knows the answer; it’s the same question she’s asked for the last two weeks.
“No.”
Linc flops back dramatically, heaving an exasperated sigh as he cards his fingers through his hair. Shane is sprawled in his chair, though his typical ease is absent as he stills in response to my short reply. Lex simply sits and watches me, silent. She’s fucking brilliant at waiting me out. I’d admire her for it if it wasn’t so goddamn infuriating.
“I have it under control, though.”
For the first time, I watch Lex’s cool control break. She can’t contain the snort of derision that breaks free, her eyes flashing with an unidentifiable emotion. The most immature part of me wants to cheer at the confirmation that I’m getting under her skin.
“You have it under control?” Her voice is so quiet, so tight.
Linc goes just as still as Shane, his eyes widening as he watches her professional mask crack.
“How do you have it under control, exactly?” Lex’s head cocks to the side, her tone sarcastic as her words crack across the table.
“It’s my company,” I remind her. “I’m the face of Solum, aren’t I? It was one of your conditions.”
“I’m aware.”
“I know what I need to say, I don’t need your team to dissect it. It’ll be more authentic if I just…speak from the heart. Wasn’t that your advice last time?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she bites out.
Linc flinches, his wide eyes snapping from Lex to me and back again.
“No.” I shrug nonchalantly, desperate to see her let go.
“I know you’re not that fucking stupid, Declan.”
My pulse doubles at her words, my fists clenching. “What did you just call me?”
“You heard me, you egotistical asshole.”
Shane blows out a slow breath, his expression blank as he stares at the center of the table. Linc looks about ready to cry, his expression anguished as he watches it all unfold.
“You’re in my house.” I slowly rise to my feet.
“And your business exists because of my investment.” She stays seated.
She leaned forward as she got angrier, the tension pushing her toward me. I watch as she forces herself to lean back, arms crossed over her chest and one ankle tucked behind the other. Get up. Get up and fight me, Lex.
“Is that all you’ve got?” I taunt her, throwing my arms wide. “The great Lex Livingston, here with her money to make everything better.”
“What the fuck, Dec?!” Linc glares at me. “You’re out of line.”
“Your brother’s right.” Lex glares. “You signed off on this schedule, on my terms. You deciding to go rogue and wing the most important presentation of your career is not what we agreed to.”
She’s walling me out again, her professional persona returning. I hate it. Where’s the fire, Lex? Get. Up.
“Well, I think we’re far enough down the path that we can recognize what we really need.”
“And what’s that, Declan?”
“The three of us,” I gesture around the table. “Lincoln, Shane, me. That’s it.”
Lex studies me, her lips pursed. “I see.”
“Do you?” I challenge, frustrated she’s eased back into her tight control.
I want to watch those fissures in her perfectly constructed mask widen, want to dig my fingers into the softest parts of her and wrench them apart. I’m desperate for her to mirror the hurricane of emotion thundering in my chest. I don’t want to be the only one feeling so unhinged.
“I do.” Her cold gaze hardens. “You’re a fool. And a complete and utter waste of my time.”
She stands, finally. Guilt simmers low in my gut. I don’t want her harsh words, don’t want to hurt her or the men watching us go at each other. But I feel trapped between my emotions and my concern for our future.
“So that’s it, then?” I accuse, thinking of her calling me a coward. “All these weeks of work, and you’re done?”
Fire flashes in her eyes, fists clenched at her sides, and I want to pound my chest in victory. I can’t have her soft affection; she saves that for Linc. I don’t get her quiet contemplation; I’ve seen for myself how she’s handed it to Shane. But her anger? Her fight? I crave it. Give it to me, Lex. Fucking burn me with it.
“Let me be clear, Declan Wilde. I. Don’t. Quit.” Her words are sharp, her voice hard as she steps around the table, making a slow path toward me. “I have given you and your dream my all. My team has worked long hours to support your success. And you might feel like the big man standing there belittling me, but I. Won’t. Let. You.”
She stops directly in front of me, close enough I can feel the warmth of her body seeping into mine. She nearly vibrates with tension, the sides of her neck rigid with it. It kills me she thinks it’s still about the business. This has nothing to do with Solum, boss.
“You think you’re the man, Declan?” she whispers, jade eyes glittering fiercely. “You think you’ve got it all under control? You don’t need anyone’s help to succeed?”
I struggle to stare impassively at her, shoving my hands into my pockets to keep from reaching out to touch her. Even though I’m the cause of them, I want to soothe the lines in her brow away.
“I don’t.”
“Which is why you came to me for help, right? You had it under control.”
“I didn’t come to you,” I point out.
“Oh, right. You needed your little brother to get the help you were too fucking proud to ask for, right?”
I bite the inside of my lip to keep from grinning at her, wanting to seize her face in my hands and kiss her for standing up to me, for calling it like it is. She’s absolutely fucking right, I was a prideful idiot and Linc did what needed doing. I’m terrified of what comes after the business, Lex. Her gaze searches mine, and she chuckles in surprise, a knowing sound that probably strikes fear into lesser men.
“I see what you’re doing.”
My lips twitch, but she misses it. Of course she does. “Oh?”
“I’m a threat to you.”
You have no idea.
“Oh, Declan,” she tuts. “I expected more.”
“What are you–”
“They love you, Declan. I can’t take them from you. And I don’t want to.”
Those words feel like a punch to the gut, though I should’ve known she’d see right through me. I want to look over at Lincoln and Shane to see their reactions, but I can’t. She holds me captive, my lips parting as I suck in a ragged breath.
“You’re a stronger man than this,” she continues, her voice quiet but firm. “Don’t let your fear win. Your dream is in reach and it’s time for you to take it.”
“I will–” I start
“But if you push me away and try to do it alone, you’ll push them away, too,” she goes on.
Her eyes burn into mine and she’s still so close I can feel her breath ghost over my lips. I turn my head and exhale, my shoulders dropping slightly as some of the tension leaves me. Though I don’t want to admit it, she’s right; Linc and Shane have been telling me as much for weeks. She takes a step back, her arms crossing once more. It’s subtle, but it tells me I affected her–one piece of armor she’s keeping.
“Are you done?” she challenges, not giving an inch. God, I fucking love it.
I simply stare back at her, waiting to see what she’ll do next.
“The Summit is next week, Declan. Are you going to work with us to prepare, or are you quitting this partnership?” She gestures to Linc and Shane. “Are you giving up on the team?”
Letting my eyes fall closed briefly, I sigh. “No.”
“Thank fuck,” Linc mutters, slapping his hands against the table and getting to his feet. “I need a goddamn drink.”
He kisses the top of Lex’s head as he passes her, brushing her shoulder and arm with a casual hand as he heads to the kitchen. I track the motion and Lex notices, her eyebrow cocking at me in challenge.
“What?” I push, turning back to my chair and giving myself a reprieve from her piercing gaze.
“Green’s not your color,” she chides, turning to follow Linc.
I stiffen. As my silent and entirely futile denial rises, I catch Shane’s eye. His expression is knowing, a tiny smirk on his lips, and I drop my face into my hands as I sit.
“I’m not jealous,” I groan, scrubbing a hand over my jaw and turning to look at him.
“Like fuck you aren’t.” He watches me impassively as I gape at him.
“Seriously? That’s all you’re gonna say to me.”
He shrugs. “Pretty sure Lex said it all. For now.”
Scoffing, I slouch back and sigh, looking up at the ceiling.
“For what it’s worth, she’s right. We love you. She doesn’t change that.”
I search his face. Doesn’t he see? “She’s changing everything, Shane.”
“Not all change is bad, Dec.”
We stare at each other for a few long moments until Linc and Lex return with drinks. I’m surprised when Lex hands me a beer, that sardonic look back on her face.
“Consider it an olive branch.”
“I hate olives,” I reply automatically, mentally slapping myself.
“Declan, take the goddamn beer,” Linc barks.
I obey, heart twisting when something like hurt flashes in Lex’s eyes. She’s quick to blink it away, turning back to her seat.
“Now that we’ve wasted our first thirty minutes, we should probably get down to business. I’d intended to start with good news: Solum has been selected as one of five finalists for this year’s Brightest in the Bay award.”
My jaw drops as Linc grins, clapping in victory. Before we can celebrate, Lex continues.
“Yes, it’s wonderful news. We’ll celebrate when we have time.” She gives me a hard look. “Declan, since we’re so close to the Summit and I’m unwilling to derail my team’s entire schedule to meet your timeline, you get your wish. You have creative agency over your speech. Let’s hear it.”
Panic rises. “What, now?”
She tilts her head, sipping her wine. “Yes, now. It’s the last opportunity for me to hear it and give feedback before we fly to Paris.”
“So we’ll do it on the plane.”
“We’ll do it now, Declan. Or I won’t be on the fucking plane.” Her voice is steely.
“I don’t have my notes.”
“Just speak from the heart, right?”
I growl under my breath as she smiles at me while she throws my words back in my face. This is not how I expected tonight to go. The plan was to push her away, to frustrate her enough that she’d leave it to Linc and Shane to manage me so I got the distance I needed. Not to flounder my way through a speech I’ve avoided for weeks.
It’s not that I don’t want to go to the Summit or officially launch Solum, but I’m struggling to put words to what our technology can be. We dreamed of achieving something great for so long, but it had always been an intangible thing on the horizon. In the weeks leading up to the Summit, everything became real. And in my overwhelm and worry over Lex and Anne-Marie–who is too fucking quiet, I don’t trust it–the inspirational and strategic ideas to rouse a crowd were elusive at best.
“Or we could start with an outline,” Lex offers, her voice gentle. “Start there and work up to the full story.”
The gratitude is evident on my face. It has to be because her lips curve into the slightest smile when I look up at her.
“We’ve got this,” she says. “We, Declan. The four of us. Together, we’ve got this.”
Shane and Linc are looking at me, but I keep my attention on Lex..
“Together,” I say gruffly. I add the next word to mask the emotion welling in my throat. “Fine.”
I can almost hear Lex’s eyes roll as she sets her wine down and pulls her laptop from her bag.
“Dude,” Linc chastises before taking a long pull of his beer.
“At least it’s progress.” Shane eyes me, a mischievous glint to his expression. “Better than jealousy.”
I’m gonna fucking kill him.