22. Chapter 16
Kaylynn
I place everything where it needs to be before turning on the shower.
Tommy left me an outfit for me to wear out.
God, I hope it fits. Of course that's where my brain goes.
After everything that has happened, I still have so many questions, and barely any answers.
I can tell I'm going to be left out of everything.
What's new? My own father barely talked to me about anything also.
All I was good for was cooking and cleaning for him, it seems. Then, the drinking would begin.
Images of my cheek being pushed up against the rose-colored wallpaper, unable to breath.
My hands wrap around my own throat as I come back to reality.
I shake the images from my head. If I want answers, I'm going to have to figure out how to get them.
Deep adown, I know no one here is going to tell me anything.
I start feeling so defeated, that I take out the one thing I can always , mcount ony little escape from reality, before I step into the shower.
It never gets old. Honestly, thinking about stopping has my throat locking up.
As a panic attack looms, I try to slow my breathing, taking a deep breath in through my nose and blowing out through my mouth.
The only way I can see any way out, is to give myself this little bit of release.
I grab my razor, and as the sharp blade slices through one of my softest and most delicate areas, the urge is far more apparent now, and I don’t think I can stop this time, not after everything that’s been happening.
Slicing against the same area, more blood pools around me, and starts going down the drain.
This is my drug of choice, but also my kryptonite.
When everything feels like it’s crashing down around me, I know this is the one thing I have, that will keep me grounded. . This . This release.
I curl into myself, , hold my breath, and slice back through my smooth skin.
Why would anyone want me? Why would anyone care about me?
My own father couldn’t care less, so, why would anyone else?
I’m a waste of space. I am with nothing and no one.
Where are my friends?? OOh, wait, that’s right,, I have none.
That thought alone has a sob pushing up through my throat. I’m a ll alone .
My vision starts fading in and out, fuzzy stars are starting to come and go in and out of my vision.
The water feels ice cold now, causing my skin to feel like a million tiny needles are pricking my skin.
I steady myself enough to push my hair out of my eyes before standing up and cleaning up the mess I’ve made in here.
After I am done cleaning myself up, I step out of the shower and head to my room.
I slowly get ready to meet the guys downstairs, slipping on the shirt and matching pants that Tommy set out for me.
Everything fits like a glove. The material is so soft against my cool skin.
A sigh leaves my lips as I admire the feeling.
I blow dry my hair and swipe my lashes with some mascara.
I toss on a coat of lip gloss and hope for the best, not like I have much to lose anyway.
I admire how beautiful this place is as I walk down the stairs.
I have never seen something so beautiful; everything has its place.
I can’t help but wonder where I fit in? ‘‘Shut up Kaylynn,” I feel the internal struggle starting to creep up.
I start to feel foggy, as I feel myself internally attacking itself.
Flashes of snowy white fur clouds my vision, and in a blink of an eye, I'm back in the hallway.
“What the fuck was that?” I whisper aloud. The feeling is so real, I can still see the gorgeous white fur vividly, and I want to call to her.. I feel like it’s a ‘her’ for some reason, and it’s as if I know who she is.
Continuing my way downstairs, I can hear laughter and chatter as I get closer to the bottom.
I see men and women scattered throughout the room.
As I walk in, everyone starts to part ways, noses scrunch,, some sneeze,, some even give me a side eye.
It feels like everyone has some kind of opinion about me without even knowing me.
“Hey Tommy, are you going to take me in the back room tonight?” A slim-waisted blonde drags her red fingernails down his chest. I can't help but to snarl at her contact. Why the hell is she all over him? The closer I get, the more I notice more women slinking around, taking glances at me and, who I was thinking, were my men. Mine! The word gets thrown in my head, as I stomp my feet, getting closer to where they’re sitting.
Four heads whip in my direction. “Ugh, what's she doing here?
She's not one of us, you know that right?” A random woman who I do not know says to someone else next to her.
Her shrill voice has me pushing my fingers into my ears to cut her off.
I can't take it, it's worse than nails on a chalk board. Tommy takes her hand in his palm, and grips it rather tightly from what I can tell. “You’ll shut up, and ask for forgiveness from my mate.” Tommy says as he looks her in the eyes, “or I'll cut off each and every one of these pretty little fingers.” He demands through gritted teeth.
Her face pales in response. “I’m…… I'm sorry.” She whimpers before she takes off running toward the exit, and my hand reaches out to Tommy to grab my hand.
When I reach for him, his nose sniffs the air.
“Why do you smell like blood?” Tommy asks me, confusion lacing his voice.
His question catches me off guard. “Oh, umm…
. It's just my period.” I lie between my teeth, hoping he can't tell the difference.
“Have you learned nothing from being around us?” Tommy asks.
My hands immediately become sweaty and I rub them along my pants.
They can't find this out, they just can't. It's all I have that keeps me going, and I have no plans on letting it go.
“Tommy, ease up on her just a little.” Andrew says as he throws his arm around his shoulder.
“Oh, it could have been from earlier when I fell. You know I'm clumsy.” I try to speed talk my way through yet another lie, while trying not to hyperventilate again. In and out, I repeat to myself, trying to breathe. The lights flicker, and then suddenly, we’re sent into complete darkness.
Chills cause goosebumps to appear on my skin as the temperature drops in record breaking time.
“The Order.” Tommy whispers.
I shake as my teeth start to chatter. Hooded figures appear holding a glowing light.
“Zach, we need you to come with us. You can bring your pack as well.” One of the hooded figures commands.
I mean thank the goddesses they showed up, but what exactly does all this mean?
I’m really starting to get tired of the fact that I don't know anything that’s going on.
But I am going to get to the bottom of this.
In this moment, I make a promise to myself that I’m going to bring every last one of my men to their knees.
They will bow for me , I won't for them!
“You’ve been summoned. Let's go.” One of the hooded figures glides up close to me.
Zach reaches out and tucks me into his side as we begin to walk, following the rest of the hooded figures.
“Be quiet, don't talk unless spoken to. Remember, we are your mates, but the men in our society rule.
You're supposed to be nothing but a breeding incubator, and for us to stick our dicks in, to satisfy us as much, whenever, and however we want. You’re to only be our property and everything about you is owned.
We own the air you breathe, the heart we let beat inside of you, and the mind you shall use to think of how to pleasure us better.
You're to be locked up, and brought out when needed or when it is convenient to us. Please remember all of this.” Zach whispers in my ear.
“The order keeps us in check, as well as the other societies; there are six of us in total in this area. I run Sugar Society, and as you know, this is our kingdom, our pack, our family and home. I am the Alpha.” Zach continues on, as we walk along.
We start to descend down stairs in the back room.