Chapter 25 #3
“It wasn’t a swing.” Micah’s fingers were clutched tightly around Eris’ phone. “Dad said you’d smacked it off the edge of the desk during one of your tantrums… I knew that wasn’t true when I saw your books all over the floor.”
“My books?”
“You liked reading out loud about big fish: whales, orcas, sharks…”
“Whales and orcas are mammals.”
Micah smiled. “Four years old and you could read better than me, and you learned all by yourself… I was so proud of you.” He licked his lips, then pressed them together.
“But all Dad cared about was keeping you quiet. He’d bang on your door and shout at you to shut up, even when he knew how badly it upset you.
If I was home, I’d pull you into the cupboard and help calm you down. But I wasn’t home that time.
“I heard the screams from outside. There was blood on the carpet…” Micah’s look was fixed on the ground, deep creases running across his forehead. “You were lying there, not moving. You must’ve been five or six. When Mum came back from the hospital without you… I thought Dad had killed you.”
Eris saw the horror on Denny’s face, the same that had seeped through Micah’s words.
She’s almost been killed by her own father.
The news should probably make her feel something.
It didn’t.
She wasn’t surprised, nor hurt. If she’d known all along, she would’ve resented her father for not going through with it, for giving her a life she had never wanted and then leaving her alone to deal with it.
“I’d better fetch some tissues,” said Denny.
“They’re in the―” Eris began, but Denny was already gone.
Micah wiped a tear off his face. “She’s nice.”
“Yeah.” Eris grinned proudly. “You don’t really know the meaning of ‘nice’ until you meet Denny.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, why? Oh, about Dad? Peachy.”
He gave her a sceptical look.
“Guess I’m too fucked up to care.” She spit out a low, spiritless laugh.
“I’m sorry, Eris. I should’ve been there. I should’ve found a way―”
“You were just a kid yourself, Mikey. If you’d taken me away, you would've been accused of child abduction.”
“I wanted to give you a better life.”
“It wasn’t your fault. We both deserved better.”
“Are you happy, though? You look happy.”
“I am. Didn’t think I’d ever say this, but I really am. After going all my life wishing to go to sleep and never wake up… I’m in a really good place. Not just metaphorically.”
“Your girl sits pretty, eh? In quite a lot of senses.”
“Yeah. She’s got a big heart, though―too big. She’s been nothing but loving to me from day one, even when I was a bit of a cunt to her. I don’t deserve her. This world doesn’t deserve her.”
Micah’s expression went impossibly soft. “You love her?”
“Yeah.” A burst of liquid sunlight flooded Eris’ chest. Never in her life would she have thought she’d get close enough to someone to love them. “I tried not to, but…” She waved her hand in the direction of the kitchen. Micah gave her an amused nod of affirmation.
“You’re laughing, but that’s how it went. I didn’t want her. It was her money I was after. But she was so good and understanding for absolutely no reason, no matter how nasty I was… A few weeks with her and I was the one who got screwed over.”
“I’m glad.”
Denny ambled in with a handful of kitchenroll. “Sorry, couldn’t find the tissues.”
“You’ve got an ancient packet in the green bag you never use and at least three in the shoe cabinet drawer.”
“Oh.” Denny glanced down at her hands. “I’ll―”
“Give those over, Sunshine,” Eris laughed, beckoning. She pulled Denny down to sit on her lap. The weight comforted her, making her feel less adrift in the tide of sensations that was squalling her.
Micah took a sheet to wipe his nose.
“How old were you?” he asked Eris. “When you left.”
“Night before my eighteenth birthday.”
“I was only a couple of months late…” Micah scrubbed a hand over his face. His sorrow hit Eris like a gust of icy wind. “Dad freaked out when I mentioned you. He was livid because you’d taken his knife.”
The information gave Eris a perverse sense of vindication.
As long as she’d been a minor, she’d had an intrinsic value measured in benefit checks; after coming of age, her worth had dropped below zero, which was fine by her, because that had also meant no one would come looking for her if she had run away.
Her departure would’ve been a relief to both their parents and Eris was too spiteful to do those people a favour without taking a toll, so she’d made sure to leave her mark by taking something that would actually be missed.
“He died three years ago, did you know?”
“No.” She couldn’t care less. “I never went back, they never reached out.”
“When Mum phoned to tell me, I thought she had news about you. I should’ve known better.” Micah exhaled a bitter scoff. “All she wanted was dosh for the funeral.”
“I hope you didn’t cough it up.”
“Of course not.” A deep crease formed in his forehead. “Every penny I had was for finding you.”
Eris held Denny tighter to herself. A slender arm wrapped around her shoulders. Soft lips touched her temple. It was almost too much.
“I make good money,” said Micah with a hopeful smile. “I can help you out. I’ll pay for whatever you need: food, clothes, therapy, rent… Even plastic surgery, if you—”
“I don’t give a shit about the scars,” Eris cut short. “All I care about is that you’re here.”
“There must be something you need… Anything.”
There wasn’t. Denny had already given her more than she could’ve dreamed of.
“Hey.” A gentle nudge made her glance up: sweet, loving eyes were scrutinising her closely. “All he’s asking is to be your big brother.”
Micah gratefully glanced at Denny before turning to Eris. “Please. I’ve been saving since my very first paycheck.”
Eris recognised it, the urgency in his tone, the need to feel useful, meaningful. It was the sentiment which had driven her to help Denny with the quincenera commission, to repair the broken phone, to accept the job offer… It was what Denny had fought so hard to get her to understand.
“He’s been waiting fifteen years for this—to make a difference for you.” Denny brushed Eris’ hair behind her ear. “There is something you need.”
Help wasn’t always a moral duty or an act of pity.
Sometimes it was love asking to be accepted.