Chapter 14 Harlan
Sitting through that game was the longest few hours of my life.
When I asked Oliver this morning who the Grizzlies were playing, he smiled and said the Sea Scorpions.
This man obviously didn’t do any homework on me at all.
I’m sure the color drained from my face, because within seconds, he was up from his seat at the table and kneeling next to me. “Harlan, what is it?”
“It’s nothing. It’s fine,” I squeak. Clearing my throat, I try to sound more convincing. “I really am fine. I just…my ex plays for the Sea Scorpions.”
It was Oliver’s turn to look horrified. “Oh my god. I’m such a fucking idiot. I didn’t know. I should have realized. We don’t have to go, baby. I am so sorry.”
I rush to reassure him. “No, don’t do that. I didn’t tell you who my ex was. There was no way for you to know.” I don’t mention that he knew I was living in Brooklyn and that I did, in fact, tell him I had dated an MLB player. I believe him when he says he didn’t know. “We can go, Oli. Seriously.”
When they announced the lineup at the game and Darío’s name wasn’t on the roster, I was confused.
I’ve actively avoided keeping up on his career.
Not because I don’t care, but because hyper fixation is a bitch.
As I’m mulling it over from my seat outside of the suite, I hear one of Oliver’s coworkers mention Dare’s fractured hand.
I have to tap into the toolbox that Meg gave me to deep breathe until the urge to Google everything about his injury has passed.
I don’t stop myself from casually eavesdropping on any conversations that come up about the Scorpions as we watch the game, however.
The fireworks display was beautiful, but I spent a lot of it watching Darío sit casually with Travis Morrow’s head in his lap.
I’m not jealous of Travis because I know there is nothing but platonic love between the two of them.
They are closer than most brothers I know, apart from Wes and his twin, Bennett.
Those two are on another level. I’ve only met Travis a few times since they play for different teams. Dare hasn’t always been great about keeping in touch, but they inevitably pick up right where they left off if they’re in the same place at the same time.
Travis is kind, funny, and fiercely protective of Darío, which means he probably hates me.
Oliver takes my hand to lead me back through the suite once the fireworks have ended. “You up to go out for a bit? There’s a street festival not far from the house over in Castro. Lots of queer-owned businesses are set up, and it’s a lot of fun.”
“Sounds perfect,” I say sincerely. San Francisco may not be Brooklyn, but I still feel more at home here than I do back in London. “I just need the toilet before we go.” I kiss his cheek and head to the bathrooms in the suite his company owns.
Locking the door of the single-person room, I heave a deep breath and look in the mirror.
Oliver insisted it was casual despite how upscale the suite seemed, so I settled on loose jeans with rips through the thighs and knees, and a black crop top that says “Born this gay” in rainbow letters.
Oliver assured me that I wouldn’t have any issues with the people we were there with tonight, and he wasn’t wrong.
Everyone was very welcoming and friendly.
I exit the toilet to find Oliver waiting right outside the door. Smiling, I step toward him. “Show me San Francisco,” I say, taking his hand in mine.
Making our way from the stadium to the festival doesn’t take nearly as long as I expect it to, and Oliver doesn’t let go of my hand, other than getting in and out of the car.
I’m not sure if it’s for his comfort or my own, but I’m grateful for the contact.
The air is cool, even for July, so I wrap myself in the light cardigan I packed.
The steady beat of music hits me before I can actually see the street festival.
Despite the late hour, everything feels bright and energetic.
There was so much food served at the game that I’m decidedly uninterested in the amazing food being served by the street vendors.
Crossings are painted in rainbows, and bright signage stands outside of tents and buildings advertising everything from meals to desserts and endless drink options.
I’ve been mostly avoiding drinking, save for the odd glass of wine with a meal, since Penelope dumped my bottles when she arrived.
It’s not that I have an alcohol problem, but it could have turned into that.
The frozen rainbow drinks at the tent we’re standing near look delicious, though, so I head over to join the queue.
Oliver snakes his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here, Harlan.”
“I am, too,” I tell him honestly. I kiss his cheek and sway with the music. He pulls me flush against his firm body, with his cheek pressed to mine. Loud cheers and catcalls rise above the music, and I laugh. “They get really excited here, huh?”
“This neighborhood knows how to have fun,” Oliver agrees as we approach the window to order my drink. Before I can pull out my card, Oliver is handing cash to the pretty bartender. “My treat.”
I step away from the bar so the next customer can order while Oliver waits for his change.
Scanning the crowd while I wait, I sip my drink that tastes more or less like a fizzy fruit punch.
There are large groups of people gathered, drinking, eating, and dancing.
I find myself really enjoying the vibe of this neighborhood.
Before I can comprehend what’s happening, I’m being scooped up in large arms and twirled around, and I let out a completely undignified shriek when my feet leave the ground.
My immediate concern is not spilling my beverage, but also, who the fuck is grabbing me?
“Harlan! I’ve missed you so much, baby!” Julian’s voice registers in my confused brain, causing a surprised laugh to bubble from my chest. I’m stunned and a bit overwhelmed, but the hug from Jules feels so good.
“Jules. Hi,” I say softly as he continues to hold me. “Great game tonight.”
“Thank you, thank you! Drinks were on the line, and I didn’t want to pay,” he laughs, and places me back on my feet.
His face turns serious as he takes me in.
“You look good. Are you good? Is London ok? Are you ok? Why are you in San Francisco? I hate that you disappeared on us. I really wanted to see you before you left.”
Jules and AJ were kind of a package deal when I started dating Darío.
They quickly became two of my favorite people.
I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye before I left Brooklyn.
While they tried to reach out a couple of times, I couldn’t bring myself to respond.
In my head, they were Dare’s, and I didn’t want to take more from him than I already had.
And if I’m being perfectly honest, I was also worried they’d hate me for what I did.
“I’m good. London is ok. I am getting there; it was a rough few months. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. You and AJ are Dare’s friends, you know? I wasn’t sure you really wanted to see me, if I’m honest,” I confess, unable to meet his eyes.
When I look up, I see the hurt on Julian’s face. “Harlan, I don’t know what made you think that we weren’t your friends, too. What happened between you and Dare was shitty, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t also be there for you. I thought you knew us better than that.”
Feeling chastised, I take his hand. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I was selfish, Jules. I’m really glad to see you, though. Truly.”
He brightens again, the perpetual ray of sunshine that he is. “I’m just glad you’re doing better. Maybe don’t be a stranger. Who are you here with?”
I’m here with…” I turn, looking for Oliver, who is standing there staring with undisguised curiosity at Jules’s over-the-top reaction. “Jules, this is my…”
“Oliver. Nice to meet you,” Oliver interjects, offering his hand to Jules. I notice he avoided the word boyfriend, causing an immense amount of relief to wash over me. I know I owe it to Oliver to label this, but I’m not prepared for that yet.
Julian engages Oliver in polite conversation, leaving me to stand there awkwardly.
I don’t have time to contemplate the strange scenario I’ve been dropped into as I’m approached by a far more reserved AJ Copeland.
“Hi, stranger. Didn’t expect to see you here.
I kind of thought you dropped off the face of the Earth after you left. ”
His words sting, and I continue my apology tour. “I’m sorry, AJ. I don’t have an excuse.”
“It sucked, Harlan. Watching Dare fall apart, but also not knowing how you were. It felt like you didn’t give a shit about us.
Julian took it a lot harder than he’ll ever admit.
A text would have been nice,” he says. Julian is sensitive, and AJ does what he can to protect him.
I’ve always loved that about him, but being on the receiving end feels like shit.
“I know, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say,” I mumble, staring at my feet. “Julian is lucky to have you. Dare, too.”
“And you, Harlan. You had me, too. What happened didn’t have to change our friendship,” he responds before taking a deep breath. “You look good. Penny said you’ve been doing well.” Fucking Penny. Of course she’s still in touch with them.
“You looked good on the field tonight. I’ve missed watching you play,” I tell him softly. It earns me a small smile, which feels like a huge win.
“Listen, you know I love you. You don’t owe me anything. Just do better with Jules, ok? A text once in a while.” I nod, and he pulls me in for a hug. “It’s really good to see you, Harlan.”
I hug him a bit tighter before I pull away, prepared to introduce him to Oliver.
I notice Travis hanging back before I catch Darío approaching with his hands full of drinks.
Suddenly, I feel unsteady, and AJ grabs my arm to keep me on my feet.
It should have occurred to me that if Darío’s three best friends were here, he would be too.
The breath leaves my lungs as Darío meets my eyes for the first time since I walked out of our shared home in October.
Eight months of pain, longing, and regret come barreling down on me as I watch the shock flicker across his beautiful face.
He looks both different and exactly the same.
This man, who gave me everything, in every single way, only for me to take a fucking wrecking ball to his heart and mine.
“Breathe, Harlan.” AJ’s voice sounds distant and distorted. His hand moves from my elbow to my waist. The change in contact has me shaking my head. I wasn’t prepared for this. Not at all.
“I’m ok,” I lie. Oliver approaches me, concern creasing his brows.
I can see the hesitation in his steps as he takes in the protective grip that AJ has on me, and at Jules looking back and forth between Dare and me.
I smile reassuringly at AJ, despite my heart hammering in my chest, and take a step away from him.
I can practically hear my heartbeat, and it wouldn’t surprise me if everyone else here can, too.
It’s an insistent drum, more intense than the bass of the music surrounding us.
Travis is the first person to jump into action, removing the drinks from Darío’s hands, distributing them to Jules and AJ.
He says something softly to Dare, causing my ex to nod his head.
I wish I knew what he was saying yes to.
That he’s ok? That he wants to get out of here?
I know it’s none of my business, but that doesn’t make me any less curious.
Oliver steps into my space, placing his hand where AJ’s was a moment ago.
“If you want to leave, we can. If you want to talk to him, that’s ok.
You don’t have to feel guilty for whatever is going on in your pretty head, Harlan.
” My eyes start to leak, and I meet his earnest gaze.
He swipes the offending tears from my face and kisses my nose.
There’s no posturing or possessiveness in his actions.
It’s simple comfort and reassurance. “Just tell me what you need, and that’s what will happen. ”
“I think I need to talk to him. I’m so sorry,” I whisper hoarsely.
It’s an impossible situation, and one I wasn’t prepared for.
Conversations will be had with Meg about this toolkit that’s supposed to help me in hard situations.
Breathing exercises don’t seem appropriate here.
I remember wishing I could be invisible as a child.
Little Harlan didn’t need invisibility, but this hot mess adult Harlan does.
Oliver grabs my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes.
They shine with compassion and understanding.
I may be a selfish human, but I recognize how lucky I am to have a man willing to step aside while I talk to my ex-boyfriend.
To the only man I have ever loved. “Do not ever apologize for doing what you need to do. I’ll be right here waiting for you when you’re done. ”
“I don’t deserve you,” I admit. I don’t. I didn’t deserve Dare, and I don’t deserve Oliver.
“You don’t have to earn me, Harlan. Go.” He releases his hold on my face, and I turn to see Darío watching closely.
I meet Darío’s unreadable gaze again, and he speaks to me, in person, for the first time in eight months.
“Hi, Harlan.” Hearing his voice on the phone, and in videos saved on my phone—that I have watched more times than can possibly be healthy—is nothing compared to him saying my name when he’s standing in front of me.
“Dare,” I say on a sob. Jesus, I’m embarrassing. I guess maybe Meg’s breathing exercises are helpful after all. I suck in a shaky breath, and press the heels of my hands into my eyes. It does nothing to stop the steady flow of tears. I count backward from five before meeting his eyes.
“Can we talk?” he asks, taking a step closer to me. I’m afraid that if he gets too close, the smell of him will cause me to drop dead. Right here in a Pride crossing, in San Francisco. In front of my old boyfriend, and my current maybe boyfriend. Here lies Harlan; he died as he lived. Dramatically.