Chapter 7
It was mid-June, and Rebecca’s entire kitchen was in a state of flux.
Cabinets had been removed, and their replacements were lined up along the edge of the room, waiting for their time to come.
An entire wall had been torn out, and there were even more paint samples everywhere, as though she and Ben had needed more choices than before.
As though they wanted to be even more confused about which shade of beige to use, or which shade of white: ivory or cream or slate or whatever. There were just too many.
During the silent hour before the construction crew was supposed to come over for the day, Rebecca tiptoed through debris to reach her fridge.
She should have gotten a mini-fridge for the bedroom, she knew.
Her mother had told her it was for the best, but she hadn’t considered it, and now that they were on their way out of town for a few days, it seemed useless.
In the fridge, she found her yogurt and her fruit, then went back to the bedroom to brew a pot of coffee, right there on the bedside table, while she ate her yogurt in bed.
Ben wasn’t home, which freed her up for such a reckless way of living, although she doubted Ben would have cared that much.
Through the window, she watched two birds, playing and tweeting on the nearest branch.
She felt a sense of peace, one she hoped would follow her and the kids on their journey.
When the doorbell rang an hour later, all her bags were packed, and Rebecca was ready to go.
But Chad bolted through the door instead of waiting behind it, telling her, “Before we head out, I need you to look at my tux.” He went to the bathroom and changed into the tux he’d picked out for the wedding, then emerged to show her.
There was fear in his eyes. But at the sight of him like that, Rebecca could do nothing but stare.
“Wow,” she said finally, shaking her head. “You look just like your father.”
Chad’s eyes were red with tears. “I know,” he said. “It’s weird.”
“No, it’s good,” Rebecca said, coming over to hug him fiercely. “He’s so proud of you, Chad. I wish he could be here with us for your wedding.”
“Me too,” Chad breathed.
A few minutes later, Lily’s car appeared in the driveway.
Although she’d probably had a frantic morning with her toddlers and Mick, she was bright and shiny and excited, throwing her arms around both Rebecca and Chad before they got into Rebecca’s car and headed out, driving to the ferry before turning north.
They were going home, if only briefly.
The drive from Nantucket Island to Bar Harbor, Maine was nearly six hours.
Throughout their journey back to the place where Rebecca had built her career as a chef and met the first love of her life, the place where she’d birthed and then raised three children and buried her husband, Rebecca, Chad, and Lily did nothing but tell stories and laugh.
The car sped down the open road, and they felt closer than they had all year long.
It was good for their soul, Rebecca knew.
They’d been through a lot over the years. They’d lost so much.
When they reached Bar Harbor, they drove immediately to the beach they’d always gone to as a family.
There, they ate a picnic of sandwiches, fresh fruit, and cookies, watching as the sunset played across the water.
The air was much cooler in Maine than in Nantucket, so they put on their sweatshirts and sprayed for bugs.
The cemetery was already closed for the day, so the plan was to spend the night in a hotel close to downtown and see all their favorite sights again before visiting Fred tomorrow.
Namely: Rebecca wanted to eat all the things she’d missed.
Over the past five years—especially since Shelby had left—Rebecca, Chad, and Lily had made this pilgrimage back to Bar Harbor several times.
It meant that when they did get into downtown, plenty of people came out of bars and restaurants to greet them by name.
They’d grown accustomed to their yearly return.
“It’s that time of year again!” A woman named Charlene said, coming out of the restaurant she’d owned for years. “Goodness, it’s good to see the Vances!”
Rebecca hugged her longtime friend, feeling tears form in her eyes. “What did we miss?”
“Not much, and also everything,” Charlene said, laughing. “Chad, I heard the news. Congratulations!”
Chad blushed and thanked her.
“I remember you as the ten-year-old who broke my restaurant window,” Charlene said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you’re all grown up! You’re going to have crazy kids of your own soon.”
“I imagine they’ll break plenty of windows,” Chad said.
“And Lily,” Charlene said. “How are your twins?”
Lily pulled out her phone to show pictures, and Rebecca stood back proudly.
She spotted a few other Bar Harbor locals she recognized and waved.
Her heart felt full. More than that, a part of her sort of believed that Fred was somewhere around here, that he’d stepped into the store to pick something up.
She could almost make believe in that, anyway. It was achy and good at the same time.
That evening, Rebecca, Lily, and Chad grabbed fish and chips at a local dive bar-slash-restaurant.
It was filled with locals Rebecca had known for years, locals who squeezed her in hugs and asked Chad and Lily plenty of questions.
It was curious why they didn’t ask about Shelby, although Rebecca guessed they knew and remembered that Shelby wasn’t a part of their lives any longer.
Of course they were curious. But they knew better than to hurt Rebecca’s feelings about that.
Rebecca raised her glass of wine, and Chad and Lily clinked their beers against it.
“To our lives here,” Rebecca said. “To the Vance family. I love our memories here. I always will love them. Thank you for coming here with me, year after year, to uphold our memories.” She blinked away tears.
“We wouldn’t miss it, Mom,” Lily said.
Just as always, the fish and chips were greasy and sensational, and the music that poured out of the speaker system made them all sing along.
“I remember when your dad and I used to bring you kids to this place,” Rebecca said, heavy with nostalgia.
“We were in over our heads with three kids, and sometimes, you got up from the table and ran around the restaurant, making friends with whoever you met. We were grateful when other people took over for a while, if only so we could have a glass of wine and catch our breath.”
Lily smiled. “That’s how Mick and I feel these days.”
“Our twins,” Rebecca said, thinking of Ariane and Natalia. “We’ll have to bring them to Bar Harbor sometime.”
“I’d like that,” Lily said. “I remember bringing Mick here. It must have been four years ago? I was pregnant. He loved it. We talked about moving back here.”
Rebecca’s heart surged, and Lily laughed. “Not seriously. Nothing could drag me away from Nantucket. And you know, Nantucket matchmaking has been my biggest influx of cash.”
“All those wealthy people, worried about their sons,” Chad said, laughing.
“That’s right. How many of your guy friends needed Lily’s help again?” Rebecca asked.
Chad counted them out on his fingers. “Not counting myself, that’s Scott, Henry, Taylor, and Malcolm.”
“All great guys,” Rebecca said. “Is modern dating that bad?”
“It’s a difficult world,” Lily said. “Plenty of people struggle to know what they want.”
“When I met Jenny, I realized that all the dating I’d done before her was useless,” Chad said, eyeing his older sister with love. “I don’t know what you saw in me to link me up with that perfect woman, but I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.”
Lily blushed. “Aw. You’re kinda sweet when you want to be.”
Rebecca threw her head back in laughter. And then, without considering what she was saying first, she offered, “You know who I saw the other day?”
“Who?” Lily asked.
“What’s his name? Oh, it must be Baxter,” Rebecca said, snapping her fingers. “He went on that date with Shelby.”
At this, Lily’s smile fell off her face, and Chad looked pained and morose.
Rebecca hurried to try to fix it. “I couldn’t believe it. It brought me right back to 2026. I remember when you and Shelby showed me his photograph. You said he was bookish, and I was so excited. We were so eager to help Shelby start dating!” Rebecca shook her head with sorrow.
For a moment, Chad and Lily were quiet. The basketball game on the television roared with cheers.
Rebecca cursed herself for having brought up something so painful, a time of their lives that she still blamed herself for.
Why had they pushed Shelby so hard into dating?
Maybe she hadn’t been ready. Maybe they should have left well enough alone.
“I heard he married an heiress,” Chad said finally. “Baxter, I mean. They live between the United States and Ireland. I heard they’re both miserable. They hate each other. Baxter never really got over that girlfriend of his, the one who went to South America?”
“People hinge their entire lives on things like that,” Lily said. “I can’t tell you how many men I meet who are still hung up on their ex-girlfriends from forever ago. I always want to ask them if they even remember anything about them?”
“People so often believe in fantasies,” Rebecca said sadly, thinking of Shelby. “They can’t see the love that is so clearly in front of them because they’re somewhere else in their minds.”
That night, after they all disappeared into their separate hotel rooms, Rebecca sat alone on her bed and called Ben to say good night. He answered on the first ring. “How is it?”
Rebecca’s heart surged. “I brought up Shelby, in a sort of terrible way.”
“Oh.” Ben was quiet for a moment. “I’m sure she’s heavy on your mind right now.”
“I can’t escape it, I guess,” Rebecca said. “Here in Bar Harbor, I see my three kids as they used to be, running around, getting into trouble. It’s hard for me to reckon with the fact that Shelby isn’t here. She doesn’t even know we come up to Maine every year together to be with Fred.”
“You said Chad invited her to the wedding?” Ben asked.
“He did. No word,” Rebecca said.
“Do you ever think it’s time to head out there again?”
Rebecca closed her eyes. “I never want to give up on her. But I never know how far to take it. What if I poison the rest of my life, running after a daughter who doesn’t want me around?”
“Shelby loves you,” Ben insisted. “She just doesn’t know how to come back right now.”
Rebecca wasn’t sure if her husband was right.
But she didn’t want to argue with him, not on the night before she was set to visit her first husband’s grave site.
Everything felt tremendously heavy. Rather, she insisted that Ben tell her everything about his day—he was visiting friends in Tennessee—and she lay back on the pillow and listened to Ben talk about black bears and mountains and streams. I love him, her heart whispered. I love him so much.