Chapter 33 | Caleb
Caleb
I turned from the pantry and looked at Rae who I had placed on the kitchen island. She sat there, with her feet swinging slightly, as she munched on cereal she pulled out of the box piece by piece.
The power had come back on, but since it had been off for almost twelve hours, the food in the refrigerator was spoiled.
The red in her auburn hair shone in the light from the kitchen window. She pushed her glasses up with the back of her hand and popped another bite of cereal into her mouth, her messy bun moving each time she swung her feet.
She looked at me and smiled. Gosh, I would do anything to make her smile like that every day.
“So, what’s the plan today?” she asked between bites of cereal.
I walked to the counter and leaned on it, just barely brushing her leg. “I have to go check on the horses and make sure the fence didn’t get damaged in the storm. Then I figured we would prepare food for tomorrow night, so I have to go to the store, too.”
“Can I come?” She sounded excited.
“Grocery shopping with my girl? My best friend? I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I reached into the cereal box and popped a couple pieces in my mouth.
She had been smiling but the look on her face changed. She looked far away for a moment but then resumed munching on cereal, piece by piece.
“Where did your mind go, Sunshine?”
“You said ‘best friend.’ It just had me thinking about something for a moment.”
She closed the cereal box and slid off the counter, walking to the pantry to put it away.
“I was thinking about my best friend I left. I wasn’t as close to her as you and I are, or how close we had been with Jenny and Luke, but she was the closest I had had to a best friend before...”
She looked at me and knew she didn’t have to say anything. I already knew.
“How long has it been since you spoke with her?”
“A couple years. We could only hang out or talk when Ethan was around, near the end of the friendship. Then, he cut the friendship off entirely. She was the last relationship he cut off because he knew she lived close by. I have not tried reaching out. I honestly don’t know if she would want me to call. It’s fine. Just a silly thought I had.”
I could tell she didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I walked to where she stood and offered my hand to her. “It’s not a silly thought, and if you ever want to try and contact her again, I will be right there with you, if you want me to be. She would be lucky to have you back in her life.”
She smiled that million-dollar smile at me again, and it confirmed what I already knew. Anyone would be lucky to have her in their life. I knew I was.
I was making dinner for tonight and tomorrow, when Jenny and Luke were coming over. Rae was at the kitchen island working on a batch of cookies. She seemed so happy still, like facing her fear of the dark last night was like a reset her heart and mind needed.
I put the food in the oven and set the timer before walking to the sink to wash my hands.
As I passed by her, I gave her a small smile and then kept looking at her from across the kitchen. I couldn’t get enough of her. Just being around her felt like...Home. She caught me staring. “Do I have something on my face?”
“Actually, yeah. Here, I'll get it for you.” I crossed the small space and in one swift motion dipped a finger in the flour and brushed it on her cheek.
She began laughing. Gosh, I would never tire of hearing her laugh.
“Caleb, I'm gonna get you for that!” she shouted as she swiped flour across my chin. We both stood there laughing, and I threw my hands up as if I was surrendering.
“Okay, okay. We should probably be mature adults.” She giggled.
As soon as she started to turn back to the counter, I flicked flour at her, laughing the entire time.
“Oh, now you're asking for it,” she said as she tossed flour at me again.
We began to have a flour fight. We ducked behind the counter and held up cookie sheets to block ourselves from getting hit. Duke watched from the couch, and laughter filled the kitchen.
The battle only ended when I caught her around the waist, pulling her away from grabbing another handful of flour.
“Nope, I gotcha this time!” I lifted her off the ground as she laughed uncontrollably.
I spun her away from the flour and sat her on the counter.
Standing between her legs, I stared at her, getting lost in her green eyes.
Even covered in flour, she looked beautiful. Her smile was so bright.
My thumb rubbed the inside of her wrist. Heat coiled low in my stomach, but I forced myself to breathe steadily. This wasn’t about me. It was about her.
I picked up the towel next to us and began wiping flour off her face. I gently wiped the towel across her forehead and cheek, then went to the sink to get a bit of warm water on it. I felt her eyes on me the entire time.
I stood in front of her again and began wiping at the remaining traces of flour on her face.
Much to my surprise, she leaned in and kissed me so lightly. I slowly returned the kiss as I put my hands around her hips and pulled her closer to me. Her kisses were timid, and I followed her lead. Her arms were resting on my shoulders and one hand traced circles on the back of my head.
I moved my hands from her hips to her lower back, and my finger traced the small space where her shirt had lifted. I moved slow enough that if she wanted to pull back, she could.
When I touched her skin, I felt her smile through her kiss. After a moment, I put my hand under the back of her shirt, tracing her curves with my fingers. She stilled for a brief moment, and I pulled my hands back from her body.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No, sorry, I just needed a second.” Her eyes were closed and she took a deep breath. Then another.
“Sunshine, you just say the word and I'll stop at any point.”
She smiled and then leaned in and kissed me again.
I kissed her back and then trailed kisses down her jaw and then throat.
I saw a smile cross her face before her head fell back.
I stopped at her collarbone and pulled her tank strap down so I could kiss her shoulder.
Her breath stilled for a brief moment, and I watched her out of the corner of my eye.
When I felt her relax, I continued and let my hands wander again, taking my time but remembering how her ex had hurt her. She moved her arms off my shoulders to touch my arms and I smiled at her before putting her arms back on my shoulders.
“Not yet, Sunshine, it's my time to take care of you. I promise I will not do anything to hurt you. That okay?” I whispered in her ear as I ran my fingers up and down her arms. She breathlessly nodded, and I continued kissing from her ear down her neck again.
Each of my movements was slow and careful. I wanted her to know what it's like to be loved, cared for. The bastard that hurt her didn't know what he would be losing.
I moved my hand under the back of her shirt, tracing the lines of her bra straps while my other cupped her cheek while I kissed her.
I began to lift her shirt up over her head, but she stopped me—not deliberately. It's as if it was a reflex.
“Hey, Sunshine, talk to me.”
“I'm so sorry, I'm just nervous. What if you don't like what I look like or—”
I lovingly shushed her. “Not like what you look like? Rae, you're perfection. Beautiful.”
“I don't know. I just hate my body. My thighs and my stomach—”
“Are amazing. Curvy. Perfect. I want to show you how amazing I think you are. I want to see and kiss every curve. Treat you how you deserve.” I brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear. “But if you're not ready, we can stop.”
She had tears in her eyes and I immediately noticed. “Hey, did I say something wrong?” I reached up and wiped at the tear that fell.
While shaking her head, she put my hands on the hem of her shirt and kissed me deeply.
I didn't rush her. I moved her shirt up a couple inches at a time, tracing her spine with my fingers as I went. I could feel her shaking slightly, but she didn’t stop me.
When her shirt was off, she started to move her arms to cover her stomach, but I stopped her. I placed her arms over my shoulders again and looked into her eyes. I wanted her to have time to readjust, and she noticed the gesture.
“You are beautiful, Rae.”
She smiled at me, nervousness still behind her eyes.
“Hold on. I'm going to move you off this counter so you're more comfortable.”
She giggled as I picked her up and carried her to the couch. The sound of her laugh melted my heart. I laid her down, propping her head up with a pillow.
Just then, the timer on the stove went off. Dinner was done. “Don't move, Sunshine. I'll be right back.”
She lay there on the couch, and when I glanced over at her, I saw her watching me. I gave her a smile and finished up what I had to do.
When I returned, I joined her on the couch and stared at her for a few seconds. “Gosh, Rae, you're stunning.” She blushed.
I held her close, tracing my fingers along her shoulder and then around her back to her bra clasp, pausing for a few seconds.
“Can I?”
She swallowed and gave a soft “yeah.”
I unhooked it and dropped one strap from her shoulder, pausing between each movement, giving her time to breathe.
I kissed her bare shoulder and paused when she tensed slightly.
When she didn't say anything, I continued to kiss my way down her chest, stopping right above her heart.
“Your heart is safe with me,” I whispered.
Slowly, I slid the straps down her arms and let the fabric fall.
My heart was already beating out of my chest, but now, it was beating so hard I was sure she could hear it.
I took a moment to look at her—not just her body, but really see her. The way her breathing quickened and her skin flushed. “Gosh, Rae, you're so damn beautiful.” I brushed my fingers along her arm.
A small smile curled her lips as she looked at me.
I kissed just above her heart again and my fingers skimmed her waist, just below her ribs. I watched how her body reacted to my touch.
I leaned down and my lips grazed the slope of her right breast. Slow. Gentle. Her cheeks were stained pink. My hands moved slowly to her sides, near her ribcage.
That's when it happened. Her whole body stiffened and she turned away from me, shutting her eyes.
“Rae? Hey...talk to me.”
“I'm so sorry. I need a minute.”
I quickly moved back onto the couch and passed her the blanket behind me. She grabbed it and pulled it around her.
“Here you go. There’s nothing to be...”
“I-I'm so—”
“There is nothing to be sorry for, Sunshine. You don’t owe me anything.” I reached out with an open hand but she pulled back and covered her face with her hands.
“I really wanted—I'm sor—” She got up and ran to her room. She shut the door behind her slowly, and then I heard her sob.
My heart dropped and I felt helpless. I hated that she still felt like she had to apologize to me. I wanted to go to her, to fix it, but I knew the only way to love her right now was to let her have the space she needed.