SURRENDER (LET HIM SIN Book 4)

1

KING

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I wake up with a pounding headache and my vision feels like it's swimming.

Little bits and pieces of last night come back, and I'm wondering if it actually happened.

There's a flash of Erica's lips on my lips.

Me kissing her, seeing her outside, and following her outside in the dark to check on her, but not remembering much except for the feel of my body against hers as I held her pressed up against the side of the house, kissing her neck, my hands roaming under her shirt.

“ Oh no ” I whisper, sinking my forehead into the pillow in ultimate mortification.

I miss my bed. I'm almost afraid to face everyone with what happened last night and hope I didn't make too much of a fool of myself.

As I get ready, preparing to head out so Erica and I can catch our flight, I already ordered the ride to pick us up, I also remember how loud and boisterous I was at the dinner table.

I remember at some point Erica's father looking at me and then getting up and leaving the table where I continued to make a fool of myself in front of Erica's mother.

Double mortification.

Later that evening on the plane ride back, Erica and I are quiet.

Neither of us says much. The whole trip feels like it’s happening somewhere else, on another plane of existence, and I’m just watching it unfold from far away, detached, like none of it really touched me.

Or maybe like I’m the one who doesn’t belong in it anymore.

When we finally get back to Brackenridge, the car drops me at my house first. The streetlights are on, the neighborhood quiet except for the engine idling. Things are quiet between us.

Uncomfortably so.

Erica turns to me. We’re both still sitting in the backseat.

“I’ll go up with you,” she says, already unbuckling her seatbelt.

“No. It’s fine. No,” I say tiredly, the words coming out awkward.

“My mom said to give you this,” she says, pulling out a roll of cash and holding it toward me.

“What is that?”

“She didn’t want you to pay for your ticket.”

“I’m not taking that.”

“I mean—“

“No. Erica it… please. It’s okay. Tell her it was a pleasure.”

“Let me walk you—“

Sternly, I throw my gaze at her. “I said no. I’m fine. I don’t…”

“I get it. My bad,” she mumbles.

The last thing I need is her in a place alone with me.

Wednesday evening when I got home, I immediately went into overhaul; praying, supplication, the works. My body and my spirit needed cleansing, and for the last few days that’s what I’ve been vigilantly working on.

Tomorrow starts the new year.

I don’t want to start the new year going backwards in my spiritual journey. I’ve worked far too long and far too hard for me to just end up where I started.

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Sitting down with my Bible open, I read the passages that always revitalize my soul. Doing everything necessary, prayer, study, reflection, supplication, I make sure my spirit is aligned before anything else. Then I head out for evening service.

Even though it's Monday, this is one of the few allowances Lightbearer Ministries makes when it comes to ushering in the new year.

A lot of churches do it too. But we gather to plead the blood of Jesus Christ over the year, to speak life and blessings into it.

I want to be part of that. I've already done my part worshiping at home, and now I'm here.

The sanctuary is almost full, people packed in close, voices rising together in praise. The music swells, hands lift, and the whole place feels alive with worship. As soon as the clock strikes twelve, the pastor cries out, and everybody shouts together.

"Glory be to God!"

Screams and worship fill the air. No one here is watching some foolish ball drop that means nothing.

We know exactly who we're honoring. We're not caught up in useless, vapid New Year's resolutions.

We're committing to do the right thing, to work even harder for the Lord, to bring more people into His kingdom, to win souls.

The new year comes and goes. Hard to believe that whole last year has already passed.

Now it's two Sundays into January. I find myself happily getting ready for church, driving there with the radio up loud. "Our God is greater" comes on, and I'm screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs, keeping perfect time with the percussion, pounding the steering wheel like it's a drum.

I pull up, step out of my truck, still smiling as I walk inside. I say hello to everyone I pass, feeling the warmth of familiar faces.

I've been staying away from Erica. I understand that's part of my spiritual journey right now. I can't help someone that deep in sin if I'm not fortified myself. After what happened, I know this is the best thing for the moment.

After service ends, I talk with Aaliyah.

We're just chatting about God, sharing thoughts, laughing here and there. For me, everything feels back to normal.

I feel like myself again, like God and I are old buddies, the way we've always been.

My mind is right. My spirit is strengthening.

I can tell it was starving, neglected for a while, but now it's fed, fat, and full again.

Good thing too, because I'm heading back to the youth camp tomorrow, Monday, and I'll need to be strong for that.

We keep talking. It feels like a whole hour passes before Aaliyah laughs and says, "Okay, you need to go home."

I laugh too, lean in for a hug. She hugs me back, smiling brightly.

"Have a good week, Brother King!” some other women shout out from nearby.

"You too," I call back, grinning as I head to my truck. I climb in feeling like a million bucks, and I can't stop smiling.

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