Chapter 20 #2
Genevieve stiffened and glanced away from him, her heart pounding in her chest. If she answered him truthfully, it would only encourage him. With a shake of her head, she sighed with resignation.
“It doesn’t matter why. You already know I won’t change my mind about us.”
“Nonetheless, I want to hear you say it.” The steely note of determination made her flinch. Swallowing her fear, she averted her gaze.
“Because I love you,” she whispered. A whoosh of air filled the parlor, and she jerked her head in his direction in surprise. Relief visible on his face, he stepped toward her.
“It was hard enough getting you to say that the first time, but at least I didn’t dream it.” The moment he caught her hands in his, Genevieve shuddered, then jerked free a second later.
“How I feel about you changes nothing.”
“But it does, mo leannan. We love each other. It’s as simple as that.”
“It’s not simple at all, and you damn well know it,” she snapped. “My past makes it impossible for us to be together,”
“Goddamn it, I don’t care about your past. In fact, you’re the only one who believes your past is an obstacle that can’t be overcome when our happiness is at stake.”
“No, I’m not the only one,” she said in a fierce, scathing rejection of his words.
“Who else then?”
“You, Lord Selbourne.” This time she didn’t refrain from hiding her bitterness.
“Me?” Theo exclaimed with indignation. “Didn’t I just say I don’t care about your past?”
“And I don’t believe you,” she said with chilling precision, her words a staccato beat in the air as she eyed him with contempt.
Outrage hardening his handsome features into a stony mask, Theo closed the distance between them. Refusing to retreat again, Genevieve flinched when he halted only a foot away from her. Theo’s woodsy, pine scent filled her nostrils, and her heart began to race.
It had been weeks since she’d been this close to him, and the last time he’d been seriously injured.
But he was at his most devastating now, and fear made her tremble as he studied her intently.
Dear God, if he knew how easily he could bend her to his will, she would be lost. Deliberately, she forced herself to remember his stony silence that night in the safe house.
“Why do I think all of this has to do with the night you walked out on me?”
“I told you before, there was no reason to stay,” she said, her words harsh and caustic as pain sliced through her.
Theo had stood there in front of her after she’d confessed her soul, staring at her, his expression unreadable. He’d not even flinched when she’d told him she could never give him an heir. Not once had he even looked as if he were going to reach out to her—to take her into his arms.
There had been nothing from him to make her think he still wanted to marry her.
Nothing to make her believe he could love her deeply, in spite of what Ruckley had done to her.
That night, Genevieve had bared herself to Theo in a way she had never done with anyone else, not even her parents.
But his silence had said there were limits to everything, even his love for her.
“But you’ve never explained why,” he said quietly.
“That’s because I’ve answered far too many of your questions as it is.” Genevieve’s voice was brittle and vitriolic as she eyed him with icy anger. “Callous questions that dredged up the darkness of my past, all for the sake of explaining why I can’t—won’t marry you.”
§ § §
A familiar facade of icy disdain fell over Genevieve’s features, but the scorn in her gaze emphasized the harsh rancor in her voice as she turned away from him.
Theo’s muscles tightened with misgiving.
Genevieve had always hidden her feelings from others, and while he’d learned over the last few months to see beneath the surface, this was different.
Cold and distant, her expression was shut off to him, but her posture betrayed her emotions. She was rigid with fury. With a contemptuous look, she turned away from him. Repeating her stinging words in his head, Theo began to comprehend just what a bastard he’d been.
She’d always found it difficult to trust people, and whenever Genevieve thought someone or something was a potential threat, she threw up an invisible wall as a shield to protect herself.
He needed to remember that fact. He needed to remember that just because he’d said he loved her didn’t mean he’d won her trust.
Genevieve had been abused in the most brutal, horrifying manner possible for a child.
She’d learned a long time ago how to block off emotions that might reveal more than she wanted others to see.
The abuse she’d endured as a child had shaped her inability to put her trust in anyone other than her family.
Even then he’d seen that shield raised to keep others from knowing what she was thinking or how much she hurt.
It took little for Genevieve to retreat behind that protective wall.
Ever since that day in the croft, he had pushed her too hard. He’d sworn by the sword and blood of Angus Stewart to keep her safe, but he’d failed to fulfill the second part of his oath. He’d not proven himself to be the man she needed him to be.
Instead of giving her the time and space to share the darkness of her past of her own free will, he’d demanded answers without considering the impact it would have on her emotions.
He’d been a bastard, and now he might pay the ultimate price of losing her if he couldn’t make her see how much he loved her—how the only thing that mattered to him was spending every day of the rest of his life with her.
Regret and pain streaked through him at how reckless and impatient he’d been.
When it came to living up to the Rockwood family’s reputation for reckless behavior, he had successfully met every qualification.
He’d been so damned determined to convince her to marry him, he’d failed to consider the emotions he must have brought to the surface every time he pushed her for answers.
Genevieve had said his questions had been callous, and she was right.
What the hell could he say to convince her that the only thing that mattered to him was spending the rest of his life loving her and making her happy?
Theo swallowed hard as his mind posed the question.
A question for which he had no answer. Clearing his throat, he stared at her profile.
“Genevieve, I regret not giving you the chance to tell me about your past when you were ready to do so. It was wrong of me to demand answers you weren’t ready to share.
I was blinded by my own needs, and I failed to consider how you must have felt every time I pushed you for answers or my demands that we should marry. ”
Theo heard the sorrow in his voice, and he could only hope Genevieve would know how sincere his apology was. His sober words dangled in the air between them, but she didn’t move. All he could see of her face was her profile, and her expression revealed little.
After a long moment, Genevieve turned to face him. There was a look of defeat on her lovely features that made his gut twist. But it was the pain he saw reflected in her green eyes that scared the hell out of him.
“Thank you.” Her simple reply filled him with relief, but it was short-lived as he was thrown into the dark pit of hell a second later. “While I appreciate the sentiment of your words, Theo, it changes nothing. I won’t marry you.”
“Christ almighty, Genevieve. What do I have to do to make you believe me?” Fear made his voice sharp and savage. “I love you, and I know you love me. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care about your past?”
“But you do care, Theo,” she said softly as she met his gaze, a stark anger still making her soft features stony with contempt.
Genevieve’s eyes darkened with a pain that sent a chill through him as she shook her head.
“I happen to know you care deeply about how my past will affect your life. Your position in society. I cannot, will not, allow you to sacrifice yourself simply because you feel the need to do the honorable thing.”
“Don’t tell me what I do or don’t care about, Genevieve,” he snarled with restrained fury as once again she accused him of caring about how her past would impact his social position.
Resentful of her accusation, Theo glared at her, but Genevieve’s aloof, emotionless expression never slipped.
Frustration assailed every inch of him as he began to pace the carpet.
He’d thought he’d learned to see beneath that stoic mask she wore whenever she felt threatened, but not now. She’d cut him out completely.
Ever since Peter had told him about Genevieve’s past, Theo had understood her lack of trust in people, men especially.
For the first time, he realized he’d been a half-wit.
He’d not even considered she might not trust him.
He’d assumed she would trust him simply by virtue of his stating he loved her.
But her lack of faith in him was a trust he’d not yet earned.
If he wanted to reach her, Theo needed to go about it slowly and gently.
Coming to a halt, he studied her profile, determined to control his emotions so she would understand that she was mistaken about him.
“Honor has nothing to do with my insistence on marrying you, Genevieve. That day at the croft, I couldn’t admit to myself that I was in love with you,” he said with a quiet fervor he could only hope would impress upon her how sincere he was.
“I told myself that honor was the reason I was so relentless in my demands we marry. But that wasn’t the real reason I wanted you to be my wife.
I wanted to marry you because I love you. Honor had nothing to do with it.”