2. Shante #4
I looked at him like the crazy selfish muthafucka that he was! It was the audacity for me. He acted like this shit was simple. It was no way that he could just lay next to Alisha at night and not feel some type of guilt. The more I think about it he probably could.
“You’ll figure it out.”
I blinked then let out the driest laugh. “Oh…that’s your plan? I’ll figure it out?”
He shrugged. “What else you want me to say?”
This wasn’t eating Deuce up the way it was eating me. In his mind the hard part was over, but my problem was just getting started.
“You selfish as hell.” I shook my head. “You know that?”
He looked me dead in my face. “I did what I had to do.”
There was no apology or no remorse. Just… “I did what I had to do.”
“You did what was best for YOU.” You ain’t think about Alisha. You damn sure ain’t think about me. You was only thinking about saving your own ass.”
He didn’t have nothing slick to come back with. He just looked at me.
I shook my head. “I used to think loyalty meant standing beside the people you love no matter what.” I looked him dead in his face. “But loyalty ain’t supposed to cost you your damn self.” I brushed past him, this time he ain’t follow me, because he knew I was right.
“Shante.”
I hit the button and waited. “What?”
“Get yourself together before you go home.”
I turned around slow. “The fuck?”
“You been crying.” He glanced at my face before adding, “And wipe them tears. Malik already ask too many damn questions.”
I just looked at him this nigga really ain’t shit. Not one time had he asked me if I was okay. Everything was about making sure his little plan stayed in place.
Before the elevator doors opened, he looked at me one more time. “And don’t fuck this up.”
I laughed one of them laughs you let out when somebody got you so fucked up you don’t even know what else to do.
“Man… Fuck you, ole bitch ass nigga.”
The elevator doors opened and I stepped out without looking back.
If he said something else, I ain’t hear it.
By the time I made it outside, I felt drained.
I felt like somebody had reached inside my chest and snatched all the life outta me.
I unlocked my truck and climbed in and I just sat there.
The truck was running. I couldn’t make myself pull off.
My phone lit up and it was Alisha. My stomach dropped so damn fast it made me sick. I watched it ring until it stopped.
What the hell was I gone say? “Hey sis.” Knowing damn well I had just betrayed her in the worst way possible?
I let it ring until it stopped. I tossed my phone over in the passenger seat.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. I finally pulled out of the parking lot.
Detroit was doing what Detroit always do.
Folks cutting people off, some fool blowing his horn like that was gone make traffic move.
Somebody flying past me doing at least ninety.
Usually, I’d have something slick to say, but today I ain’t have shit.
My head was too full. The further I drove the heavier everything felt. The hard part was living with a decision after you made it, and I had a feeling mine was gone follow me everywhere I went.
By the time I pulled into the driveway, I had wiped my face enough to where I looked halfway normal. Halfway was gone have to be enough, I grabbed my purse, took a deep breath, and walked inside. Soon as I opened the door, the smell of fried chicken and macaroni hit me.
“Malik?” I called out.
“I’m in the kitchen.”
I kicked my shoes off and headed that way soon as I walked in, he looked over his shoulder.
“What’s up beautiful?”
He had an apron tied around his waist, grease popping on the stove while he flipped chicken like he been cooking all day.
I couldn’t help but smile a little. “What you over here playing housewife for?” I joked.
He laughed. “I just figured my woman probably ain’t feel like cooking.”
Before I could say anything else, he walked over and wrapped his arms around me then he pulled back. “Where you been?”
“I had a doctor’s appointment.”
His whole face changed. “A doctor’s appointment?”
“Yeah.” I replied.
He frowned. “Why you ain’t tell me? I would’ve went with you.”
That right there almost took me out. I forced a little shrug. “It was just a regular check-up. Ain’t nothing serious.”
He searched my face for a second. “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“You know you ain’t gotta do stuff like that by yourself.” He let me know.
“I know.”
He nodded slowly before kissing my forehead. “Aight as long as you straight.”
He turned back toward the stove like the conversation was over. “I made your favorite,” he said. “Fried chicken, mac and cheese and greens.”
I looked at his back and felt that guilt settle even heavier on my shoulders. This man was in here cooking for me and was concerned about me. And ready to drop whatever he was doing to sit beside me at a doctor’s appointment he didn’t even know about at first.
Meanwhile I had spent my day letting another man talk me into carrying his mistress’s baby.
Lord, how the hell was I supposed to keep looking this man in his face and lie to him every single day?
I wasn’t just betraying Alisha anymore. I was betraying the one man that had never given me a reason to question his love.