2. Shante #3
She crossed my mind so much it was starting to piss me off.
Because she ain’t deserve none of this. She never treated me like I was just Deuce’s sister, I was family.
She trusted me and this was how I was paying her back.
That thought damn near made me throw up.
I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, pressing both hands against my forehead.
“What the hell am I doing?” I whispered. Nobody answered. Deep down I already knew I was choosing loyalty over morals. And whether that made me a good sister or a terrible friend only time was gone tell.
The doctor came back in with two nurses behind him. One of them rolled the ultrasound machine over beside the bed while the other started opening packages and laying everything out metal trays, gloves, long plastic tubes and syringes.
“Ms. Carter, I’m going to insert a small catheter through your cervix. Once it’s in place, the embryo will be transferred into your uterus. The whole process only takes a few minutes.” I nodded, that was about the only thing I seemed capable of doing.
The nurse adjusted the blanket over my legs before helping me get in position. “This might feel a little uncomfortable.” The doctor let me know.
Being uncomfortable was wearing heels all night. This was betrayal dressed up in a doctor’s appointment. I stared up at the ceiling while they worked. The ultrasound screen sat off to my right. I could’ve looked, but I didn’t. Some things change your life whether you watch ’em happen or not.
The doctor spoke quietly to the nurse as she handed him the catheter.
A few seconds later, I felt the pressure he warned me about.
Not pain just enough to remind me this wasn’t a nightmare, it was real.
The room stayed quiet while everybody focused on their part.
Then the doctor looked toward the screen. “There it is.”
I turned my head before I could stop myself and a tiny white speck flashed across the monitor.
Crazy how something so little could carry so much damage.
People swear it’s the big mistakes that ruin your life.
It ain’t, most times it’s one little decision you convince yourself you had to make. Then you spend years paying for it.
“It’s complete.” The doctor stepped back while the nurse wrote something down on my chart.
The nurse smiled. “We’re going to let you rest for about ten minutes.
” I nodded again and everybody walked out one by one until it was just me.
I laid there staring at that ceiling. My phone vibrated on the chair beside my clothes.
I already knew it was Malik before I even looked.
Probably checking on me and wanted to tell me he loved me.
I closed my eyes. Sometimes the hardest part about lying ain’t opening your mouth. It’s letting somebody love you knowing they are loving a version of you that don’t exist no more.
I let out a long breath and rubbed both hands over my face. “Damn…” That was all I had to say was just damn. A couple minutes later the nurse came back holding a folder.
“Everything went well,” she said with a smile. “You can go ahead and get dressed.”
Went well that was a hell of a way to put it. I slid off the table and reached for my clothes. Pulling my hoodie over my head felt harder than it should’ve, even tying my shoes felt different.
I walked in here one person and was leaving out somebody else.
The nurse stood there going over paperwork while I got dressed.
“You’ll probably have some light cramping today.
Keep taking your medication like we’ve discussed.
No drinking, no heavy lifting, and we’ll see you back in about ten days for your blood work. ” She let me know.
I nodded. “If you have any severe pain or heavy bleeding, call us immediately.”
“Okay.”
She handed me the folder. “I know this can be an emotional process.”
Emotional? She didn’t even know the half. I thanked her anyway because she ain’t deserve my attitude. Soon as she walked out, I looked at myself in the mirror hanging on the wall. I didn’t even recognize the woman in the mirror. Some decisions change you before anybody else can see it.
I grabbed my purse and walked out of the room. Soon as I looked up there was Deuce standing against the wall scrolling through his damn phone, business never stopped. He looked up when he heard my footsteps.
“Everything good?” He asked.
I sucked my teeth. “Hell nah, everything ain’t good?” I yelled.
He frowned. “What you mean?”
“I just walked out that room carrying your side bitch baby…And all your ass got to say is, ‘Everything good?’”
He looked around the hallway before lowering his voice. “Man lower your damn voice.”
“Nigga, I ain’t lowering shit. You got me out here living foul as hell and you worried about how loud I’m talking?”
His face got hard. “Calm the fuck down.”
I pointed at him. “That’s the problem. You keep telling everybody else to calm down while you out here creating the damn problem.”
“I’m handling it.”
“The hell you is!” I snapped. “You ain’t handling shit! You forgot about the damn consequences after all this.”
“Man, if you just shut the fuck up and let everything play out you will be alright. It ain’t like you ain’t getting something out of this.”