29. Shane
Shane
“I’d hate to be you tonight,” JT chuckles over the phone as I answer.
Pulling up to the curb at our apartment, I hold the phone to my ear with my shoulder. “Me?”
“Yeah… your ass is grass, my friend.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Your little buddy showed up just after you left.”
I frown. “Who?”
“Marcus, motherfucker! Said you owed him three hundred bucks. I paid him, by the way. You’re welcome.” He huffs. “But Nik was coming out of the building when he pulled up. I’ve never seen someone go completely white with anger before. If I were you, I’d tread very fucking carefully.”
“Goddamn it,” I murmur, rubbing my eyes. “Why was she there?”
“Apparently you didn’t come home after work yesterday. Said she tried to call a couple times, and you didn’t answer, so she swung by to see if you’d showed up for work today.”
I groan, climbing out of the truck. “I had to run to Gran’s. Her dryer quit yesterday. My phone was out in the truck.”
He’s quiet for a second, then scoffs. “I thought you were done with that shit?”
“I’m trying.”
“Yeah…”
Running a hand over my forehead, I take the stairs up to our unit and say, “Look, don’t go telling Gabe shit. I’ve got it under control.”
“Are you fucking dumb? Gabe knows just as well as I do that you’re off the wagon. It’s not a secret, dude. Or not a very good one at least.”
I sigh. “Just leave it alone, alright?”
“Whatever,” he bites before hanging up.
Dread hangs over me like a dark cloud as I stand at our door. It’s not that Nik doesn’t know. She always does, but she hasn’t brought it up yet.
That’s how this goes. I fall off, she pretends everything’s fine for a while, then she calls me on my shit.
It’s not even that I’m worried we’re going to fight about it. Honestly, I think I’d prefer if we did. It’d feel a lot better for her to just give me the ass chewing I deserve rather than her pretending everything’s fine when it’s so clearly not.
This time I have rules. No coke when I’m with her. I only do that when I’m not planning on being home because I can’t risk losing control again.
If I hurt her, it might actually kill me.
When I walk in the door, she’s at the sink washing dishes.
“Hey.”
She gives me a fake smile over her shoulder. Her voice is an octave too high when she says, “Hey.”
“You okay?”
She nods a little too quickly. “Uh-huh.”
Steam rises from the sink as she scrubs at a plate that’s already clean.
“Nikki, I’m really sorry—” I snatch her bright red hands out of the water, her skin burning hot against mine. “What the—”
I dip my finger into the dishwater. “Fucking hell! Why is it so hot?”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t be a baby. It’s not that bad.”
“Not that bad? Look at your fucking hands.” I hold them up between us.
Ripping them out of my grip, she goes to pull the dish back out of the water.
“No. Stop!”
She turns and puts her hands on her hips. “Shane, I’m doing the dishes. What do you want me to do? Just leave them?”
“No, but cool the fucking water off first.” I flip the faucet back on, adding cold water to the full sink.
She sighs like I’m the one being ridiculous, then changes the subject like it was nothing. “Don’t come in here barking shit at me. Where the hell were you?”
“At Gran’s.”
“No! You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You didn’t come home yesterday. We were supposed to go to Ash’s for dinner with her boyfriend, remember?”
“Yeah. I remember telling you I wasn’t going.”
“She’s your sister, and she wanted you there.
“I don’t care what she wants. My mother made it very clear that she didn’t want me there. And I don’t fucking like the guy.”
“That’s not fair. You can’t judge him from a couple of FaceTime calls.”
Everyone judges me and that’s fine.
“Sure I can, and I think he’s a rich douchebag.”
“Maybe, but she loves him. You could have sucked it up for Ash.”
“I was doing it for Ash. If I’d gone, my mom would have made a whole thing of it, and I’d have ruined the night anyway.”
She shakes her head before throwing up her hands.
“Forget it! Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to just not know where you are? Or how I feel when everyone asks where you are and I have to lie to them because I can’t say, ‘he’s probably high somewhere, but I don’t really know because he won’t answer the fucking phone’? ”
I step toward her. “Nikki—"
“Don’t! Just…” With a sigh, she turns on her heel and takes off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Fucking hell.
Maybe I should reconsider wanting to fight it out with her in the future. Dear universe, this really wasn’t what I fucking meant.
After a couple of minutes, I knock on the door. “Nikki, I’m really sorry.”
“Fuck off!”
“Come on! I didn’t mean to worry you. It was stupid and immature of me to ignore your calls last night. I was just trying to avoid fighting with you.”
“You could have avoided it by going with me.”
Clenching my teeth, I let out a long breath. “Please, just come out here and talk to me.”
“No.”
The need to make things up to her has words I’d normally never say spilling from my lips. “Some of the guys are going out tonight, wanna go?”
There’s a long, lingering silence, and I start to wonder if she heard me through the door. I open my mouth to repeat myself when she opens it just a crack, her lips pursed and eyes narrowed. “Why?”
I roll my eyes. “Because you love it, and they invited us. I’m trying to make things right with you. Let me?”
She hesitates. It’s shit of me to push her into forgiving me when I don’t deserve it, but I add, “I’ll DD.”
Then she grins, nods, and slams the door to get ready.
JT and Katie sit at a table with Theo, Gabe, and Lily. Nik runs through the packed bar and plops down beside Katie. Who would have thought those two would end up being close. It’s so weird, but I’m glad Nik has someone.
“This is fun!” she shouts as I sit across the table, and Lily slides a drink in front of her.
JT shoots me a weird look like he has something to say, but I don’t know what.
When Nik and Katie go to the bar to get drinks, he leans over the table. “Please tell me you didn’t put her on the back of your bike.”
My brows pinch. “What?”
His eyes drop to my bike keys on the table. “It’s bad enough that you ride fucked up at all, but riding with her like this…”
“I’m not—”
“Yeah, you are. I never say shit about the bullshit you pull, but that’s a hard fucking line, man. I’ll drive her home.” His tone is stern when he adds, “Don’t pull some stupid shit like that again.”
He changes to a smile as the girls come back and a pit forms in my stomach. He’s not wrong, and I feel like the world’s biggest piece of shit.
JT wraps an arm around Katie and whispers something in her ear as she smiles wide.
They’re a fucking disaster too. It’s not like they’re this happy all the time.
But he comes home at night.
He doesn’t just disappear.
When JT affectionately bites Katie’s ear and she squeals with laughter, Nik’s smile drops for half a second before a fake one appears. Her eyes fall to the table.
Is she jealous?
The bartender places a tray of shot glasses in front of us. Nik takes one.
Then, another.
And another.
With each drink, her shoulders relax a little more and her smile loosens.
A song with a deep base, one she loves, comes on, and she leaps up. Her eyes dart to me, and that loose smile turns into a lip bite before she shakes her head and grabs Theo’s hand. “Dance with me!”
After dragging him out to the dance floor, she throws her head back, pointed at the disco lights bouncing across the ceiling above.
Her long faded pink hair spills down her back.
She tried to curl it, but the waves are already falling out.
Glitter spatters her cheeks, the lights dancing off each little piece and making her skin glow.
As her eyes shut, her long lashes flutter.
Her chest lifts as she takes a deep breath, and I hold my own with her.
I don’t even realize I’m doing it until her lips part and she lets it out.
Her chin drops. Her eyes meet mine. They’re not right. Not really, and it’s not the booze. She looks… sad.
But that’s not right. We’re happy. Maybe not all the time, but most of the time.
Right?
Katie giggles.
My skin prickles.
Fuck.
I stand from the table and take off in her direction. I can’t be the man she deserves, but I don’t have to be the broody asshole all the time.
When I wrap an arm around her waist, she startles and looks up.
“What—”
“Fuck off, Theo.” I pull her in close. “This one’s mine.”
Her mouth pops open and her eyes widen. “Oh my god. Shane! Are you dancing?”
“Don’t make a big deal about it or I’ll stop,” I say against her ear, continuing to sway.
A big genuine smile spreads across her lips.
“You deserve normal. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give that to you, but I want you to have as much of it as you can.”
When the first song ends, and the next begins, Nik smiles and starts to walk off the dance floor like she assumes that’s all she’ll get out of me. So, I grab her arm and pull her back. “The hell do you think you’re going?”
She grins and wraps her arms around my neck.
Two songs become three, then four and five. We’re sweaty and tired, and she’s had a shot or two too many when they do last call. She trips and damn near face plants into me on our way out the door.
I laugh, catching her. “You are trashed, holy shit.”
“I am not!” She shrugs me off and continues stumbling through the parking lot.
“Oh, you’re very much are,” JT teases.
“What the hell do you know?”
“I know a lot actually. Some might say I know more than these two idiots combined,” he says, pointing at Gabe and me.
We all crack up.
“What’s the deal with Katie? I thought you guys were better?” Gabe asks.
“We are, but she wasn’t feeling great.”
Nik shoots JT a look like she’s in on a secret the rest of us don’t know.
“What, she pregnant again?” Gabe says through a chuckle.
At JT’s silence, he stops abruptly. “Wait, no shit? Haven’t you ever heard of a fucking condom?”
I scoff and look away when Nik glares at me.
Like he has any room to talk. Maybe I should just throttle him.
“Yeah, asshole. We planned this one. Sorta. Not that it’s any of your fucking business.”
“Congratulations,” I say, patting him on the back.
“Thanks. I’m happy. I always wanted a family, and now that Scarlett’s almost a year old, we just felt like we were ready to add another one. We might be nuts, but I don’t know.” He shrugs.
It’s hard to watch Gabe with Scarlett because he’s really good with her. He’s definitely a better uncle to her than I am to Maggie, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely confident in Ash’s choice to keep Maggie a secret.
When I pull out my cigarettes, Nik snatches one and attempts to light it, swaying and holding one eye closed. She can’t quite get the lighter to meet up with the end of it.
“Give me that.” I take it from her, light it, and give it back. “Here.”
“Thank you.” She gives me a shit-eating grin.
“JT’s driving. We need to get your drunk ass home,” I mutter, taking her by the hand and guiding her toward the truck.
“Oh, let’s get food first. I’m starving!”