Chapter 8 Danny
AFTER SAXON DROPPED me off, I had to talk to someone about my first kiss, and my first orgasm with another person. Cason was home. He would be shockingly honest, and he wouldn’t spare my feelings or lie to me.
I found him in the kitchen making a smoothie. “Can I ask you something personal?”
He tossed a blueberry into his mouth. “Sure.”
“Have you ever slept with anyone?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Did you like it?”
“Yeah, I did.” He put the blender down and turned to me. “Did you sleep with someone?”
“No. I haven’t. Ever. But I did have my first kiss. Just now.”
“Oh wow.” He stepped toward me. “And how was it?”
“Good.” My cheeks heated. “Really good.”
He grinned. “That’s how it should be.” He went back to his food prep, grabbing strawberries and washing them. “Honestly, I thought you were ace.”
I grabbed one of the bananas before he could eat them all and sank into one of the kitchen chairs. I definitely needed to eat. I’d never mentioned thinking I was asexual to Cason. I’d only mentioned it to Haven. “You did? Why?”
He dumped milk into his smoothie and took a minute to blend it, not speaking while the blades ground his fruit. Once he was done, he faced me again. “Because you cringe when sex comes up. When any of us talk about hot Alphas, you wrinkle your nose. You never participate in talking about sex. And when Haven showed up that night, yelling about us getting a sugar daddy to keep from getting evicted, I thought you were going to puke all over the living room floor.”
“I was close.” I had been. Bile had burned my throat as I’d fought not to vomit. The idea that Haven was going to throw himself to the wolves to keep us from being evicted had turned my stomach. I smiled to myself. Haven had, in fact, thrown himself to a wolf. A wolf shifter. But thank God that had a happy ending.
“Yeah. I could tell,” Cason said, gulping down his smoothie. “I mean, all of us reacted strongly, but you seemed genuinely terrified. You know, there are tons of people who are asexual. There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“I know. And I believe that.”
“It could be a result of trauma. I know we don’t talk about it alot, but what happened back in Tennessee…” Cason came to sit down beside me. “Danny. What your parents did to you, it was child abuse. It was assault. It was fucking criminal, unlocking your door and letting that Alpha in during your heat. If they’d done that here, they’d be in prison.”
I said nothing. He was right. I knew it. But I still couldn’t talk about it. I put the banana down. My appetite was gone.
“If the world was a fair place, they’d be locked up. For the rest of their lives,” Cason said.
“But the world isn’t fair.”
“No. It’s not.”
“I told Saxon.”
“You told him what?” he asked.
“I told him about my parents. About how our town treated us.”
He blinked at me a few times then flung himself forward and squeezed me into a hug. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“Why?”
“Because you never talk about what happened.”
“Do you want me to? Do you need to talk about it?” Cason was no stranger to being a target. He had lived through that shit, just like we all had. When Haven had been snatched by that low-life in the grocery store, they’d kept me out of it. I’d waited at the front of the store while Baylor broke the guy’s arm. They’d protected me from seeing any of it.
Cason’s parents hadn’t been quite as forceful as mine and Haven’s, but they’d been bad, all the same. Cason’s parents had let him know with great regularity that he was expected to accept the marriage they’d arranged for him. Of course he’d run away, just like the rest of us.
“I’m sorry I’ve pushed you away,” I said. “All of you.”
“Don’t be sorry. It was horrible.” Cason squeezed my knee. “And none of us are ever going to get over that. I do think you should go to one of the campus therapists though.”
“I’m going to. I’m going to write it down on my to-do list and make an appointment.”
“Good,” He said. He tilted his head. “So why did you ask me if I’d slept with anyone? Are you curious about sex?”
“I don’t think I’m asexual anymore. Or I guess I never was.”
“Yeah?” He waited, just listening.
“It’s weird, because I never felt attraction. All those times you talked about an actor’s abs, I felt nothing. Or I felt gross. Or scared. But now…”
“You’re attracted to Alphas?”
“One certain Alpha.”
“Saxon.”
“Yes.”
“Okay, cool.” He tapped his finger on the table. “You could be demisexual. I’m not the best person to explain it, but it’s possible.”
I’d heard of being demisexual. But weren’t demisexual people supposed to have a strong emotional bond? Saxon and I barely knew each other. But we had been thrust into a highly charged situation together, one where our friends’ lives were in danger. Maybe that was enough to kickstart my demisexual feelings for him. I’d have to do some thinking about that. “Aren’t you going to congratulate me or something?” I asked Cason.
“Should I?”
“I think most people think I’m defective, because I haven’t been interested in dating.”
He took my shoulders and shook me just a bit. “There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date.”
“It’s the default.”
“But it shouldn’t be. We love you no matter what.”
“I know you guys do, but society doesn’t.”
“Screw society. They aren”t the ones living your life.” He got up and started banging around in the kitchen. “Besides, aren’t you going to be a literature professor, surrounded by books, wearing tweed jackets? You don”t need an Alpha for that.”
But I might want one.
Everything Cason said was right, but I was still reeling. My entire worldview was changing, along with everything I knew about myself.
He pointed at the banana and put a bowl of oatmeal in front of me. He dropped a spoon into the bowl. “First, eat. And while you’re doing that, tell me what happened with Saxon. After all this ruminating, I need some juicy deets to make up for this heart to heart.” He rubbed his hands together. “Come on, spill the tea.”
I groaned. “Oh my God. Please never talk like that again.”
“Oh, so you’re up to date on all the slang?”
I slapped at his shoulder. “Stop.” I heaved a big sigh. “I’ll tell you. It’s probably very tame, but it was a big deal to me.”
Cason mimed eating popcorn.
“Do you want me to tell you or not?”
He chuckled. “Okay, okay, I’m listening.”
“So he pulled me onto his lap. And he was hard. Very hard. I felt it. Within a half second, my stomach flipped over and started churning. Then my underwear got wet.”
“That’s never happened to you before?”
“Never. I have never felt one single ounce of attraction to another person, Alpha or otherwise, until that moment.”
“Maybe the demi part kicked in because you feel safe with Saxon, because he saved Haven, when he really had no reason to, other than being a decent person.”
“But he’s a Fae. Feeling safe with him makes no sense, if the stories are true.”
Cason raised an eyebrow.
“I know. I shouldn’t buy into stereotypes.”
“No, you should. But now that you’ve gotten to know him, you do feel safe. He’s an immensely powerful person, and he chose to save Haven and Gatlin. That’s pretty damn significant.”
“When did you get so smart?”
He shot me his cockiest grin. “Dude. I’ve always been this smart.”
My phone buzzed. The text read: how are you doing?
My stomach flipped, just seeing Saxon’s name on the screen. Wow. I had it bad.
“Is that him?” Cason asked.
“Yes.”
Cason clapped me on the back. “Go talk to your man.” He made a face. “Or Fae. Whatever he is.”
I got up. I was going to check on my cousin, then I’d go text Saxon.