Emery
This had been a huge mistake.
A massive, colossal mistake.
Everything about our arrangement had been fine before Noah told me that he’d never been married. Now, I was sitting next to him as he drove us back to the hotel with a giant cloud of guilt surrounding me.
How could I have been so brazen? Taking away his chance at finding true love and marrying for the right reasons? I lost Carson, yes, but I got to have him in the first place. I got to feel what true love was like. I got to experience all my firsts with him.
I was selfishly taking that away from Noah, and I had no one to blame but myself.
I was the problem. I was the reason Noah was in Harmony, line dancing at a bar while he looked equally confused and uncomfortable. He was doing all of this for me. He was forcing himself into a marriage, and we weren’t even in love.
I was a monster.
I blinked back the tears that were forming in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I’d cried so much since Carson’s death, and I was tired of feeling so weak. I was going to call off this entire arrangement. I was going to do the right thing.
Noah deserved to experience the kind of love that Carson and I had.
My phone buzzed. I fished it out of my purse and glanced down to see it was a text from Abigail.
Timothy is passed out. He can sleep here tonight, so don’t worry about coming to get him. Have FUN on your date.
I exhaled at the subtext. Only Abigail.
My reaction must have drawn Noah’s attention because, a moment later, he glanced over at me.
“Everything okay?” he asked. He had his wrist resting on the steering wheel. His posture was relaxed, but I could feel the tension between us. He’d picked up on my reaction and was reacting accordingly. He thought that I was upset with him.
“Abigail let me know that Timothy was asleep and that he can spend the night,” I said as I clicked the side button of my phone and the screen went dark. I was going to deal with the second half of Abigail’s text later.
I could feel Noah flick his gaze over to me, but by the time I glanced over at him, his focus was back on the road. There was so much being said in the silence between us. So many assumptions being made, but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to address them.
I didn’t want Noah to tell me that everything was going to be okay. I didn’t want him to insist that he could handle this fake marriage. That he didn’t need to experience true love. That I wasn’t taking his first marriage from him. Because I knew that was what he was going to say.
Abigail’s words were bouncing around in my head like a ping-pong ball. Have you noticed that Noah agrees with everything you say?
I knew the minute I called it quits on our arrangement, he was going to push back. And I couldn’t let him do that.
When we got to the hotel, Noah parked near the side door that led to the elevators closest to our rooms. We walked in silence. I fished out my keycard and pressed it to the keypad next to the outside door, and the locks disengaged.
Just as I pulled the door open, Noah caught the top of the door and held it so I could walk inside. This put him centimeters away, and I was suddenly transported back to the dance floor with his arm wrapped around my waist and his hand gently holding mine.
My heart quickened at that memory. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, that I’d forgotten everything prior to his admission. I’d felt so safe in his arms. So…comfortable. I hadn’t felt that way in a very long time.
Now with him standing this close, it made me sad that I wasn’t going to feel that way again.
Not after the conversation I knew we needed to have.
I was going to break off this ridiculous plan even if it meant losing my CEO position to the board.
I was going to bank on the fact that I still had six months to find someone to marry.
Maybe if I gave it my best shot, I could find someone adequate.
Noah followed after me as we walked down the hall to our rooms. I lingered outside of my door with my keycard in hand. I tapped it a few times against my open palm as I slowly turned to see him standing a few feet away like he was waiting for me to make the first move.
I slowly brought my gaze up to meet his. “I had a nice night,” I said.
His eyebrows knit together as he studied me. “Really?” he asked. The tone of his voice was a mixture of worry and relief.
I had been right in how I characterized my actions when I’d spoken to Abigail. I was a monster. This poor man. He had no idea what he’d agreed to when he first accepted my offer.
I held his gaze as I smiled. “I did.”
He studied me for a moment before he dropped his attention to the floor. He scrubbed his face with his hand before he pushed his fingers through his hair. “I was worried I’d said something wrong.” He paused. “The ring…I was going to get you a better one.”
I frowned. The ring? Then realization dawned on me.
He was worried that I didn’t like the ring he was going to give me?
My cheeks heated with embarrassment. Sure, it wasn’t a huge ring, but that didn’t matter.
It was a ring that surely meant something to him.
He should give it to someone who was actually worthy of something so sentimental.
He didn’t love me. I didn’t deserve to wear it.
“Oh, no, Noah.” My voice was a whisper now.
I stepped forward with my hand out. My fingers gently brushed his forearm and my gaze instantly dropped to our point of contact. Warmth shot up my arm from the sensation. My breath caught in my throat, startling me.
It took a moment for the fog in my brain to clear and for my mouth to catch up with the words I wanted to speak.
“That ring was beautiful.” I glanced up to see that he, too, was staring at my hand resting on his arm.
As if sensing my attention shift, he brought his gaze up to meet mine.
He looked confused. The confusion mirrored my own.
I hated that he seemed so conflicted and that I was contributing to that.
“I just…” I let my voice trail off and offered him a soft smile.
“You should save that and give it to the girl you want to have it.”
He frowned as he studied me. And then slowly he began to nod. “I see,” he said, his voice low.
I wanted to call off the wedding. I wanted to call off our fake marriage.
I wanted to free him from the jail cell I was about to lock him in for the next three years, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that.
My head had formed the words, but my mouth refused to work.
Fear of the consequences of breaking off our arrangement had me paralyzed.
I wanted freedom for him, but I was terrified of what that freedom would mean for me.
I wanted to process and prepare for any fallout that was headed my way. I needed just a few more hours—tomorrow would work. I’d call it a night and get a full eight hours of sleep before I put on my big-girl panties and faced the inevitable fallout that conversation would elicit.
I forced a yawn, hoping the movement would reboot my brain so I could actually speak. “I’m tired.” I offered him a soft smile. “I should go to bed.”
He studied me before he dropped his gaze and took a step back. “Of course.”
I pressed my keycard against the black scanner next to the frame. Once I heard the lock disengage, I pushed the handle down and opened the door. Just as I crossed the threshold into my room, Noah’s voice stopped me.
“Let me know if you need anything.”
I turned to see that he was now facing me. He’d brought his gaze back up to meet mine, and there was an earnest hint in his eyes. Like he needed me to know that he meant what he said.
“I’m just on the other side.” He nodded toward the door that connected our two rooms.
I glanced in the direction he’d gestured and then turned back. “Okay,” I said.
He studied me and then nodded before turning and heading to his door. I didn’t wait to see if he got inside. I let my door swing shut behind me, leaving me alone in my room.
I stared at the closed door and took in a deep breath.
I felt so confused. My mind was so muddled.
I had no idea what I thought about anything anymore.
I’d been so sure about my plan to marry Noah and the desire to make this fake marriage work.
But now, dragging him down the aisle and forcing him to dedicate his life to me felt unbearably selfish.
It felt wrong.
I kicked off Abigail’s cowboy boots and slipped out of her jeans and tank top. I pulled out my satin pajamas—a pair of shorts with lace trim and a coordinating top. I brushed my hair and let it fall to touch my shoulders. I was just about to take my makeup off when my phone rang.
It was Abigail.
I sat with my legs crisscrossed on my bed and answered.
“What is it?” I asked, panic filling my chest. “Is it Timothy?”
My greeting must have confused Abigail, because I was met with stuttering. “Um…what?…no.”
I took in a deep breath to calm my fight-or-flight response. Adrenaline was now pumping through my veins, and it was going to take a few minutes for me to return to baseline. “Oh, thank heavens,” I breathed out. Then I frowned. “Why are you calling me, then?”
“You never responded to my text.” Any shred of confusion was gone, and it was business as usual.
I frowned as I thought back to her last message. “You mean, have fun on your date?” I made sure to emphasize “fun” so my voice matched her use of all caps.
“Of course.” She paused. “I’m assuming that, since you’re talking to me, the fun is all over?”
I closed my eyes and dipped my head forward so it could rest on the palm of my right hand while my elbow was propped on my knee. “Abigail…” My voice drifted off as guilt once more coated my chest.
The memory of Noah’s words seemed to cut deeper now that I knew I was going to have to admit what I’d asked him to do.
“Oh my gosh, what happened?” The tone of Abigail’s voice now matched the panic in mine when I’d first answered.