Noah
I made a massive mistake.
A huge, colossal mistake.
I don’t know what the hell was doing the thinking, but it wasn’t my head. As soon as I saw Emery standing in the doorway in her satin pajama set with her hair cascading over her shoulders, her eyes wide and her gaze nervous, my sense of honor and respectability went out the window.
Add her asking me to kiss her, and I was a goner.
All I’d wanted to do since pulling her close on the dance floor was kiss her. And this was my chance.
I was an asshole.
I took advantage of a vulnerable woman, and now she was curled up in my arms with her warm body pressed to mine, sleeping.
After our make-out session, she asked if I would snuggle with her in my bed.
I couldn’t say no, so I climbed in and almost broke every gentlemanly rule as she tucked herself in next to me.
Her voice was soft and it had tortured me as she asked about my life. By the time we got to my teen years, her speech was slowing, and her body began to relax. I asked if she wanted me to help her to her room, and she shook her head.
“It’s too quiet over there without Timothy,” she whispered as she snuggled in closer.
Before I knew what was happening, she’d fallen asleep. In my arms. In my bed. With her head resting on my outstretched arm and her rear burning a hole in my thigh.
I was in heaven—if heaven meant being tortured by the woman I wanted but knew I could never have.
I blinked against the darkness around me. I hadn’t slept a wink since she’d drifted off. I silently prayed that sleep would come and release me from this glorious misery. I prayed for relief from my current feelings, but relief never came.
I was acutely aware of every point of contact between her body and mine.
I was attuned to her soft breathing, and every time she made a little whimper or sigh, it set off something primal inside of me.
My time with the SEALs had prepared me for every form of torture, but they forgot to include a scenario where I was stuck in bed holding a beautiful woman who was definitely off-limits.
Emery wiggled her hips against me, and I slammed my eyes shut. I willed every ounce of control to flood my muscles because I was moments away from turning on my side and yanking this woman to me. I wanted to hold her and protect her like I’d never wanted to hold or protect anyone else in my life.
She was becoming my person.
That thought disappointed me. She was not my person. She was never going to be anything more than a security job, because that was what she wanted. I was here because of Carson, and I was being selfish, indulging in the temptation I felt when I was around her.
A stronger man would stay away. A stronger man would say no.
“You’re an idiot,” I whispered as I slowly let out my breath. I was going to attempt relaxation techniques with the hope that, eventually, the tension would leave my body and I would finally fall asleep.
It must have eventually worked, because the next thing I knew, Emery was starting to stir, waking me up.
I slowly opened my eyes to see the ribbons of light making their way into the room through the cracks in the curtains.
It took a moment for my brain to register that it was morning and I’d just spent the night in bed with Emery…
with my arm wrapped around her waist and her back and butt pressed to my chest and hips.
My eyes flew open when I realized just how intimate our position was.
Not wanting to wake her, I slowly lifted my head so I could peer over to see if her eyes were open. If she was still asleep, I was going to do my best to extricate myself from this situation before she realized just how close we were.
I couldn’t see much—some of her hair had fallen across her face—but from how still she was and her deep breathing, I was going to assume that she was still asleep.
Ever so slowly, I began to lift my arm away from her stomach and off her side. I hesitated when I felt her wiggle. When she didn’t move again, I lifted my arm fully off and rested it on my side as I started to roll away.
Just stay asleep, I silently begged. I knew enough about Emery to anticipate how she was going to act when she woke up this morning.
Her eyes would be wide and her cheeks flushed as she stammered her apology.
She’d insist that coming in last night had been a mistake, and she would promise to keep things professional—like our list of rules dictated.
I would have to stand there, my heart silently breaking, as I agreed to her assessment of our situation.
I would have no other option but to hear her reasons even if they tore me down like no drill sergeant ever could.
I wanted her to want to wake up in my arms. I didn’t want her to classify last night as a mistake.
I wanted her to love me.
I was fully on my back when I felt Emery shift and tip her body toward me. I glanced over to see her meet my gaze from over her shoulder. She seemed confused.
“Noah?” she asked, her voice soft from sleep.
I just nodded as I hurried to push myself up to a sitting position against the headboard.
“What are you…?” Her voice trailed off as she glanced around the room.
When her gaze finally made it back to me, her eyes were wide with panic.
“Oh my gosh,” she whispered. “I fell…” Her voice trailed off as she sat up.
“I did not mean to fall asleep in your bed.” She glanced over at the clock on the nightstand, and she flung her hand up to cover her mouth.
“I slept in,” she whispered when she finally pulled her hand away.
“It’s okay,” I said. I’d drawn up my knees and rested my right forearm on them. I was uncomfortable, but I was determined not to let her know just how uncomfortable I was.
I doubted that she noticed anything. She was too busy climbing off the bed. Her pajamas had shifted, and I dropped my gaze to give her some privacy to adjust them. My body felt on fire from the unintentional glimpses she’d just given me, and I felt selfish for enjoying them.
She was embarrassed, and that was the last thing I wanted.
She began to comb her fingers through her hair as she stared hard at the area on the mattress that she’d just vacated.
I could tell that she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what to say.
Her gaze drifted over to the clock and then back down to the bed once more.
It was like she was trying to put together a puzzle, but wasn’t sure what it was supposed to look like.
I wanted to help ease her mind, but I didn’t know how.
“It’s okay,” I said again. I gave her a soft smile as she glanced up to meet my gaze.
“You were tired and fell asleep. Happens to all of us. It meant nothing and it changes nothing.” I needed her to know that I didn’t assume that sleeping in the same bed meant anything.
She was still my fake wife, and I was still her fake fiancé.
Her eyes widened as she studied me, and then she slowly began to nod. “Okay.” She froze and started to pat at her body like she was looking for something. “My phone?” she asked as she glanced over to the nightstand on the side of the bed she’d slept on.
“I don’t think you brought it in here,” I offered. I knew for a fact that she didn’t bring it in here. I’d touched her body a lot last night. I would have felt a phone through her thin pajamas if one had been there.
“Oh,” she said, and her cheeks reddened.
I wondered if she was having the same memory flash through her mind.
“I wonder if Abigail tried to get ahold of me.” She glanced over at our connecting doors.
She started to walk in their direction before she paused and turned to face me once more.
“Thank you for what you did last night.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?” I had a sinking suspicion what she was referring to, but I wanted to make sure.
She blinked. “The, um…” She cleared her throat.
“The kiss.” Her cheeks reddened. “When Abigail told me to come over and get it over with, I was nervous. But you were so welcoming and willing…” She paused.
“Basically, I wanted to say thank you for not laughing at me. I really appreciate you being willing to help me get over this funk I’ve been in since Carson...
” Her voice trailed off as her expression turned sad.
There was so much going on, and my brain was struggling to process it.
The last thing I ever wanted after sharing a mind-blowing kiss was for Emery to thank me for it.
Did she really not know how I felt about her?
How much I wanted her? Did she really think I was only fulfilling some sort of duty when I kissed her?
Putting all that aside, what the hell was Abigail playing at? Why did she suggest that Emery kiss me to help her get over her physical intimacy issues?
I stopped that train of thought. Abigail didn’t know how I felt about Emery. She was just trying to help her friend. If anything, I should be thanking her for telling Emery to come to me. The alternative to Emery kissing me was her kissing another man, and that…
That thought had me clenching my jaw and fisting my hand.
I was a mess. So many emotions were coursing through me, and my brain couldn’t focus on a single thought. Not wanting to say something I was going to regret, I just smiled and spoke a simple truth. “Of course. Happy to help. And I’m here if you need anything more.”
I meant every word. I’d promised the next three years of my life to this woman. I might as well promise my body to her as well. If she needed me to kiss her to help her move on—if she needed me to touch her—I would do it. I would put aside my asinine feelings for her and do what she asked.
She was all that mattered.
Her smile turned shy. “Well, I don’t anticipate needing another session anytime soon. I think I might be cured.” Her cheeks flushed once more as her eyes widened and she shook her head like she couldn’t believe she’d just said those words.