Emery #2
My cheeks were on fire. My head was swimming to the point that I needed to sit down or I was going to collapse.
I’d spent all of my time with Noah, scared of falling for another man.
I’d worried that, when the time came, I was going to be incapable of making an intimate connection.
I didn’t realize that I was already doing all of those things with him.
“Oh no,” I whispered as I cradled my forehead in my hands. My heart pounded fear through my veins. What was I going to do? How was I going to fake the next three years when I felt like this? “I’m the worst fake wife ever.”
“Shh, shh.” Abigail joined me on the bench. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and squeezed them. “You’re okay. You’re going to be fine.”
“Fine?” The word came out high-pitched and squeaky. “I’m not going to be fine. I’m…falling in love with my fake husband.” I closed my eyes. “I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re not an idiot. I’m just glad you figured it out.”
I pulled away so I could face her. “Figured it out?”
She met my gaze and nodded. “Yeah. I had my suspicious.” Her lips tipped up into a wicked smile.
I narrowed my eyes. “Was it obvious?”
She shrugged. “If you know how to read Emery, then yes.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Read Emery? I’m a language now?”
“Emery, it’s not an insult. You’re complicated, but when you take the time, you’re easy to figure out.”
I scoffed as I twisted back to center and hunched over my folded arms, which I’d tucked into my stomach. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I whispered. “I’ve been so careful. We wrote rules.” I turned to face Abigail and raised my eyebrows.
I don’t know what reaction I had been expecting, but her wide smile and the mischievous glint in her eyes weren’t at the top of my list.
I frowned. “What? Why is your face like that?”
She attempted a deadpan expression but failed. “Why is my face like what?”
“Happy. You look so…happy.” I raised my hand and moved it in a circle in front of her.
She reached up and pressed her fingertips into her cheeks. “I’m not happy.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Yes, you are.”
As soon as she stopped fighting her smile, it returned with a vengeance. “You’re right, I’m happy. I’m sorry.”
I glared at her. This was not what I needed right now. I had a real problem, and her enthusiasm for my current situation was not helping. Especially when I was certain Noah did not feel the same for me.
“You should be sorry,” I said as I sighed and tipped my head back to lessen the tension in my neck. “This is a disaster. It’s not something to celebrate.” I stared up at the ceiling. “I’m in trouble.”
“You’re thinking about this all wrong.” Her arm brushed mine. When I glanced over, I saw her sit down on the bench next to me. “What if you guys just make it real? Would that be so bad?”
My heart fluttered at that thought. Would it be bad? My gut, my heart, and my head all said no. If Noah wanted to be with me, then I wanted to be with him. I wanted to see where this marriage could go…for real.
But I didn’t want him to feel trapped. What if this wasn’t what he wanted? What if I was just a means to an end? What if he had every intention of walking away in three years?
“Yes,” I whispered, my heart breaking at the word.
Abigail’s eyebrows were knit together. She didn’t believe me nor agree with me. “What? Why?”
I turned my attention to the floor at my feet.
“What if he doesn’t want this? What if I ask him, and he only says yes because he won’t tell me no?
” I glanced over at her. “You said so yourself. Noah doesn’t say no to me.
I don’t want this to be another situation where he says yes but doesn’t mean it.
I don’t know if I could survive that.” My voice broke at the last few words.
“I don’t think Noah will say no. And I don’t think he would say yes just to appease you.” She turned to face me. She pushed on my shoulder, indicating she wanted me to do the same. We were both facing each other now as we straddled the bench. “Noah likes you.”
I frowned before I parted my lips to qualify that statement.
“No, he like likes you.” She beat me to a response before I could even get out the first word. “Do you understand what that means?” She raised her eyebrows.
I glared at her. “Of course I understand what that means.” I took in a deep breath. “Did he tell you that?”
She paused. “Well…not in so many words.”
I parted my lips.
“He didn’t have to say anything. I can tell. He has it bad.”
I studied her before I shook my head. “I’m not sure I can take that chance. I will always wonder if he just agreed to be with me because he didn’t want to hurt me. I’m…broken.” The last word came out a whisper.
“Emery.” Abigail leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me. “You’re not broken.”
Tears brimmed my eyelids. I wanted to believe her.
I wanted to be whole, but I wasn’t. I was broken.
Shattered. And it was going to take a lot more than a fake marriage to fix me.
If Noah had any sense, he would run in the opposite direction.
Life with someone else would be infinitely easier than trying to navigate my healing.
“That’s not true, but I’m thankful for your optimism.” I blotted under my eyes as I tipped my face upwards with the hope my tears would dry up before they ruined my makeup.
I still had dresses to try on and a day to spend with Noah and Timothy.
The last thing I needed was for Noah to ask me what was wrong or for Timothy to feel like something was different.
I wanted nothing more than to give my son the world.
Being a stable, put-together mother was the first step in making that a reality.
“So what are you going to do?”
I glanced up at Abigail. Her gleeful smile was gone, and she looked genuinely concerned, which somehow made me feel infinitely worse.
Her concern was a reminder that I was going to have to do something with my revelation.
I would either have to act on these new-found feelings or bottle them up and pretend they didn’t exist.
I was a terrible actress, and I feared that the moment I was alone with Noah, my confession would come tumbling out. We would then either end up in a relationship that Noah didn’t want, or he would get cold feet and run.
That’s what happened with everyone in my life who I cared about. At some point, they left, and I would be alone once more.
“I don’t know,” I said, my voice breathless with fear.
My emotions were clinging to my chest, my throat, and my head, making it impossible for me to think or speak. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide. I was in an impossible situation, and I feared that I was going to make the wrong choice and forever affect everyone I cared about.
It was too much pressure to think about right now.
“Maybe, I’ll try on some dresses?” I said as I turned my focus to the gowns that surrounded us. When I glanced back at Abigail, I could read her expression like a book. She was asking me if I was sure, so I slowly nodded. “I think trying on dresses will help.”
She held my gaze and then smiled. “Okay. Let’s try on some dresses.”
I was in the middle of my second try-on for the dress that stole my heart when Bash, Noah, and Timothy came walking into the shop.
I was standing on the pedestal in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors.
I’d fallen in love with a full satin dress with off-the-shoulder sleeves and an empire waist. Nancy had pulled my hair back with a claw clip and tucked a veil at the top.
As soon as all three were standing behind me, I glanced up and caught Noah’s gaze first. Butterflies took flight in my stomach as I took in his dark gaze. It was locked on my reflection.
“Doesn’t she look beautiful?” Abigail asked as she stepped up to join the guys. Her hand found Bash’s, and he glanced down at her. I could see Abigail’s expectant expression even from where I was standing as she flicked her gaze from Bash to Noah and then back to Bash.