24. Emery
EMERY
It was surreal to wake up the next morning, wrapped in Noah’s arms. I was on my left side, with my back pressed up against his chest. We were currently spooning.
Considering my position now from when I fell asleep, I must have shifted in the night.
My stomach lightened at the fact that he’d moved to pull me close and I reveled in the possessive way his arm wrapped around my stomach.
It was like I was his and he didn’t want to let me go.
I sighed and closed my eyes, snuggling deeper in the pillow. I knew I should probably get up and get the day started, but I wanted to linger in this moment for a little bit longer.
So much had changed in such a short amount of time and my mind reeled from the events.
I kissed Noah last night.
Kissed him kissed him.
And he kissed me back. Firm and confident like he wanted to kiss me as well.
Did that mean we were…together? What did that mean for our marriage? Is it still considered fake?
Dread settled in my stomach the more I analyzed our situation. We had just started to get to know each other. What if things didn’t work out?
He said he was here to help me no matter what I decided, but it was easy to say those words when there were positive feelings. What if I inadvertently hurt him and he became bitter and resentful?
Charles had been clear, we needed to be married married for three years. I doubted he would take too kindly to our breakup. The last thing I could handle was losing the man that I had gained feelings for while at the same time, losing my position in the business that had meant so much to Carson.
I felt myself tighten around my stomach as fear crept past my happiness and rooted itself in my mind. I wanted to leap into the unknown with Noah. I wanted to be brave and move on from how broken I’d been since Carson passed away.
I wanted nothing more than to feel alive again.
But I equally wanted there to be less pressure. Less pressure to get married. Less pressure to make the marriage last. Less pressure to decide if this relationship could even go somewhere.
I’d spent the last five years telling myself that I would never fall in love again.
That what I had with Carson was special and I could never replicate again.
Things with Noah were so new and I was being forced into deciding if there was any longevity in our relationship before we’d even put a label on who we were to each other.
My chest squeezed.
This was too much.
I heard Noah inhale and his arm tighten around my waist as he pulled me closer. He nuzzled the back of my head before placing a soft kiss into my hair.
“Morning,” he mumbled.
The sound of his raspy voice mixed with the hard plains of his chest sent shivers across my skin. My mind may be a jumbled mess when it came to Noah, but my body knew how to respond to a man. And Noah was the perfect specimen of the male form.
I shoved my thoughts and doubts to dark corners of my mind for me to process later. Right now, I was going to enjoy the fact that I not only got another solid night of sleep, but the first man that I had feelings for after Carson had feelings for me.
Carson wanted me to move on and find love. This was the first step in accomplishing that request.
“Morning,” I said. I leaned into him, but kept my face forward. The last thing I wanted to do was send any morning breath his direction. Sure, we were both human, but a little mystery never hurt anyone.
“Did you sleep well?”
I nodded before I responded, “Yes.”
His arm tightened once more. “Good.”
“You?”
He growled and nodded, his forehead bumping my head in the process. “Amazing.”
“Good.”
Silence surrounded us. For a moment, I wondered if he’d fallen asleep. I twisted in an effort to look at him from over my shoulder. But from how he was holding me, I was pinned to the mattress and it was going to take some serious effort to uncage myself.
“Noah?” I whispered. Even though I knew we should be getting up and getting ready for the day, the last thing I wanted was to startle him from his slumber.
“Mmhm.” He buried his face into my hair once more. I felt him take in a deep breath. It sent shivers across my skin once more.
“We should probably get up,” I said, as I started to wiggle. Maybe he needed a physical push and not just a verbal one.
He tightened his arm once more as a low growl reverberated in his chest. I sighed, secretly loving his resistance to us getting out of bed. But we needed to put some distance between us. I needed time to think and I couldn’t do that when I was wrapped in his embrace.
Plus, I had a feeling Timothy was already up and causing havoc at Abigail’s. I was ready to put my mom hat back on and focus on anything but Noah and my feelings for him.
“Come on,” I said as I patted his arm and then began to lift it off my body.
He groaned, but didn’t fight me. Instead he flipped to his back, draping his arm over his eyes.
Now that I was free, I pulled off the covers and sat with my feet dangling off the bed. I took a moment to suck in a deep breath before placing my feet onto the floor and standing.
I wasn’t sure if it was because I was used to sleeping alone or in the last two nights, I’d gotten more sleep than normal, but I was stiff.
Once I was standing, I stretched my arms over my head and then moved to press my hands into my lower back while arching my spine.
After cracking my neck on both sides, I turned and my cheeks warmed when I realized that Noah had been watching me.
“Feel better?” he asked.
I was never going to get used to the appraising smile he gave me or the way his gaze darkened as he studied me. I loved that this man desired me and how bold he was with showing me.
“Yes,” I said as I returned his smile. As much as I wanted to bask in my feeling for this man, I needed to be productive. “I’m going to go get dressed.” I flicked my gaze to the clock. 7:15 “We should plan on leaving here by 7:45 so we can meet up with Timothy for breakfast.”
Noah pushed himself into a seated position. He yawned as he nodded. “I can do that.”
“Okay.”
I didn’t want to leave his room. I feared that when I walked away, the bubble of happiness we were in would pop and reality would fall in around me. It was easy to play pretend when you were entrenched in the fairytale. Could we keep this up outside of these four walls?
I was spiraling again. My best course of action was to stop thinking and act. Go to my room. Take a shower. Get dressed. That was all I needed to focus on.
I didn’t turn around for one last look as I marched to the adjoining door and slipped into my room. I sent a quick text to Abigail to see if Timothy was up and what the plans were for breakfast. She sent a GIF of the Tasmanian Devil running around. Then she suggested the diner and we set a time.
Once I got into the shower and under the hot water, I decided it was best to just stop thinking. Obsessing about what I was going to do, how Noah felt, or what this meant for our fake relationship wasn’t going to help me sort out my feelings.
All it did was leave me feeling exhausted while fighting off the desire to run.
Neither of those things were conducive for a CEO trying to keep her spot in her business or a busy mom who was about to be reunited with her energetic son.
I barely had enough energy for my own life before Noah and the last thing I needed was for our situation to take more than I could give.
Noah was showered, dressed, and sitting on the end of his bed when I finally slipped on my flats and made my way into his room. It was nice that we felt comfortable enough to leave the door open so I didn’t have to go out into the hallway and knock.
As soon as I entered, he lifted his gaze. His half smile emerged which sent my heart racing. I couldn’t stop myself from returning his smile. As complicated as our life was, I was still just a girl and he was just a boy. In any other lifetime, being together would be as easy as breathing.
“Ready?” I asked as I stepped further into his room, pulling the strap of my purse higher onto my shoulder. “We’re meeting Abigail, Bash, and Timothy at the diner for breakfast.”
Noah nodded as he stood and slipped his phone into his back pocket. “Sounds good to me.”
It was hard to ignore how close he stopped when he walked up to me. It was definitely closer than a bodyguard or fake husband would stand. The warmth of his body washed over me and I fought the urge to close my eyes and lean in.
I hadn’t realized how much I had missed physical touch. How starved I’d been from the closeness that came from being in a relationship. I’d tried to convince myself that I would be fine with just the memory of Carson. But that had been a lie that I told myself to survive.
Now that I’d let feelings and touch back into my life, I feared I was never going to be able to go back. Noah had awakened something inside of me that I’d buried a long time ago and what would happen to me if he walked away scared me.
But in the same breath, the last thing I wanted was for him to feel trapped. I wanted him to have the ability to leave if true love presented itself. Noah had never asked to be Carson’s best friend, my bodyguard, or my fake husband. He was innocent in all of this. I was the one who needed him.
“You ready?” he asked, his smile genuine as he looked down at me.
I chewed my bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah,” I whispered, grateful that he couldn’t read my mind or feel the emotional turmoil raging inside of me.
My feelings were for me to work out. I didn’t want to dump them on him.
He nodded and stepped around me as he headed for the exit. He pressed down on the handle and then held the door open with his foot as he nodded toward the hallway.
“After you,” he said.
I gathered my courage and walked through. I lingered a few feet away from the door as I waited for him to join me. The only sound in the hallway came from the door shutting and the latch engaging. Noah stepped up and grinned down at me once more.