Chapter 41 - Cat
Cat
Yesterday was epic, and we should totally do it again soon! Like next weekend?
Oh, we can totally do a pool party. Celeste can grill.
So fucking sexy!
08:05 a.m. – The Sixers - Isa
What can we bring?
08:06 a.m. – The Sixers - Mary
So, we’re doing this?
08:09 a.m. – The Sixers - Celeste
[Reply to Riley] I have to work, babe.
I shake my head. The girls haven’t been quiet since yesterday except for a four-hour window when most of us finally caught up on some sleep. I type out a quick response that I’m on call before slipping the phone into my pocket and stepping out of my office.
Within two steps, Honda slides up next to me.
His posture is still rigid, but he has softened significantly over the past few days.
We are not what we used to be, and that is okay.
I can’t expect him to change his viewpoints for a dynamic he is not even part of.
I can expect him to be a decent and fair human being, though, and right now he is.
“Are you ready for rotations?”
“Might as well get it over with.”
“Hm,” he hums. “I hate how they always come at exactly the wrong time.”
“Just got your puppies to do what you want, huh?”
He scoffs, but there is a smile tugging on his lips. We’ll be okay. Eventually.
“Hola y buenos días.”
Carmen slides up to my other side with a big smile on her face, her skin dark from the sun. She hands me the schedule, and I glance quickly at it.
“They are in the bay.”
“We really need a better place for this.”
“We could take them to the staff room,” she says with a shrug, and Honda and I both look at her. “Yeah, yeah, I heard it as soon as I said it,” she murmurs as she waves us off.
We walk through the doors toward a small group. I look at the roster again. Five residents, three fellows, and one attending. I silently curse how this day will absolutely get away from me.
“Good morning, everyone,” I say in a loud, crisp tone while glancing over the names of the senior staff they will meet with first. “Welcome to the trauma bay. Most of you will be here for one month, so let’s make it count.”
I lift my head to see all the faces turned to me. My stomach leaps when I am met with hazel-green eyes that pierce right through my soul, and even though my feet keep moving, my breath hitches.
“Joder,” Carmen mutters under her breath, somehow making me feel a little better.
“My name is Doctor Catherine Durand. I am Head of Trauma.” I drone on, speaking on autopilot, but my pulse is racing. “These are Doctor James Honda, second-in-command, and Head Nurse Carmen Rodrigues.”
I glance in her direction and see the same struggle to keep a straight face that must be apparent on mine. I silently curse myself.
“You will all be assigned a senior staff member, but if at any point you have questions about your rotation, tasks, or any ethical dilemmas, you can address Doctor Honda or me. Is that clear?”
The group nods. Everyone except for her. Her lips just curve up into a sly, lopsided grin, and I already hate her for it. It tugs at my core, and my body responds instantly to the way she drags her gaze over me.
“Good.” I power on. “Then let’s go over the names. Lilly Shaker?”
“Yes,” a plump blonde answers, and I nod.
“James Jones?”
“Yes, ma’am,” a broad-shouldered dark guy replies, his lips pulled into a cocky grin.
“You might have a rock-star name, James, but you will not have a matching attitude in my bay,” I say sharply, and I pin him down with my gaze.
“Yes, sorry, Doctor,” he relents as his grin falters.
“Alexandra Wu?”
She doesn’t say a single word, just those lips ticking up a little further.
I know she is testing me, my boundaries, and my assertiveness.
She always had a way of spiking my nervous system, and even after all these years, I feel the anxiety flood my system.
But I don’t say another word. My eyes remain on hers, much steadier than I feel on the inside, until she yields.
“It’s good to see you again, too, Cat.”
Carmen inhales sharply next to me, and I can feel her vibrating with anger. Much to my surprise, she remains just as quiet as me, though, making me proud.
The muscle in my jaw rolls, but I don’t respond. I just move on to the next person on the list.
“Savannah O’Neill?”
“Mister Abbott, a word,” I say sharply as I corner Daniel in the hallway.
He quirks an eyebrow but looks at me with an amused smile.
“Doctor Durand, how lovely to see you. How is Mary?”
Fucker.
“Why was I not consulted on the recruitment of Doctor Wu?”
“Straight to the point, hm? I always liked that about you.”
I blink. He likes something about me, other than my connection to Mary?
I press my lips together and frown, meeting his eyes.
They are sparkling with something akin to mischief, and he takes his time to make sure I see it.
Then he nods once, as if satisfied with the result. Does he… want me to like him?
“You were informed,” he states calmly and then moves past me.
I stay frozen to the spot, staring blankly out the full-length window in front of me. I was informed? ?Joder! It must have been decided during the ethics investigation. Of course he didn’t consult me. Recruitment must have CC’d me on a notification that I missed. I can’t believe this is happening.
“?Qué vas a hacer, Katherina?” I murmur softly to myself. What am I going to do?
I somehow make my way back to my office, listening to the clicking of my heels.
The rhythmic sound usually gives me a sense of strength, of empowerment, but today, it is the only thing grounding me.
My heart is slamming against my ribs as if I drank five cups of coffee too many, and my palms are sweaty. What am I going to do?
I’ve only just closed the door when it flies open again, and Carmen storms inside without any regard for privacy or professionalism. She slams it shut behind her, and I wince at the loud sound.
“Katherina, what the actual fuck is happening?” she pants, her face contorted in a deep frown. “What the fuck is that puta doing here?”
“Carmen—”
“Ay, que no, Cat. Don’t Carmen me. Did you know she was coming?”
“Do I fucking look like I knew?”
Her expression softens, and she takes a deep breath. Her hands tremble at her sides, but she slowly uncurls her fingers now.
“Now what?”
“I… I don’t know,” I stammer, and her expression turns worried.
It doesn’t happen often that I don’t know what to do, but apparently, being suddenly confronted by my cruel ex-girlfriend in the workplace does the trick.
“Will you tell Mary?”
I blink up at her. Mary, fuck. She doesn’t know much about Alex.
Only that we dated in med school and that she broke my heart.
She doesn’t know how she would love me, praise me, and worship me when I was successful, but tear me down, ice me out, and ignore me for days on end whenever I made a mistake.
How she made me want to be the best version of myself for all the wrong reasons.
Mary wouldn’t understand how I craved her approval and feared her judgment.
She wouldn’t understand because she is nothing like that…
and that alone creates a sense of peace that Alex never gave me.
“Kitty Cat?” Carmen asks more softly now, her hand coming to my shoulder. “Will you?”
“I… don’t know,” I answer quietly.
A part of me wants to protect her from the worry that would come with it.
She would get in her head about it. At first, because she wouldn’t want Alex to get her claws into me and hurt me again, but then she would ask herself if that’s what I want.
She would come up with scenarios where I’d leave her to be with Alex again, and I can’t put her through that. But I can’t lie to her either.
“Well, you better figure it out, Cat.”
Carmen’s jaw ticks as she turns on her heel and marches out before I can even respond. The fire in her eyes is one I’ve never seen before, and for the first time in my life, I feel that she has sided with somebody else, with Mary, over me.
“It’s not like—” I try, but she is already gone.
I sink back into the chair and pinch the bridge of my nose.
She isn’t wrong. I do have to figure this out.
Mary is my partner, my other half, and I’ve chosen her with my whole being.
I can’t risk losing her over a woman who was once in my life.
I’ve learned my lessons from Alex a long time ago.
I am a professional. I can deal with this.
“?Joder!” I growl as I slam the side of my fist against the table.
“Wrong time?”
My head snaps up toward the door. Those hazel-green eyes sparkle as she takes me in, with that same frustrating grin taunting me. What is she doing here? She’s supposed to be doing her first rounds.
“Alex,” I say, my voice clipped and almost neutral.
“Hi, Catherine,” she purrs before slinking into my office.
No! I don’t want her here. Not now, not before I’ve figured out what to do with this. Why is she even here? What does she want?
“It is really good seeing you again.”
I press my molars harder against each other. That feeling isn’t mutual, so why is my breathing so shallow?
“Head of Trauma, huh?” she smiles, as she sinks into the chair in front of me. “I always knew you would go far. I am proud of you.”
My chest constricts, and I hold my breath. She looks at me, warm and inviting. I almost lean into the compliment. Almost.
“Too bad you haven’t put any more effort into the center you planned to build. I can’t say it surprises me, though. You always tend to bite off more than you can chew,” she coos like I am some sort of child. “But it’s nice to see you ended up in a good position.”
There it is. Barbed wire dressed in velvet, slowly being dragged along my ego, masking the cuts with soft strokes as if they never bled at all. I don’t clench my jaw, I don’t lift my chin, I don’t even roll my shoulders back. All I do is stare at her from behind what Mary calls my mask.
“Did you need anything, Doctor Wu?” I ask after a beat of silence, and her eyebrow arches briefly.
“Just wanted to say hello,” she smirks, but her hands slide into her pockets now.
“And so you did. Now, if you will excuse me.”
I turn to my computer, turn the screen on, and log into my account without looking up at her again. She shuffles for a moment and then huffs.
“I should have known you weren’t mature enough for this.”
The door closes softly behind her. She isn’t one to make a lot of noise. Alex doesn’t scream, curse, or throw things. She moves quietly and untraceably, like odorless gas. Toxic if you stay inside it for too long.
I exhale when I am alone. My breath comes out shaky, and my fingers tremble. At least I didn’t give her a response. Didn’t you?
I fish out my phone and text Mary.
06:18 p.m. – Katherina
Home in an hour. Have to wrap up charts. Long day.
Can we talk when I’m home?
I stare at my screen, delete the last sentence, and press send.