Chapter 42 - Mary
Mary
My body jitters as if I drank five cups of espresso in the span of as many minutes. Cat chuckles softly beside me and slides her hand over mine. She moves her thumb in small circles to ground me, and I try my best to focus on the feel of her skin against mine.
“You’ll do fantastic, querida,” she murmurs close to my ear.
The smell of jasmine and her warm skin wrap around me like a comfort blanket. I allow my eyes to drift closed for a moment and bask in it. My heart rate goes down, and my breathing deepens. By the time I open my eyes again, the jitters have stopped, and only the nerves remain.
“Better?”
“Mm-hmm,” I hum and rest my head against her shoulder.
She kisses the top of my head and hums softly too.
The sound is everything. She has been tense for days, but every time I ask about it, she changes the subject.
It wasn’t until yesterday that I found out it was work-related, and I panicked completely, thinking that it was another ethics hearing.
She assured me that it wasn’t, but that harrowing look did not leave her eyes.
“You okay, baby?” I ask again, my voice small.
She nods and squeezes my hand before she nods toward the stage. My heart leaps into my throat when Venetia steps toward the mic. The people in the store instantly go quiet, except for a few conspiratorial whispers.
I couldn’t believe it when Tessa told me they had sold out the house, but when we arrived, the line had been just as long as it was for Devina. I’m not totally sure why, but I’m positive it had to do with some marketing trick the publisher came up with.
“There is a reason we serve coffee in this store,” Ven starts, and Tessa raises her cup knowingly, making some regulars laugh.
“You see, when books and caffeine come together, magic tends to happen. Often in the form of a bouncing neurospicy bookworm working their way through a three-part fantasy series, but every now and then, something new sprouts.”
I bounce from one foot to the other, my throat suddenly dry. My teeth get hold of a little piece of skin on my lip, and I start tugging at it. Cat’s thumb brushes over it before I can draw blood, making me let go. She smiles and gently shakes her head.
“That’s why we were lucky enough to see the birth of Mary’s upcoming novel, Child of Snow, the struggle through the first draft, the pleasure of the editing…”
A few people in the audience snicker—the aspiring authors.
“…and then the moment when it got picked up by a publisher only a month ago.”
Now there are some soft whispers and glances toward Cat and me. I shuffle again, gripping her tighter, as I swallow hard and try to keep the blush down.
“They were so impressed by the quality of the manuscript that they decided to release it for their fall catalog. And for those who don’t know… that’s like moving at five hundred miles a minute in the publishing world.”
There are a few chuckles and some more stolen glances. My stomach twists. This was a bad idea. The book isn’t even out yet. These people don’t know me, and they probably haven’t even read my work. Nope. No. I need to go. This is stupid, so st—
“I’d like to welcome Mary to the stage so that she can read a little bit of her newest adventure to us. Afterward, there will be room for a quick Q&A before you can join us in the café.”
Cat gives my hand one final squeeze before she gently nudges me forward.
My feet move before my brain can catch up, and all eyes are on me before I can make an actual run for it.
There is some polite applause when Ven gestures to me and steps off the stage.
My legs shake, my pulse flutters, and my palms feel sweaty, but I walk toward the microphone regardless.
I look around the room at all those expectant faces, and take in a deep breath.
I was them once, wishing to stand here. Now I am. So don’t back out.
“Hi, everyone,” I quip, my voice coming out a little high. “This is my first time doing this, and um… I feel really nervous, like throw-up-level nervous,” I blab without even knowing why, but some people chuckle. “So, please cut me some slack.”
The number of heads that bob up and down with encouraging smiles is heartwarming, and the trembling slowly starts to fade.
“Okay, so… I want to read a passage from my upcoming book that means a lot to me. The story is about a young warrior who is accepted into a tribe that is not her own, but somehow becomes the heart of it.”
I pause and glance over at Cat. She is beaming at me, and for the first time this week, I see a genuine smile on her lips.
The sight fills me with warmth while a grin creeps up my face.
The way she can look at me from across the room and make me want to kiss her… People are waiting, Mary. Oh, right.
“When the queen falls away, people start looking at the main character for guidance, but she is too young to know all the ways of life. That’s why she seeks the advice of three elderly, wise women and slowly builds a friendship with them, which, in time will also come at a price.”
I flip open the book. It’s not the official print yet, just a proof copy my agent gave me for these readings, but it feels amazing in my hands. The page is marked with a little sticky note, and my eyes find the first sentence with ease. The room is completely silent when I start.
“Tara had gone first, her body yielding to the demands that come with age. She awaited death on a warm summer night, and followed willingly. They found her with a smile on her lips and her hands clutching at her chest.
While she parted from the world in peace, Paidi and the elders stayed behind in ruin.
The emptiness Tara had left behind was vast and almost all-consuming, so they clung to each other in a desperate attempt to celebrate her life instead of mourning her loss.
But the seeds of pain take deep root, and when they grow, they absorb all light.
That is why Kou followed so quickly, leaving only Deo behind. ”
The silence is almost deafening when I read the last sentence twenty minutes later, and for a beat, my stomach drops.
Then the first person starts clapping, and it isn’t Cat.
It isn’t Ven or Tessa either. It’s a young boy, dressed in all black ,with his hair falling sleekly over his eyes.
He can’t be older than nineteen, but his eyes stare right into my soul.
His hands come together while his nostrils flare, and I can just see how my words affected him, touching him on a level deeper than understanding. He felt it.
Even when others join him in the applause, my eyes stay on him for an extra beat. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t grin. He only holds my gaze, but somehow, that’s enough.
Red blooms across my chest, and when I finally look shyly at Cat, she grins and nods.
Yes, she saw it too. I want to run into her arms and bury my face in her neck, but Ven is already setting up for the Q&A.
I barely get time to blink before she gestures to a folding chair and hands me a bottle of water.
“Mary, I think I speak for all of us when I say wow. I mean, that was truly amazing.”
I blush again and let out a soft laugh while I cast my eyes down and swing my legs back and forth.
“Can you tell us where this story started for you?” Ven’s voice pulls me back with a grounding, raspy sound.
“Besides here in the café, you mean?” I quip before I can stop myself, and she lets out a warm laugh.
“Touché. Yes, besides that.”
“Well, it is an homage to the women who taught me how to tell stories. Tara, Kou, and Deo were real people who had a big influence on my life.”
“What influence is that?”
“Well, they came into my life when I was barely nineteen, and just like any other person at that age,” I glance at the goth boy, “I was trying to navigate the world. They guided me. Not just by giving me advice on my writing or feedback on my work, but by helping me with the things that actually mattered.”
I smile fondly as I think back to all the conversations I had with them.
Tara was the one to open my soul. She taught me that just because other people perceive the world as dark and depressing, that doesn’t have to be my life’s story.
Through her, I learned to embrace my own happiness and take enjoyment in the smallest things.
Through healing, through speaking gently to myself, through forgiveness. She was wholesome.
Kou was the night to Tara’s day. Rowdy, playful, and bursting with energy.
She was a proud woman who always put love first. Maybe she gave more than she received, but she would be the last to keep score.
She showed me how to embrace my sexuality.
Not just accept that I am a lesbian, but also own my feelings of lust and intensity.
She was the first to notice I’m not made for shallow connections, and she taught me not to shy away from that but to run toward it.
She said it would lead to my happiness, and I know she would be proud of who I am today.
Deo, she ruled us all. A queen not just in title, but in every sense of the word.
If it wasn’t for her, I might have ducked my head a lot more often.
Instead, I know when to lift my chin, roll back my shoulders, and make my presence count.
Or my absence. After all, some fights are won by avoiding them altogether.
“You speak about them with great love,” Ven interrupts my thought, and I nod with a laugh.
“Oh, yes, they changed my life.”
“I think you paid them a gorgeous homage in Child of Snow. It’s almost poetic. Was this your favorite scene?”
“It’s one of them, yes.”
“Oh, so there are more?”
I let out a huffed laugh and nod.
“Of course. There are the scenes where she has to flee, her first hunt, and the fight with the manticore…”
“Oh my God.” Ven gasps. “That scene was amazing. Was that the first one that came to you?”
I shake my head, and settle in a little more. This is my territory, this is where I am at home.
“No. I work very chronologically, so the opening scene was also the first to come into my mind. But I’ve known Paidi’s story for a long time.”
“Oh, do you want to tell us more?”
My smile turns even wider because I do. I really do.