26. Hendrix #2
“You’re not listening to me,” she whispers and steps into my chest, lifting her hand to my face.
“You weren’t listening then either. You wanted to fix it by taking away the one thing I’d worked my whole life for.
The thing I’d spent nine months fighting to get back to.
The only thing I’d ever loved almost as much as you.
You thought I should give up soccer and come play the part of the happy wife so we could try again.
You thought that would fix everything. But it wouldn’t have.
I would have resented you because you were still getting to live your dream, but when you asked me to marry you, the picture you painted was of me giving up mine. ”
Her fingers run along my temples as she licks the tears from her lips.
“I said no because as much as I wanted to marry you, I wanted us both to be able to live our dreams. As much as I loved you, I wasn’t willing to give up me for you.
” She lifts up onto her toes and kisses my cheek.
“I said no, and you married someone else.”
“I still love you, Serena,” I tell her, bending my knees, bringing us face-to-face. “I will always love you. Only you.”
“I love you too, Hendrix. But I still need some space.” She takes a step back, then another. “Please, let me have it.”
And as she walks out of my room, I’m fucking gutted, thinking I just let her walk away, again.
With the box of Britt’s letters under my arm, I walk into the dining room, where Mel sits with a cup of coffee in front of her and a box of tissues in her hands.
She lifts her head and lets out a shaky breath.
“I didn’t know . . . I guess I should have.
The things she said—the way she talked about you .
. .” She shakes her head. “I didn’t know. ”
“I’m sorry you had to hear all that,” I tell her and take the seat next to hers, dropping the box to the table.
“But you’ve got to know Serena is never taking Britt’s place, Mel, because it was always Serena’s.
And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry to say it.
” I cover her hand with mine, and tears run in rivers down her cheeks.
“I loved Brittany. She was my best friend. I married her because she needed me, and I would have done anything for her. I never lied to her. She always knew where we stood, and I swear to God she was okay with that because she loved me like a best friend too. That’s what we were to each other.
That’s all we ever were to each other. And it was enough. ”
“I’m sorry, Hendrix.” She covers our joined hands with her other one, tapping her fingers against me.
“I shouldn’t have said what I said. I was just so shocked, and my first thought was how wonderful it would have been if that was my Brittany walking down the stairs, maybe holding Bodhi in her arms. And then it hit me again, like it does every single day when I wake up.
Britt will never have that. She’ll never get to watch him grow.
She’ll never get to be this beautiful, happy woman surrounded by her family again.
And in that moment, I hated anyone who wasn’t her.
” She looks down at our hands. “Or maybe I hated the woman who looked like she was getting to live the life I wish Britt could have.”
“She left notes,” I tell her and push the box forward, opening it and fishing through until I find the one labeled Mom. “I only started going through these a few weeks ago, and I just found yours a few nights ago.” I hand it to her, feeling like an ass for not looking through it sooner.
Melissa clasps it to her chest and closes her eyes. “Of course she did. Her heart was just so big.”
“It was. She left a few for me.” I rifle through the box and find the notes tied in a blue satin ribbon, putting them to the side.
“She left these for Bodhi. One for his high-school graduation. One for college. One for his wedding.” My voice wavers.
“One for him to read before his first child is born.” I run my hand over the bundle. “I haven’t read them.”
“Good,” she says through watery tears. “They’re his.”
“She left one more . . .” I lift it up and laugh at the chicken scratch.
“Serena . . . ?” Mel asks. “The woman who was just here?” I nod, and she looks away. “The one I was awful to.”
“Pretty sure we both were.” I put the letter back in the box.
“I’m sharing this with you because I want to assure you Britt knew exactly who Serena was to me.
They’d met more than once, and Britt was there for all our ups and downs over five years.
” I think back to when I offered to marry Britt.
She’d said no. She wanted me to go work things out with Serena, but I didn’t see any way to do it.
I was young and hurt and too stuck in my own head to see past the pain. I was a fucking idiot.
“I’m so sorry, Hendrix. I hope I didn’t do damage that can’t be reversed.”
“You didn’t. She asked for space, and I think I need to give it to her,” I admit, wishing that wasn’t it.
“Give her what she needs. Give her space. But don’t give her too much. The longer you’re apart the harder it is to find your way back to each other.” She lifts her card to her nose and closes her eyes as she inhales. “It still smells like her.”
“Yeah. It does.” I close the box and sit back, wondering what Britt’s letter to Serena says and thinking about the last few lines of the letter I read a few days ago.
It was always supposed to be you and her, Henny.
Thank you for taking a detour to take care of me and to fall in love with Bodhi.
But now it’s time you follow your heart and let it lead you to your future.
Go back to Kroydon Hills, Hendrix. Go back and go get your girl.
Give her your heart and beg her forgiveness.
Tell her everything. Tell her our truths.
All of them. If she’s the woman I think she is, she’ll forgive you and she’ll fall in love with Bodhi.
I know you could never replace me. But don’t mourn a ghost and miss your future.
There’s room enough in your hearts for you and our son to love me and love the next woman who comes into your lives.
Don’t let him grow up without a mother just because I can’t be there.
She’ll never be me, but moms come in all shapes and sizes and forms. If she’s strong enough to do that, let her be his.
I’ll love you forever, Hendrix.
XOXO,
Britt