26. Delilah #2
"Then why are you glaring at me?"
"I'm not glaring."
"You're definitely glaring."
I turn away. "You seemed fine without me."
"What?"
"You and Niko and Yuri. You looked like you were having a good time."
"And that bothers you?"
"No. It's good. I wanted you to have a good time."
"But?"
"But nothing." I cross my arms tighter. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."
Kane catches my arm and turns me back around. "Are you mad at me for not following you inside?"
"No."
"You're lying."
"I'm not lying."
"Then what's going on?"
I pull away. "I don't know. I just—" I stop, swallowing hard. "I wanted you to ask me to stay."
He goes still. "You wanted me to insist?"
"Yes. No. I don't know." I press my hands to my face. "This is stupid."
"It's not stupid."
"It is. I told you to leave me alone. And then I got upset when you did."
"So you wanted me to ignore what you said?"
"I wanted you to know that I didn't really want to be in the kitchen. I wanted to be out here with you."
"Then why didn't you stay?"
"Because it felt selfish."
"Selfish?"
"Yes. Priya drove all the way here, and she's making dinner, and I could at least set the table instead of sitting on a dock doing nothing."
"You're not doing nothing. You're spending time with me."
"Which is selfish."
"It's not selfish. It's what you're supposed to be doing."
"I don't know how," I admit uneasily. "Every time we've had a gathering or a holiday in the past, with my family—I was Do-It-All Delilah. If I'm not that, then—"
Then what's the point of me?
I don't say it, but I don't need to. Kane hears it anyway.
"Lilah." He cups my face. "You're allowed to want things for yourself."
"Like I told Priya, I know. In theory."
"In theory?"
"Very broad strokes of theory."
"Okay." He kisses my forehead. "Then I'm going to teach you."
"How?"
"By making you practice." He takes my hand. "Now come on. We're going for a walk."
"But dinner—"
"Can wait."
"Kane—"
"It can wait. Come on."
He pulls me toward the path that leads into the trees, and I follow, still anxious, but with my hand steady in his.
We walk for a bit. We don't even talk—just move through the quiet woods while the sun filters through the leaves above us.
"This is nice," I admit after a while.
Kane's lips curve into a smirk. "Romantic walk with Kane beats kitchen, then?"
"Oh, so this was supposed to be a romantic walk?"
"Wasn't it?"
"I don't know. I'm feeling the walk part, especially in my feet, but the romance is lacking."
Kane pulls me close. "Let me fix that."
He kisses me slow and deep.
When we break apart, he fixes his eyes on mine. "Better?"
I nod, still smiling. "Better."
"Kane beats kitchen?"
"Yes. Fine. Kane beats kitchen."
"So now you know." He plays with my hair, tucking it behind my ear, following the shape of the stray curls at my temple. "Next time you need an excuse to skip on kitchen duties, keep me in mind."
"You are a pretty good excuse," I admit.
Then I see his face darken a fraction.
"I'm joking," I add quickly. "You know that, right?"
"I do." Kane's tone doesn't sound that certain anymore. "But sometimes I still wonder."
"Wonder what?"
"If you're with me because you want to be or because you're running from something else."
"I'm not running."
"Then why did you keep leaving?"
I want to say it's not fair to ask that, or to frame it like that, but I stop.
Kane isn't wrong. He's watched me play table tennis with myself all afternoon, jumping from one chore to the other and then running away from responsibilities the second I could.
Which, deep down, is the second most liberating thing that ever happened to me on vacation.
The first being him.
So yeah. Maybe it is fair of him to ask.
"You are an escape," I admit. "But that's not the reason I'm with you. At first, maybe, that's what we both were to each other."
"And now?"
I look at him—his green eyes fixed on mine, open and patient.
"I've been thinking about getting you alone since breakfast," I admit.
His mouth quirks. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Then why didn't you say so?"
"Because I thought I should wait. Help Priya. Be a good host."
"You are a good host. But you're also allowed to disappear with your boyfriend for an hour."
"An hour?"
"Maybe two." He pulls me closer. "Depends how loud you are."
My face heats. "Kane."
"What?"
"You can't just—"
He kisses me before I can finish, deep and thorough, and when he pulls back I've forgotten what I was going to say.
"Still worried about dinner?" he asks.
"No."
"Good." He takes my hand again. "Then let's go."
We walk back to the house slowly, his thumb tracing circles on the back of my hand.
By the time we reach the clearing, my chest doesn't feel tight anymore.
Dinner is loud and warm and just the brand of chaotic I usually love.
Priya and Anton have made enough food for ten people. Zara sits between Priya and me, chattering about the frogs she found by the dock. Niko and Yuri argue about something in Russian that makes Kane smirk.
I start to stand when Priya and Anton begin clearing plates.
Kane's hand finds my thigh. "Stay."
"I should help."
"They've got it."
"But—"
"Lilah." His voice is firm. "Stay."
I sit.
Anton and Priya move around the table, clearing dishes and refilling glasses, while Zara climbs into the chair next to me and shows me a rock she found that looks like a turtle.
Kane keeps his hand on my leg, his thumb tracing absent patterns that make it hard to focus on anything else.
Niko says something that makes Yuri laugh. Priya brings out dessert—store-bought ice cream, which makes me irrationally happy because it means she didn't spend the afternoon baking either.
Kane leans over and murmurs in my ear, "See? You're allowed to just sit here."
"I know."
"Do you?"
I look at him. His eyes are soft in the candlelight.
"Yes," I say. "I think I finally do."
"Good." He kisses my temple. "Means I don't have to do a bad Yoda impression."
I shove him playfully. Then I lean on his shoulder, letting Zara's chatter wash over me, letting the warmth of the table sink in.
For the first time all day—possibly the first time in my whole life—I'm not thinking about what I should be doing.
I'm just here.
And it feels so damn good.