27. Kane
KANE
After dinner, Zara falls asleep on the couch with her head in Priya's lap. Priya carries her upstairs while Anton and the others settle in the living room with drinks.
I find my phone and pull up Apple Music, scrolling three tracks until I find a slow one I like.
Lilah's in the kitchen, drying the last of the dishes Anton washed. She looks up when the first notes fill the room.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"Come here."
"Kane—"
"Just come here."
She sets the towel down and crosses to me, suspicious. "Why?"
I take her hand and pull her close. "Because I want to dance with you."
"You want to dance."
"Yes."
"Since when do you dance?"
"Since now." I settle one hand on her waist and lace our fingers together with the other. "Now stop arguing and move."
She lets me lead her in a slow circle around the living room floor. Her body is stiff at first, like she's waiting for me to explain what this is really about.
"Relax," I murmur.
"I am relaxed."
"You're tense."
"I'm wondering what you're up to."
"I'm not up to anything. I just wanted to dance with my girlfriend."
Her mouth curves. "You're showing off."
"I'm not showing off."
"You are. I finally agreed to stop working, so now you're being extra romantic to prove a point."
"What point would that be?"
"That I should have stopped working hours ago."
I pull her closer. "Maybe I just wanted an excuse to touch you."
"You've been touching me all evening."
"Not enough."
She laughs softly and rests her head on my shoulder. "You're ridiculous."
"I've been waiting all evening to get you to myself."
"We've been alone plenty."
"Not like this."
We sway together, her body finally softening against mine. From the couch, Niko mutters an exasperated curse in Russian. Yuri laughs. Anton refills glasses.
Lilah doesn't look up. She just stays pressed against me, her fingers curled around mine, her breath warm against my neck.
"This is nice," she murmurs after a while.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." She tilts her head back to look at me. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For making me stop."
"You're allowed to stop on your own."
"I know. But I'm not very good at it yet."
I kiss her forehead. "You'll get better."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
We keep dancing until the song ends and another one starts. Eventually, Priya comes back downstairs and announces she's going to bed. Niko and Yuri follow soon after, taking Anton with them.
Which leaves us alone in the living room, still swaying together in the dim light.
"Everyone's gone," Lilah says.
"I know."
"Doesn't that mean we should stop dancing?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I like having you to myself."
She smiles and rests her head on my shoulder again. "I like it too."
We stay like that for another song. Then I take her hand and lead her toward the stairs.
"Where are we going?" she asks.
"Upstairs."
"How come?"
"I want you in a bed."
Her breath catches. "Oh."
I pull her into the bedroom and close the door behind us.
She stands in the middle of the room, watching me with wide eyes. "You're not going to bully me into relaxing again, are you?"
"No." I cross to her slowly. "Earlier I was trying to help you relax. Now I want to make you come apart."
Her face flushes. "Kane—"
I cup her face and kiss her, slow and deep. She opens for me immediately, her hands going to my shirt.
When I pull back, she's breathing hard.
"Do you trust me?" I ask.
"Yes."
"Good." I trace my thumb over her bottom lip. "I want to try something."
"What?"
"Remember how it used to be? Before we broke up in March?"
Her eyes darken. "You mean when you—"
"When I took over completely. Yes."
She swallows. "I remember."
"Do you want that again?"
"I—" She stops. Takes a breath. "Yes."
"You're sure?"
"Yes."
"Good." I step back and start unbuttoning my shirt. "Then take off your clothes."
She hesitates for half a second, then pulls her shirt over her head.
I watch as she strips down to nothing, my pulse kicking up with every inch of skin she reveals.
"Blyat'," I mutter.
"What?"
"You're so fucking beautiful."
She blushes harder, but doesn't look away. "What now?"
"Get on the bed."
She climbs onto the mattress and sits there, waiting.
I finish undressing, then cross to my bag and pull out the black silk blindfold I packed this morning.
Her eyes go wide. "Is that—"
"Yes."
"You brought that?"
"I was hoping we'd have a chance to use it."
She bites her lip. "Sugar is still our safe word?"
"Always."
"Okay." She takes a breath. "Then yes. I want to try."
I move to the bed and sit beside her. "You remember the rules?"
"Yes."
"Tell me."
"If I say sugar, you stop immediately."
"Good. And if you can't speak?"
"Snap my fingers twice."
"Perfect." I lean in and kiss her. "I'm going to make you feel so good, sladkaya."
She nods, already breathing faster.
I tie the blindfold over her eyes, making sure it's secure but not too tight. "How does that feel?"
"Good."
"Can you see anything?"
"No."
"Perfect." I guide her down onto the pillows. "Now lie still."
I take my time, pressing my lips to the curve of her throat, her collarbone, the soft swell of her stomach—every place she has ever tried to hide from me.
She makes a small sound when I drag my mouth along her ribs, and I pause there, deliberate, feeling her chest rise and fall under my hands.
She writhes against the pillow, restless without her sight to anchor her, her fingers searching. Until they find the sheets and curl tight around the fabric.
Her breathing comes faster now, shallow and uneven, and I let it build. Keep my touches measured.
Because she needs to learn that nothing about her is something to rush past.
"Kane—"
"Shh. I've got you."
I slip two fingers inside her, curling them just right, and she gasps.
"That's it," I murmur. "Let me hear you."
She moans, her hips rolling into my hand.
I work her slowly. Grind my thumb into her clit and drag my fingers against her walls, hitting that spot that drives her crazy with every thrust.
Soon, she's shaking and pulling at the sheets.
"Please—"
"Not yet."
"Kane."
"Not. Yet."
I keep going, watching her body respond to every touch, every stroke, every word.
And then she goes still.
Not the good kind of still. The wrong kind.
"Sugar," she says.
I stop immediately and pull my hand away. "Okay. I've got you."
I reach for the blindfold, but she beats me to it, yanking it off and throwing it aside.
Her eyes are wide and her breathing is too fast.
"Lilah—"
"I'm sorry." She sits up, wrapping her arms around herself. "I'm sorry. I thought I could—"
"You don't have to apologize."
"But I—"
"You used the safe word. That's what it's for."
She pulls her knees up to her chest. "I wanted to try. But then I couldn't see you, and I just—"
She doesn't finish, but she doesn't have to.
I know what she's remembering. A different kind of dark. A different kind of helpless.
I should have fucking known better.
"Shit." I stand and grab my jeans from the floor. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"
"Where are you going?"
"Downstairs. You need space."
"Kane!"
"It's fine. I'll sleep on the couch."
"I don't want you to sleep on the couch."
I stop with my hand on the doorknob. "Lilah—"
"Please." Her voice cracks. "Please don't leave."
I turn back. She's still curled up on the bed, her arms wrapped around her knees, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
"I'm not angry," I say carefully. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"I know. But I don't want you to go."
"You need space."
"I need you to stay where I can see you."
The words hit harder than they should.
I cross back to the bed slowly. "Okay."
"I wanted to try," she says. "I thought I was ready for that part. But I wasn't."
"That's okay."
"I hate that he's still in my head. We were having such a good day, and then—"
"It's not your fault."
"It feels like my fault."
"It's not." I sit beside her on the bed, keeping space between us. "It's Vetrov's. He's the one who put those memories in your head. Not you."
"I hate that he can still do this. We're here, in the Poconos, having a nice weekend, and he's still ruining it."
"He's not ruining anything."
"Isn't he?"
"No. You used your safe word. You told me what you needed. That's not ruined. That's you taking care of yourself."
She wipes at her eyes. "I wanted tonight to be good."
"It was good."
"It doesn't feel good."
"Then let me help you have the rest of it."
She looks at me. "How?"
"Tell me what you need."
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do. Just say it."
She takes a shaky breath. "I don't want to think about Vetrov anymore tonight."
"Okay. What do you want to think about instead?"
"You." She reaches for my hand. "I want to think about you."
I lace our fingers together. "Then think about me."
"Can you—" She stops. Swallows. "Can you just hold me?"
"Yes."
"And can we leave the lamp on?"
"Of course."
I pull back the covers and climb into bed beside her. She curls into me immediately, her head on my chest, her arm around my waist.
I hold her close and press a kiss to her hair. "Better?"
"Yes."
We lie there in silence for a while, her breathing gradually slowing, her body relaxing against mine.
"Thank you," she murmurs after a while.
"For what?"
"For stopping. And for staying."
"I'll always stop when you need me to. And I'll always stay if you want me to."
She tilts her head up to look at me. "Do you hate that I used the safe word?"
"No. I'm glad you did."
"Really?"
"Really. It means you trust me enough to tell me when something's wrong."
"I do trust you."
"Good." I kiss her forehead. "Then trust that I'm not going anywhere."
She settles back against my chest, her fingers tracing absent patterns on my ribs.
We stay like that for a long time, the lamp casting warm light over the room, the sounds of the lake drifting in through the open window.
Eventually her breathing evens out, and I think she's fallen asleep.
But then her hand slides lower, tracing the line of my hip.
"Lilah—"
"I'm not asking you to start again," she says. "I just want to be close to you."
"We are close."
"Closer."
I understand what she's asking for. Not sex, but touch. Connection.
"Okay," I say.
I shift so we're facing each other, her leg hitched over my hip, our bodies pressed together.
She sighs and closes her eyes. "This is good."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." She presses a kiss to my chest. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For letting me have this instead."
I tighten my arms around her. "You can always have this."
She smiles against my skin. "I love you."
The words hit me square in the chest.
"I love you too," I say.
She tilts her head up and kisses me, soft and sweet, and I kiss her back, pouring everything I can't say into it.
When we pull apart, she settles back against me with a contented sigh.
"Can we stay like this?" she asks.
"As long as you want."
"All night?"
"All night."
She smiles and closes her eyes. "Good."
I hold her close while the lamp burns beside us, chasing away the dark.