Chapter 10
JILLIAN
Jillian had Tripp on her mind the rest of the weekend, so much so that she decided to leave school at the same time as the students on Monday so she could pick up her girls instead of having her grandparents get them off the bus.
She told herself it was just for fun, but honestly it was partly to get herself out of her own head.
Amberlee’s words kept swirling around in there.
People change…
Give the Lawrence boy a chance…
Jillian always followed her plan, not her heart. As a young woman, all that planning had helped her get the kind of grades that landed her a great financial aid package for nursing school.
And as a mom, careful planning was a step away from sacred.
Posey and Marigold might not be able to count on their dad anymore.
But they would never have to worry that their mother didn’t have their backs.
Whether it was setting aside funds in the tight budget for field trips and birthday presents, or keeping a running calendar of activities and invitations, Jillian lived by her plans.
And dating and friendships were not anywhere in that plan—there just wasn’t time.
During her adult life, her friends had mainly been the women she worked with.
Nurses spent time in the trenches together, and when their shifts were done, most of them, including Jillian, just wanted to get home to their families.
So her friendships at work were close, but didn’t often spill over into her outside life.
And dating was completely out of the question. At first that was because she had hoped Alan would come back. And now… well, she hardly wanted to put herself out there again.
So whatever her heart was trying to tell her about Tripp Lawrence, she was determined not to listen.
She pulled up in front of the elementary school and hopped out of the car into the cold. There was still snow on the ground, with more on the way tonight. But the fresh air felt good and the sound of the bell a moment after she arrived told her that she was right on time.
Kids began flowing out of the front doors, running to their parents and caregivers. More kids came out the side door with teacher’s aides and lined up for the bus.
“Mama,” Posey yelled, spotting her as she ran out the door.
Jillian opened her arms and Posey flew into them.
“They said you were coming and here you are,” Posey said brightly. “Why aren’t we getting on the bus?”
“I thought I would pick you up so I could hear about your day on the way home,” Jillian told her.
Posey frowned suspiciously, but before she could ask any questions, she spotted another child.
“Hey,” she said before darting off. “That’s my friend.”
Mari was outside now too, chatting with a little girl Jillian assumed must be Kayley. She waved to Mari so she would know it was fine to stay with her friend a few minutes more.
Mari smiled back gratefully.
“Jillian,” someone called out.
She turned to see Allie Lawrence, Posey’s teacher approaching, her boots crunching in the snow. Of course, since her life seemed to be set up to intersect with him in every possible way, Allie just happened to be Tripp’s little sister.
But Jillian was glad to see her. Allie had always been super sweet. It was no surprise at all that she had decided to work with the little ones.
“Hi, Allie,” Jillian said. “Posey loves kindergarten. I’m so glad you’re her teacher.”
“Me too,” Allie said. “She fits right in. And I can tell you read to her at home. She’s got some solid skills already.”
“She does love a good book,” Jillian said, nodding as a little burst of pride warmed her chest.
“Me too,” Allie said, smiling. “My brother is pretty taken with her. They’re like two peas in a pod.”
“Sure,” Jillian said, forcing herself to keep the smile on her face.
“I hear he’s going to be helping out at your grandparents’ place,” Allie went on. “It’s good of you to make that happen. He’s been wishing they would let him lend a hand for a long time.”
“Really?” Jillian asked. He’d hinted at it, but she hadn’t been sure.
“It’s not to pressure you,” Allie said quickly. “I mean, obviously he’s always had a thing for you, but he’s helping them because he cares about them.”
“A thing for me?” Jillian echoed helplessly.
“Well, you knew about it,” Allie chuckled. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you. He planned to ask you to that formal for weeks.”
“Not because he liked me, though,” Jillian heard herself say flatly. She hated to bring up something she’d kept buried so long. But somehow, having told Amberlee had uncorked a bunch of bottled feelings, and made it easier to talk about them again.
“Of course because he liked you,” Allie said, looking genuinely puzzled. “Why else would he ask you to the dance?”
“To make fun of me,” Jillian said softly, hating the feeling that she was tattling on Tripp to his little sister. “As a prank.”
“What are you talking about?” Allie asked, her expression darkening.
“The basketball guys did it to another girl the year before,” Jillian said, looking down. “The one guy cornered her in the hallway in front of everyone and asked her. And when she said yes, they all made fun of her.”
“No,” Allie breathed.
“Yes,” Jillian said. “And then Tripp did the same thing to me. He caught me in the hallway with all his hockey friends watching. I know what was going on. Sure, we hung out backstage sometimes, but I was never part of his crowd. I was a nerd. Hockey stars don’t ask nerds to the Winter Formal.”
Something like understanding dawned on Allie’s face.
“Tripp did. I promise you,” she said softly. “And the way he sees it, you ran off and left him a laughingstock in front of all his friends.”
“No,” Jillian breathed, lifting her eyes to meet Allie’s.
But the other woman was serious. There was no mistaking it.
“He never really got over it,” Allie said.
“They were laughing at him?” Jillian asked, gobsmacked.
That couldn’t be right. Could it?
“You thought he was making fun of you,” Allie said, shaking her head in wonder. “He always thought you saw him as a joker—that he wasn’t serious enough for you.”
Jillian ran through the scene that had replayed in her head so many times over the years.
This time, she saw Tripp looking so handsome, his eyes twinkling not with mischief but with hope.
She felt the tile under her feet as she ran, and heard the peals of laughter in her wake.
Not at her.
At him.
She remembered him trying to catch her eye in the hall in the days after, and her marching past without giving him a second glance.
Did he think I was disgusted, that I was the one who thought I was too good for him?
She shut him down in front of his friends and then refused to even acknowledge him. It would sure look that way from the outside. And now Allie was telling her that he’d never gotten over it.
Surely, that couldn’t be true. Who would hold onto something for that long?
I would.
“Mama,” Posey said, running up again. “Can we go now? Gram said we could make cookies today.”
“Sure,” Jillian told her, trying to focus on the present instead of the past again. “Go find your sister and we’ll head out.”
“It was good to see you, Jillian,” Allie said thoughtfully.
“Thank you,” Jillian said, meaning it. “Thank you so much for what you just told me.”
“Are you going to talk to Tripp?” Allie asked her.
“As soon as I get him alone,” Jillian promised.
“Good,” Allie said. “He deserves to know what really happened, and so do you.”
Posey and Mari ran up just as Allie headed off to break up two little boys whose roughhousing was getting a little too rough.
“Let’s go,” Posey said, grabbing Jillian’s hand.
Jillian let the girls lead her to the car as her mind got lost in the conversation she had ahead of her with Tripp Lawrence.
The rest of the afternoon passed quickly.
When she got home, Tripp was already out front, tearing the rotten treads off the porch stairs.
It might have been the perfect opportunity to get him alone, except that Gram was making cookies with the girls and Grampy asked if she would mind helping out with dinner.
Of course she couldn’t say no, so she changed clothes quickly and headed down to chop veggies for the red sauce and keep her grandfather company while he made his famous meatballs.
By the time that was done, the girls were happily covered in flour. So she ushered them upstairs for early showers, her heart still pounding and her mind scrambling about how to talk to Tripp.
When the girls were dressed again and everyone gathered at the table for supper, she could ask Tripp to stay a bit and talk with him then.
But by the time that happened, he had already headed back to his parents’ place to help out with the evening milking.
I’ll talk to him tomorrow, she told herself. It will be good for me to have a little time to think about what to say.
But she was filled with nervous energy all evening, and almost forgot to prepare and pack up the girls’ snacks and lunches for the next day. At least they were already bathed and they’d had an incredible spaghetti and meatball dinner.
“Everything okay?” Gram asked, coming over to pat Jillian’s back as she sliced up apples to put in the girls’ snack bags.
“Yes,” Jillian said. “I’m so sorry. I’m just a little out of it today.”
“You’ve been so worried about the girls’ transition,” Gram said. “But this is a big transition for you too.”
“It’s a good one though,” Jillian said, setting down the knife to turn to her grandmother. “We’re going to be so happy here, and it’s all thanks to the two of you.”
Gram’s blue eyes were suddenly full of tears, and the two women embraced for a minute in silence.
By the time Jillian had finished up with the snacks and her plans for the next day, the girls were in bed and Gram and Grampy were too.
At some point, snow had begun falling outside. She could see the thick flakes falling past the lights of the back porch.