Chapter 10 #2
The house was so cozy with everyone sleeping. She was tempted to make a pot of tea and curl up by the living room window just to watch the snow fall and catch her breath.
But if she stayed up much longer, she’d be sorry in the morning.
She let out a long sigh, then wiped down the kitchen counters.
As she moved through the house, she turned off the lights and picked up the girls’ things wherever they had been abandoned.
She made a mental note to remind them about tidying up.
They weren’t leaving a huge mess or anything like that.
It was mostly just that they were so excited to see their great-grandparents when they came home that they tended to leave their scarves and jackets where they fell.
She was just turning to the stairs when there was a knock at the door.
What in the world?
It had to be after nine o’clock. What kind of maniac showed up in the middle of the night like this?
She hurried to open the door before they knocked again and woke the whole house, suddenly wondering if something might be wrong.
On the other side stood Tripp, snowy air swirling around him, pale flakes dotting his jacket and catching in his too-long hair.
“Tripp,” she said softly.
“Allie told me,” he said, his voice rough.
“Oh,” she breathed.
Jillian hadn’t even considered that. But of course Allie told him. The two of them were close, just like Jillian and her sister.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
She stepped back, opening the door fully and watching as he took off his boots and coat before joining her in the hall.
“Do you, um, want to sit?” she offered, gesturing to the loveseat in the sitting room.
She would have preferred to talk at the kitchen table instead of the intimate little room, but everyone else was in bed and they would be less likely to disturb anyone out here.
He nodded and took the chair across from the loveseat.
She turned on the lamp on the side table and sat on the little sofa, trying to imagine what she could possibly say to him.
“I’m sorry,” she began, then stopped, unable to find any more words.
“We were friends, Jillian,” Tripp said. “You knew me. Did you really think I would do something like that to you?”
“Do you remember Emmalene Monk?” she asked him carefully. “And what the basketball boys did to her?”
“Of course,” Tripp said, his eyes serious. “It was horrible. That poor girl. Most of them felt bad about it afterward, from what I heard.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Jillian said. “No one deserves what happened to her.”
“But Emmalene was unpopular, and she didn’t even know Dave Bouchet,” Tripp said. “She had no reason to think he would ask her to the formal. You and I were friends.”
“Emmalene and I were a lot more alike than any of the girls you dated,” Jillian said, her eyes on the window.
“What are you talking about?” Tripp said.
“I was a nerd,” Jillian said. “I had a handful of friends, but I wasn’t popular. And I’m not ashamed of that, by the way.”
“Why would you be ashamed?” Tripp asked, looking surprised.
“You were smart, and your friends were all smart too. And you volunteered all the time. From where I was standing, you had your life all figured out. And there was no place in it for a class clown whose only skills were skating and milking cows.”
“It sure seemed like I had it all figured out back then,” Jillian said, shaking her head. “I don’t know what happened.”
“Hey,” Tripp said. “The whole world isn’t in your control. But you’ve done a great job with the things that are. All any of us can do is the best we can with what’s in our hands.”
The words hit her hard. Seeing her current situation through Tripp’s perspective turned everything on its head. She had always done her best for her family and her patients, and that was something to be proud of.
“Thank you for that,” she said, swallowing over the sudden lump in her throat. “I think I needed to hear it.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Tripp said. “Now listen, it’s been a long time, but I do owe you an apology.”
“What for?” she asked.
“I thought I was making a big romantic gesture back then,” he said.
“I thought you would love it. But that’s only because it’s what I would love.
I can’t be mad because you should have known me better—not when I definitely knew you well enough to know I should have talked to you about my feelings for you privately instead of making some big embarrassing scene. So I’m sorry for that.”
“And I’m sorry I thought the worst of you, Tripp,” Jillian said. “You’re right. I should have known you would never do something so mean.”
“Of course not,” he replied. “And never, ever to you.”
His words hung in the air for a moment.
“Well, maybe you liked me back in high school,” Jillian said. “But now I’ve got two children and a life that’s defined by them and my grandparents. I’m not exactly the most eligible girl in town.”
“Jillian,” Tripp said, leaning forward so that she felt almost hypnotized by his blue gaze. “Have you noticed that we have a lot in common?”
“What do you mean?” she asked him.
“We’re both caregivers,” he said. “You spend your days taking care of kids, I spend mine taking care of the herd.”
She smiled at the idea that he did tend to the health and happiness of other beings all day.
“You’re close with your family and you want to be here to help them,” he said. “My family is my whole life. And I’ve got even more of them to answer to than you do.”
“That’s true,” she said, realizing he was right about that. Her own family in town seemed small compared to the whole Lawrence clan.
“The thing about a man like me,” Tripp said, “is that he appreciates the kind of woman who won’t resent it if he has to go catch the cows when they get out, or help his mom change out the screens for the storm windows, or help bail out his brother’s basement if it floods, or whatever else needs my attention. ”
Jillian nodded, a sense of wonder falling over her.
“A man like me,” he continued, “understands that a woman who can stand on her own two feet is a rare and wonderful creature.”
“That’s… that’s really nice, Tripp,” she told him, trying to remind herself of all the reasons she didn’t want to be in a relationship right now.
My marriage failed.
The girls need all the attention I can give them.
My grandparents need to know I don’t take them for granted.
All her reasons suddenly seemed small when she was face-to-face with this wonderful man, whose expression was filled with warmth and longing. A man who didn’t want to take a single one of her priorities away from her, but instead wanted to lend her his strong shoulders to ease her burden.
“But you still don’t want to be my girl,” he guessed.
“My time isn’t my own anymore,” she said, tearing her eyes from his. “And I wasn’t planning to date again until… ever, really.”
“Can you change that plan?” Tripp asked gently. “For someone who would be grateful to be a part of whatever moments are leftover in your life?”
She wanted nothing more than to say yes. He was asking her for something she wanted to give. And asking in a respectful way too.
But she had to tell him no. That was the only possible answer.
“I’ll think about it,” she heard herself say instead.
“Hot dog,” he exclaimed, hopping up from the chair and looking so happy she could only laugh. “I’ll take it.”
“Okay,” she said, rising and trying not to blush at the happy sparkle in his eyes.
“I’m gonna get out of here before I mess things up,” he told her, winking.
“I guess you have to be up pretty early for the cows,” she said.
“You guess right,” he told her. “And I know you do for the school. But if I have your permission, I’ll text you about getting together when the time is right for us both.”
“Okay,” she said, suddenly feeling shy.
Tripp was so tall, his shoulders were so broad, and he smelled enchanting, like a walk in the woods on a fall day.
In that moment, she was sure she had never seen anyone so handsome in her entire life.
It suddenly hit her that they were alone in the little sitting room, with only a small table lamp glowing in the darkness between them.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jillian,” Tripp said, his voice a little deeper than usual.
“See you then,” she said, watching him pull on his boots and jacket again and head out into the snow.
She stood by the front window for a long time, gazing out at the snowy lawn and thinking. If what she thought was true about her past could change, then what did that mean about her plans for the future?