19. Tripp
TRIPP
Tripp stood on the front porch of his parents’ farmhouse, looking out over the fields he had cared for since he was old enough to walk.
The cold wind slid icy fingers under his flannel and the distant sound of the cows lowing in the barn seemed lonelier than usual.
Plenty of things had happened in his life, good and bad. There were the hockey wins, the lost calves, the arrival of nieces and nephews, and the years when the farm barely broke even and everyone scrimped and prayed.
He’d stood here to absorb every one of them, and let the land, and the wind, and the mountains steady his heart, for better or for worse.
But tonight, even the peace of the snow covering the meadows in a fresh white blanket did nothing to ease his heart.
I thought this was meant to be…
It had filled something deep in his chest to see Jillian at the family table and the girls fitting right in with the other kids, almost like they had always been there.
Like they belong here with me.
But Jillian was nothing if not a steady person. Unlike Tripp, she wasn’t impulsive, and she didn’t do things without thinking first.
If Jillian had taken her girls and gone, it meant something. And he was probably better off trying to preserve their friendship than showing her how desperate he was to be her man.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been outside when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, hoping that it would be Jillian telling him she really had been feeling ill, and that she couldn’t wait to see him again.
Jillian
I know this isn’t the best way to tell you, but I’m sure you’ve already figured it out by the way we left.
I think we should stop seeing each other. I need to focus on the girls and my grandparents right now.
I don’t think you should keep working on the house. You’ve already done too much for all of us and we’re so grateful. I’ll bring in a contractor for the rest.
Anyway, thank you for being a friend to me, Tripp. I’ll always remember our time together with a smile.
He stared down at the screen, feeling like his heart was being torn out of his chest.
“You okay?” West’s quiet voice roused him from his spiral of sadness.
Tripp looked up to see his brother headed up the porch steps, a garment bag in his hands.
“This should fit,” West said. “But Mom can probably alter it, if not.”
Tripp sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
“You haven’t even looked at it yet,” West said, sounding kind of offended. “I promise it’s not a tux or anything. It’s low-key, just like you wanted.”
“It’s not the suit,” Tripp said, wordlessly offering his brother his phone.
West took it, his eyes scanned the screen. Then he frowned.
“Well?” Tripp said.
“I guess the dress code isn’t the only thing she wanted to keep casual,” West said softly.
“I thought with kids she would be the one to want something serious,” Tripp said, shaking his head. “Someone steady to really be there for them.”
“Maybe the girls are exactly why she doesn’t want someone serious,” West offered carefully.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tripp asked.
“Maybe it’s like she’s saying,” West said, indicating the phone. “Maybe she wants to mostly be there for her family, and just go out on a fun date once in a while.”
It was ironic that Tripp had felt just that way for years about every single woman he saw. None of them could compete with his obligations and love for his family. None were anything more to him than someone to pass a little time with.
And now Jillian was back. Everything he’d ever dreamed of seemed to be right in front of him. He was finally ready to shrug off his so-called freedom without even thinking about it.
And all she had wanted was a fun date or two.
“That’s not what I want,” Tripp said. “I want it all.”
“I guess now you know how all those girls felt,” West said with a grimace.
“Yeah,” Tripp said, sighing.
He wanted to be mad, but his brother wasn’t wrong.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t ever felt bad about disappointing the women he’d dated here and there. But now he got it. And it was terrible to picture a future with someone who didn’t really see you being part of their life.
“Are you going to tell her how you feel?” West asked. “Or give her space?”
“She’s smarter than I am,” Tripp said immediately. “If I’m going to convince her she needs me, I need a little time to figure out how to do it.”
West chuckled and wrapped an arm around Tripp’s shoulders.
“There’s hope for you yet, troublemaker,” he said warmly. “You might just wind up being the most serious Lawrence in the bunch.”