Chapter 3
Mira
MYRTLE DIDN’T GIVE me a ride to the truck stop. Instead, she kept driving around until I finished filling out the questionnaire and picked ten potential matches. She gushed over each of them, even the dryad, whose ‘marvelous ass’ looked a little too barky for my taste. And he had twigs sticking out of his hair.
Not that I should complain about someone not looking hot enough, but still, twigs were not my thing.
The hot merman on a yacht, on the other hand, was very much my type. He was so my type that I created a type just for him. He was also twice my age, proving something I had known for a while now—I had daddy issues. So many daddy issues.
When I picked the last match, Myrtle rushed me to the Love Bites office because setting up my first date was clearly the priority here. Not the fact that I no longer had a truck and was stuck in this town. Not the fact that I was still hauling a kettlebell in my backpack and really needed to get to the truck stop early enough to get a room for the night. Nope. None of that mattered to Myrtle.
So, here I was, sitting in the office with three old ladies, Myrtle included, and a banshee in a power suit.
“It’s so good to have you with us,” Beatrix the Banshee crooned.
“Not like I had a choice.” I better get a brand-new truck out of this. A super sleeper would be nice. Maybe then I wouldn’t have a permanent bad hair day.
“There’s always a choice. Some people just need a little push to make the right one,” the old lady with cat eye framed glasses hanging on her chest said as she looked up from her knitting.
“My truck didn’t need that extra push. It had been pushed too far.” All my winter clothes were still in it. That jacket was so comfy. I really didn’t want to lose it for good.
No, I couldn’t think like that. Things were things.
“Your truck? Really? That’s what you’re worried about? It doesn’t even belong to you.” The old lady with a short haircut shut me a glare that could cause car wrecks. Big ones, like that seventy-vehicle pile-up I narrowly missed last winter.
“It might not belong to me, but it’s my home,” I informed her.
And that was the truth. I have been living in it since I turned eighteen. By that point, I had already figured out that to survive, I needed to appear older, so the new identity crafted for me by a rogue technomage made me a few years older, just enough to get a commercial license and the right to drive outside my state with it.
“I’m so sorry about the circumstances of your stay in Whynot,” Beatrix said with the most charming smile. “I hope you enjoy it despite all this unpleasantness. Now, about your first date.”
At least I’d packed my one and only cute outfit, mainly because I had hoped for a little rump. Not anything serious, obviously. I couldn’t do serious with my lifestyle choices, but a girl needed to get laid every now and again.
“It’s customary for our clients to have at least one blind date,” Beatrix continued. “I understand it needs to be someplace you can easily leave without anyone noticing.”
What? How did she... Stupid magical towns and their nosy magical people who magically knew things. Ugh.
Still better than traffickers. Things could always be worse. I had to remember that.
“Not that you’ll want to leave once you meet the hunk,” Myrtle said. Somehow, she’d changed out of the runway model dress into a tracksuit the moment we entered the office. It just magically appeared on her, as did her knitting bag.
“You think everyone’s a hunk,” the mean old lady said. What was her name again? Agatha? They had introduced themselves, but my mind was still stuck on the fact that my truck no longer had a roof, and that I’d been kidnapped by an elderly barbie doll for the sole purpose of getting me to use this dating agency.
“Oh, please, you’re just upset he didn’t immediately fall for your ads. I told you that copy was atrocious. Next time, trust our marketing department to do it,” Myrtle fired back.
“Our marketing department is useless.”
Well, that explained why they had to kidnap people to get them to sign up.
“Can we please all get back to the blind date?” A maniacal note entered Beatrix’s voice, like she might actually use her banshee powers on us.
“That new place that just opened up is nice,” Cleo said. “You know the one? The Magic Bean, I think it’s called.”
“Oh, yeah, the one that’s been here for as long as I can remember,” Beatrix said with a nod of understanding. “Good choice. They have a back door you can use if you need to avoid the main street. Just tell the barista your abusive stalker ex is out front, and she’ll let you use it.”
Good to know. Still creepy how they knew I was on the run, but whatever. At least they considered my safety. Silver lining and all that.
“Sounds perfect. Can it be a lunch date?” I asked because a girl had to eat. A girl also needed to get to the truck stop to get a room.
“Well, you’re not giving him much time, are you, dear,” the nice old lady with the hanging glasses said.
“I’ll get her a lunch date,” Agatha answered.
“Please, don’t threaten anyone into agreeing on a date on such a short notice,” Myrtle told her.
“Just because you have to threaten people into taking you on a date doesn’t mean Mimmy White here will have to do the same,” Agatha answered, and okay, I started liking her a little better despite her death glares and cutting remarks. Anyone who could figure out that Mira White was a nod to Mimmy White deserved nothing but respect.
Myrtle folded her arms under her boobs and lifted her chin. “I’ll have you know, I was on seventeen dates this month.”
“You tricked those poor saps, didn’t you?” Agatha asked. More like stated, really. “I can tell because you only had one date with each.”
“That’s not true. I went out with that werewolf two months ago,” Myrtle argued.
“Fooled him twice. You’d think a werewolf would be able to sniff you out by now.” Agatha shook her head.
“Oh, he had a cold. Still looked scrumptious, though. But enough about me.” Myrtle turned to me. “We’ll make that lunch date happen for you, but it might be a very late lunch. I have your number, so I’ll text you all the details. It’s not like you have anywhere else to be.”
Something familiar stirred inside me. Or someone. I had named her Kitty when I was little because I so badly wanted to be friends with Hello Kitty that I made her up. Except people grew out of imaginary friends while mine stayed with me my whole life. She hadn't made her presence known for a few months, but magical towns always got her attention.
“Great. I can finally go now?” I asked.
“Yes, darling,” Beatrix answered. “I have you down for your blind date at two in the Magic Bean coffee shop.”
“Don’t miss your date.” Agatha’s words sounded kinda like a threat.
“I won’t,” I promised because who even knew what kind of creature she was. I couldn’t tell by just looking at her, and without knowing, I had no idea what she might do to me for being tardy.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Myrtle put her knitting away and went to the door. After opening it a crack, she shouted, “Eureka, tell the tech department to stop messing with Mira White’s phone. She is allowed to get her own ride now.”
Seriously?
Kitty huffed her agreement, but she also felt different today than she normally did. She was only ever this content when we were swimming.
“Well, thank you for the date and what not,” I said as politely as I could while making my way out of the chaotic office.
The moment I was outside, I pulled out my phone and checked if I could get a ride yet, but there was nothing. Of course, they would need more time to stop hacking my phone. Just peachy.
My stomach grumbled. With Kitty paying attention again, I already knew that my food choices were limited. I needed seafood, or she would throw a fit.
Growing up, Dad rarely allowed any kind of fish in the house, unless it had been cooked by someone else. He claimed he hated the smell of raw fish, but I suspected he hated the way mermaids reacted to raw fish.
Fortunately, my phone was still capable of finding a restaurant that served sushi. It was just down the street, too. Hopefully, they didn’t have a dress code because I was dressed for a comfy drive.
As I started walking, Kitty got restless, but it wasn’t her usual excitement over raw fish. What else could’ve gotten her attention?
I looked more carefully at the storefronts. There wasn’t anything unusual. And then I saw him—the merman I had matched with, the one with the picture of him on the yacht. That picture didn’t do him justice. His arms... Oh, bubblies, I really hoped he would be my blind date.
Would it be weird if I went to talk to him? Yeah, it probably would. Besides, I wore a pair of old sweatpants and a raggedy t-shirt. Enticing I was not.