Chapter 4
Troy
“I’M NOT SURE WHY IT’S doing that,” the young technomage mumbled as he tried to fix my questionnaire. “This is the best I can do for now, but I’ll keep trying.”
I checked my answers, and it now said I was looking for a woman twenty-two and over. That hadn’t even been an option when I filled out the questionnaire.
“Thank you. I guess I’ll just reject anyone under thirty manually.” Did I mind the extra work? Yes, but not as much as being bullied into signing up in the first place.
I got up to leave the cubicle but was stopped in my track by an angry old lady in a tracksuit. Agatha. I should’ve known I’d have to deal with her today.
“You have a lunch date at two,” she informed me.
“No can do. I already made plans for this afternoon.” They included a cold beer and a rerun of Supernatural playing in the background while I placed a few phone calls to the sea folks working border patrol. Maybe something new had come up on their radars since the last time I called them.
“Cancel them.” Agatha demanded. “This is your whole future we’re talking about. Do you really want to mess with your fate over a show you’ve seen a hundred times?”
“Fate, huh? Are you saying you’re one of the fates?” I asked the question everyone wanted to know the answer to.
“Don’t be an idiot. I’m obviously not the one you’re fated for,” she answered. Or didn’t answer because I definitely never asked if she was the one for me.
“Well, if you’re not one of the fates, then I guess you wouldn’t know what my fate is supposed to be. So, I’ll just keep the plans I already made, thank you very much.”
She looked like she wanted to murder me. Had she ever killed anyone before? I knew she had done some good old breaking and entering, but would she actually kill a man for refusing to go on a date?
Myrtle came up from behind me and slipped her arm into the crook on my elbow. How she appeared in the cubicle was anyone’s guess. “Now, Agatha, you don’t have to get all mean just because you lost a bet. Next time I say a lunch date is too short notice, maybe someone will listen.” She turned her carefully lined eyes on me. “How about a dinner date instead?”
I would not fall into this trap. No way. “Who would the date be with?”
“A blind date, of course.” She smiled, and it should’ve looked charming, but I knew better. “Those are my favorite.”
“Absolutely no blind dates,” I answered.
Beatrix came next, using the more conventional way of doing so, like actually walking to the cubicle. “Mister Wavesong, it’s so good to see you. How about we go somewhere more comfortable to arrange your first date?”
Did I have to? I knew the dates were supposed to be arranged by the agency, in huge part to keep their clients safe, but did I actually have to go on a date?
As I looked over Beatrix’s shoulder, I found a dozen people looking in our direction. Those who weren’t looking had their ears turned, as if I wouldn’t notice such obvious eavesdropping.
“Fine, let’s go arrange that date,” I grumbled and followed the banshee to the conference room.
Agatha and Myrtle came with us. When we entered, Cloe was already in the most comfortable looking chair, knitting what looked like a baby sweater. The three crones seemed to do a lot of knitting, and a lot of it was baby stuff. So, they either liked knitting so much they decided to start matchmaking, or they started matchmaking and felt responsible for every baby born as a result. It was one of those chicken or the egg questions.
“I only have one match,” I told them, “So, I guess I know who I’m going on a date with.”
“Nonsense. You have plenty of matches.” Myrtle batted her eyes at me.
“Yeah, but I rejected all of them except one.” I stood by the door, not bothering to take a seat with the rest of them because I wanted to be out of here. This place gave me the creeps. Weird things happened around the Love Bites agency, and I blamed the crones for all of it.
Beatrix pulled out her tablet and typed something in, then nodded slowly. “It looks like you only accepted Selena from the town of Because as a potential match. How interesting.”
Agatha groaned and rolled her eyes. I didn’t need to be a mind reader to know she was cursing my very existence.
“There must be some kind of mistake.” Myrtle took the tablet from Beatrix, read over it, then typed a few things and handed it back. “There, you now have three matches you can go out with.”
“Did you add yourself back?” Agatha asked.
Myrtle pursed her lips, took the tablet back, typed on it again and returned it to Beatrix. I opened the app on my phone to check my matches. There were now two, Selena and the girl with the little mermaid hairstyle.
“I specifically remember rejecting Mira White,” I said.
“Why would you reject such a cutie? She’s so sweet, too, and very strong.” Myrtle gave my chest an appreciative once over. “You have that in common. Do you use kettlebells, too?”
I did, but that had nothing to do with my reason for not wanting to date her. “She’s too young.”
“Your questionnaire here says you’d like to date someone over twenty-two. She’s in that range, so if that’s your only objection, then you’re going on a date with her,” Agatha said.
“The questionnaire is glitching. That’s why I came in to talk to one of your technomages. I don’t want anyone under thirty.”
Cleo put her knitting needles down and gave me a placating smile. “I’m sure the app knows what you need. Our technomages worked very hard to create it, and they are now working hard to fix all the glitches, but until they fix it, you can’t just hurt poor Mimmy’s feelings. She already has... what do youngsters call it these days?”
“Daddy issues,” Beatrix offered. “And you’re not helping.”
“Look, can you just arrange a date for me and Selena? I really need to get back to work now.” More like I needed to escape this madhouse.
“You hand them everything on the silver platter, tell them they only need to woo the girl, and they can’t even get that right,” Agatha grumbled.
The banshee hummed and nodded. “I can arrange a blind date for you for tomorrow.”
“No blind dates. Just Selena,” I argued.
“It’s customary to arrange at least one blind date,” Agatha answered, “and it should be a lunch date today.”
They were trying to set me up on a blind date with Mira, weren’t they? There was no way I’d agree to that. My self-control only went so far. If I went out with that hottie, I might do something stupid, like break my rules about dating women half my age.
“I just want one date with Selena,” I repeated. And now I sounded like I was obsessed with the woman.
“She’s from Because. For all we know, she’s only here to spy on us,” Cloe said, her nose back in her yarn.
“Fine, let him go out with Selena. That’ll send her packing,” Agatha agreed, and somehow, I felt like I’d lost this round even though I was getting exactly what I asked for.
“A dinner date tomorrow at six, then,” Beatrix agreed.
Before they got into any more bickering matches or decided to hook me up with Mira again, I made my escape. Walking out the door never felt this good. The street, the fresh air, it was perfect—much better than the inside of the Love Bites agency.
I walked down the street, heading for the car I’d parked a block away. It was time to get home. Salted salmon was calling my name, and who was I to make good food wait? Especially since it was one of the few dishes from back home that I could eat regularly. It was easy enough to make, and I could buy all the ingredients in the supermarket.
My thoughts stalled, then shattered when I saw the now familiar mermaid lift her face to the sky in a silent prayer for mercy. She looked absolutely miserable.
Oh, hell. She looked like she needed help, and I couldn’t just not try to help. It wasn’t in my nature to ignore mermaids in distress.
I walked up to her carefully, as if she were an angry kraken. “Hi. Is everything okay?”
She turned those gorgeous brown eyes on me and blushed. “Not unless you’re a technomage.” She waved her phone like it held all the answers.
“Not a technomage, sorry. Do you need to use my phone?”
Her shoulders sagged. “Can you check if there are any Uber drivers available?”
I checked the app on my phone and yeah, there was one five minutes away from us. When I showed it to Mira, though, she looked like she wanted to cry, then she showed me her own screen that said there were no available rides.
“Well, that’s weird.”
“They hacked my phone. They were supposed to let me get a ride, now that I did what they wanted me to, but it’s still not letting me order a ride,” Mira explained, except her explanation left me with more questions than answers.
“Who hacked your phone?”
“The eighty-year-old barbie doll that works at Love Bites.”
Ah, Myrtle. So, I wasn’t the only one getting shoved into the dating pool.
“Relatable. I became a target of a very aggressive advertising campaign. Have you met Agatha? I’m pretty sure she was behind those ads, and she’s not someone I want to piss off, so I went with it before she decided to rewrite my fate or something.” I waved at my car parked only a few feet away. “I can give you a ride, if you want.”
Mira bit her lip and looked at my Tesla uncertainly. Yeah, I wouldn’t get into a car with a stranger either, if I were her.
“My name’s Troy, by the way.” I pulled out my driver’s license. “Want to take a picture and send it to a friend so they know who to look for if I turn out to be a serial killer?”
“I know.” She snapped a picture of my license, then started walking toward my car. “Your name, I mean. We got matched on Love Bites.”
I nodded, even though she walked two steps ahead of me, so she couldn’t see me. As we got to my car, I gave Mira a minute to snap a picture of my plates, then opened the door for her.
“Where are you headed?” I asked.
“The truck stop. My beasty broke down, so I’ll be staying there.”
She was a truck driver? Huh. That was one occupation I hadn’t imagined for her. Not that I thought about her much. Nope. Not at all.
“Did they by chance book a blind date for you for lunch?” I asked.
“Yeah, at the Magic Bean coffee shop. Why?”
And just like that, the chances of the app suddenly allowing me to pick the correct age went out the window.
“Because that’s when they wanted me to go on a blind date,” I answered.
Mira smiled, her body at a slight angle, so she could look at me as I pulled out of the parking lot. “So, you’re going to be my blind date?”
“Nope. I turned it down,” I answered and immediately regretted it because Mira’s smile dimmed, and somehow, that mattered to me.
What in the blasted sea was wrong with me? I shouldn’t care if Mira was happy or not. She wasn’t the one for me. Well, maybe in another ten years when our age gap wouldn’t be as noticeable. In the meanwhile, did she have to go on a date with another man?