Chapter Twelve
“S hit. I must be killing you.” He’d been collapsed over Hannah’s tiny frame for far too long.
“Nope. That’s what you did ten minutes ago.” She ran her hand through his hair and kissed the bridge of his nose. No one had ever given him that sweetness after sex. Wasn’t sure if he would’ve liked it if they had, but when the gesture came from Hannah? Something cracked and expanded. His heart seemed to grow inside his chest.
“I have to take care of the condom. Be right back.” He kissed her hard on the mouth and slipped out of bed. Immediately he felt a sense of loss and she was only on the other side of the room. He disposed of the condom and quickly got back into bed with Hannah, pulling her warm body snug into his. He smiled as she sighed contentedly and rested her face on his chest. The conversation he’d had with his team came roaring back, blindsiding him. He’d meant to talk to her about Russell’s uncle but when they’d started kissing, he’d lost every coherent thought. Fuck.
Hannah shifted, pulling away. “What is it?”
“There’s something that we need to talk about, but it’s not a conversation I want to have in bed.”
“Okay.” He could feel her emotional barriers slam shut, even before she physically moved away from him.
“Don’t.” As far as she’d come with trusting him, she still expected him to let her down. That was a blow. Like being a flesh-and-bone target for a bunch of assault rifles before falling from a rope.
“Don’t what?” There was an edge to her voice. One that was covering up a whole lot of hurt and fear. He couldn’t have that. Couldn’t let her think what they needed to talk about was something about their relationship.
He hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her back into bed, shifting so she was partially beneath him. “I’m not letting you leave this bed thinking I’m going to do something that’s gonna hurt you. The news I have to share sucks, might be confusing, but I will not let you go into a situation that could put you and Collin at risk without you having all the facts. You just blew my mind in this bed, Hannah. Every day I fall a little deeper. I’m the one who should be afraid in this relationship. You deserve more than I can give. Someone who isn’t going to leave you for weeks, months at a time, but there’s no way I’m letting you go.”
She was silent for a few moments. “I’m sorry.” The hand she placed on his chest soothed the hurt. “I…” She exhaled. “I’m falling, too, Hunter.” She reached up and traced the lines of his face, and his pulse ticked up at her honesty. “And I’m scared. That’s what I do when I think I’m going to lose something, when I’m hurt or afraid. I shut down and expect the worst. It’s not right. Not directed at you. You’ve never let me down, and I just second-guessed everything you’ve shown to be true. Don’t let me push you away.”
“So brave.” He kissed her lips, then her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, and I misinterpreted your reaction. You keep opening yourself to me, keep proving to me that you trust me, but just like I might startle at a loud noise, you might shut down when you think your heart’s on the line. That’s self-preservation, not mistrust, and I will never be upset by you protecting yourself.” He lowered his head, meeting her lips. She immediately opened for him. Her hands began to roam over his body, and that was all it took for him to stiffen, ready to push inside and claim her again and again. It took every ounce of willpower he had left to pull back.
“This is why I don’t want to have this conversation in bed. This is the place we love each other. Where there’s pleasure or comfort or both. I never want to bring anything bad into this space. Nothing that will taint what we’ve shared here.”
Her eyes went to the bedside clock, then back to him. His cock throbbed when he realized why she was checking the time.
“We have an hour and a half. Maybe just—”
“Don’t say it, baby. I’m already struggling not to flip you onto your hands and knees.”
Her pupils swelled and her nipples hardened against his chest. “Fuck,” he growled. “I see you like that idea, and you’ll get it. Straight up anything you want, but not when we’re walking into a potentially hazardous situation. Up and out, you little fiend.” He pushed back onto his knees and brought her up with him. She gave him a cute pout, and reluctantly stood and started searching for her discarded clothes.
“I put your clothes in the wash and transferred them into the dryer this morning. They should be done.” He stood up and walked into the hall.
“Not fair,” she called, and he grinned. He could still feel her eyes on his bare ass. Sex still on his mind, he went two doors down. Whoever had designed the second-floor laundry room had his gratitude. He retrieved her clothes and went back into the bedroom.
“That looks like it’s going to be a problem. Are you sure you don’t—”
“Killing me.” He swatted her bottom and she shrieked playfully, running into the bathroom.
When he heard the faucet start to run all of the blood went straight to his dick. He glanced at the clock, then at the closed bathroom door. “Fuck it,” he muttered and stalked into the bathroom, a smile on his face.
*
A half hour later, Hannah sat boneless in his lap. He’d made the right decision going into the bathroom. He’d never had someone drive him to the edge by lathering him up with soap. Then she’d dropped to her knees under the spray and proceeded to once again strip him of brain cells. When he could no longer take the torture he’d lifted her to her feet and taken her against the tile wall. He’d held off the conversation as long as possible, but she had to know before they boarded their red-eye that her family might be keeping a terrible secret.
“What do you know about Russell’s uncle?” He felt her brace and regret filled him.
“An okay guy.” She shrugged, a wary look in her eyes. “Struggled quite a bit. Why do you ask?”
“After Russell’s death, he went to law enforcement claiming your family had something to hide. That they were at fault for the accident.” He held on as her body went rigid in his arms. The color leached from her face.
“And you think it’s true?” Her voice was breathless.
“I’m not sure, but what I do know is that Russell’s uncle dropped the charges. He sold his home in Texas and moved to an oceanside estate in Florida. Then the state police got a new fleet of cruisers with a large grant gifted by a company your father had purchased.” All the breath whooshed from her lungs and she jumped off his lap.
“I have to move.” She paced the living room, one arm crossed over her stomach like she might double over, the other in a fist over her mouth. “What else?”
“That’s all we have right now. The team has contacts digging. Trying to see if there are other explanations for Russell’s uncle’s sudden wealth or if the grant money was something planned before your father bought up that company.” He was used to being in control of a situation. Of lightening even the most seemingly hopeless scenarios. Right now, though? He was utterly helpless. Hannah wasn’t one to be coddled. Pulling her down into his lap to comfort her wouldn’t help right now, not with agitation rolling off of her in torrents.
“Nothing about the situation was right,” she muttered into her closed fist. He wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or the comment was meant for herself.
“How so?” He shifted, planting his feet on the floor.
“Russell loved the water, but he’d never been out on a boat. Certainly never went fishing. He didn’t eat meat. Anything that came from an animal. It broke his heart to think about anything suffering, so why the hell was he out on that boat?”
“What about Russell’s parents?”
She paused, staring out the window. “They died when he was young. A car accident.”
He wasn’t sure what was going on, but there seemed to be a lot of death in Russell’s family even before he got involved with Hannah. “So Russell’s uncle adopted him?”
“He was his only living relative.” She moved in short, jerky steps. “His grandparents had passed, and he’d had an aunt who was killed in a burglary.”
He mentally cataloged what Hannah was saying. He’d need to update Silver and the team. “That’s a lot of heartbreak for one family.”
“That was something that impressed me about him. So many terrible things had happened in his life but he still remained a kind person.” She wrapped both hands around her waist, still walking back and forth, stopping every so often to glance at him.
“Do you remember anything going on in your family when this happened? Their reaction to your pregnancy or his death?” He hated to bring her back to that time and place. Would love to think that her own family wouldn’t be a threat during a wedding, but he couldn’t. Not after everything their team had been through.
“They were ashamed. My father said nothing. He went into his office and slammed the door, literally and figuratively. That was the last time we had a conversation. Even when I go back to Texas for my dreaded once-a-year visit, we barely talk. I put a dent in their perfect reputation. I don’t think I’ll ever be forgiven for that.”
“And your mother?”
Her posture loosened and she seemed to fold into herself. As much as she put on a tough fa?ade, her family had wounded her in so many ways. Not for the first time was he thankful he’d been put on three months of medical leave. He wanted to be by Hannah’s side during this. Not telling them off immediately was going to be a serious challenge. Hannah was strong and loyal. Compassionate and beautiful. They’d messed up bad letting her walk away. “Where my father was silent in his shame, my mother steamrolled me. Asked me not to go through with the pregnancy. She said we could terminate it and no one had to know, not even Russell. She was furious that I’d told him before my family. God, she’d dangled anything and everything in front of me to try to convince me to change my mind, like material things were worth more than the child I hadn’t met but already loved.”
That was interesting. Hannah’s mom had tried to bribe her. “If the police start asking questions, they might feel backed into a corner. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I wanted you to have this information before we boarded the flight.”
She silently continued to pace, clearly processing the information he’d given her. “My parents are cold. They care about their status and wealth above all else. Maybe I’m being na?ve, but I think murder is beyond their scope. In their eyes, the damage was already done. What did they have to gain by killing Russell? They still had a pregnant, unwed daughter who refused to walk the path they’d laid out.”
Sometimes anger was the only motivator someone needed, but she was handling enough information without adding that to the fold, too.
“Thank you for telling me. I hope the police do ask questions. If they had anything to do with Russell’s death I want the truth—and justice to be served. As for this being a potentially dangerous situation, nothing would happen to overshadow this wedding. There is way too much riding on it. My parents have no idea that I know about the closed investigation, and they won’t unless I decide to confront them, and—”
“Hannah.” He hadn’t meant for his voice to sound so sharp, but damn if fear wasn’t a living, breathing beast inside his chest. “You are not going to tell them you know. And you’re not going to be snooping around for information or clues. Please, baby. Promise me. The thought of you putting yourself in danger because you want to know the truth makes my blood run cold.”
She paused and leveled her gaze at him across the room. “I can’t promise that, Hunter. I understand why they didn’t tell me, because what would they say? ‘Oh, by the way, at one point, we were being questioned as suspects in your boyfriend’s murder.’ I respect your position. Love that you don’t want me hurt, but this is my family and they kept something huge from me. I should be hearing it from them, and yet I have to hear it over a decade later from someone else. They betrayed me once. I let that go and give them their once-per-year visit for Collin’s sake. Not for the love or nurturing he receives. They don’t get to witness all of the charming aspects that make Collin such a wonderful human, especially seeing them on such a limited basis.”
“That’s something I still don’t understand. They treat you like shit. And with how they need everything and everyone to fall in line with their warped version of perfection, they don’t really seem like the type to embrace neurodiversity. Why do you still visit at all?” He paused, waiting for her response as silence ballooned in the room.
“It’s…” She took a breath and seemed to contemplate her next words. “Something I struggle with.” Hannah wrung her hands together, and pain lodged in his throat. He hated seeing her look so uncertain and ashamed. His Hannah was vibrant and strong. Brave. “One of the reasons I was so quick to accuse you of using Collin to get close to me. My father contacted me out of the blue when Collin was three years old. At that point, I hadn’t spoken with him since before I left the estate. He said the family was ashamed of how they treated me and wanted to give the relationship a chance. I didn’t understand at the time that they were using Collin.”
His stomach twisted. “Explain that, Hannah, because you are his biggest supporter, his advocate. I know you wouldn’t allow anyone to form a relationship with Collin who didn’t have his best interests at heart.”
She shook her head, still clenching her hands together in front of her. “I have a great job where I can help people. I make decent living, but I’m on my own, and it’s hard to save extra money for anything, let alone setting aside funds for Collin in the event that I die or have a medical emergency—something my parents were more than happy to hammer home. They said if something ever happened to me, they’d support Collin without hesitation…but they couldn’t support a child they didn’t know. They only asked for one visit a year. At the end of the first trip, Father had an affluent business prospect over for dinner and right away I realized why he wanted to mend the relationship with me and Collin. The potential client had a brother on the spectrum and was heavily involved in raising funds for autism awareness. The man had barely taken a step in the door before my father introduced Collin. Despite how angry I was, I couldn’t get past the question of who would care for him if something happened to me. If I was hurt and lost my income…shit. I hate subjecting him to those visits, but if I died, they’d take care of him financially. At least, I believed they would.” There was a stubborn tilt to her chin. A defiance he respected. The afternoon light filtered through the living room windows, catching the fire in her hair, still slightly damp and mussed from where his hands had been fisted in the thick strands.
“Hannah.” His voice broke, then he braced his hands on his knees and stood. “It guts me that you’ve been so alone, and I wish I’d asked you sooner about your reasons for visiting. That’s fucked.” His muscles knotted when she looked away. He was messing this up. There was nothing he faulted her for, but her family had his peripheral vison blurring with anger. “And not because you were trying make a plan for Collin. That’s a heavy thought to carry—what will happen to your child when you’re gone, especially if that child belongs to a vulnerable population. I wish I’d asked, because I understand more than you know. My parents have had similar conversations about my sister. What she’ll do without their emotional support. I’ve tried my best to reassure them I will make sure she continues to get the help she needs. To recognize those times when she’s spiraling. Hannah, understanding the why only makes me respect you more, but it also makes me despise your parents. How did they find out about Collin’s diagnosis?”
“I’m guessing Vivi,” she said. “She’d never mention it maliciously or to try to help Father in his business dealings. She can be self-absorbed but she’s never been unkind. She probably asked them to reach out and offer their support but not for the wrong reasons. I think if it weren’t for my mother’s aspirations for her, we might’ve been close.” A shadow fell over her face.
“It’s not too late.” God, how he wanted that for her, because he could see how badly she wanted that relationship with her sister. She might not mourn the frayed ties with her parents and Regina any longer, but when she talked about her litter sister, longing for that familial connection was apparent.
She angled her body so they were fully facing. Hannah wasn’t masking her emotions, but letting him see all those hollow, painful feelings she held locked inside. Woven between the rejection of her family and uncertainty for the future was the stubbornness he loved so much. Hannah had given up a life of luxury to protect the baby growing inside her. He could picture her squaring her shoulders and arguably taking the hardest path laid in front of her. That was Hannah. A woman he was proud to belong to. “I trust your judgment. I trust that you can handle yourself.” He advanced toward her. “What I don’t trust is other people’s reactions when they are backed into a corner.”
Erasing the space between them, he enveloped her. She melted into him, and that trust made him feel ten feet tall. “Remember those big feelings you were talking about? Well, I think I mentioned I’m falling. Hard. I’m scared, but not of the relationship we’re building. I’m scared of losing someone precious. You are precious to me, Han. You’re mine. Collin is mine. I’m not prepared to think about losing you, but you have to know I will take care of him, and I’ll do it without a dime of your family’s money, with no strings attached. That once-per-year visit? If you don’t get enjoyment from that, if Collin doesn’t, then that’s over for both of you. You don’t need to have a last resort, because I’ll always put you first.”
When he was finished, he had to suck in a breath. Her hands framed his face. Such a simple gesture that was becoming an addiction. No woman had ever touched him reverently, and it made him feel cared for in a way he’d never experienced. He’d given her soft words just now. Ones that he felt straight to his soul. It was just dawning on him that she’d been doing the same, only with actions. The way she gazed up at him, eyes focused solely on his. The way she conceded to his request not to broach the subject of the investigation with her parents. Those were the ways Hannah was putting him first. Another novel experience for him. Yes, he’d grown up in a loving family but he’d always been the second thought. There simply wasn’t enough time or energy to manage him, his sister, and her bipolar disorder. He understood it. Didn’t hold it against anyone, but there it was.
“I won’t confront them. Not without you.” Her eyes had softened, so warm and earnest it stole his breath. He closed his lids and pressed his forehead to hers. She continued tracing his face with featherlight strokes.
He leaned back, kissing her temple. “You should know I’m not going to be the only one at your back,” he murmured.
Her hands dropped to the front of his shirt, and she nudged her palms against his chest. “What do you mean?” she said, eyes wary.
“Silver and a veteran buddy of ours, Iron, are coming.”
“Why?” Her nose wrinkled in confusion. Adorable.
“Because you and Collin are part of the fold, and we take care of our own. Because my team saw the change in me the night we met. If the unexpected happens or it’s all too much, I feel a hell of a lot better having three other adults who can help you get Collin somewhere safe. Plus, we still don’t know about your little sister. How far will your parents go to ensure this union happens?”
“All the way down the aisle.” Hannah’s hand left his shirt, and she pinched the bridge of her nose. “They can be very influential when they want to be. Fortunately, Vivi has been privy to that her entire life.”
All the pent-up tension in his shoulders and back deflated. She wouldn’t shut him out. She’d trust him to have her back and that was everything. “Let’s go get Collin. Then we’ve got a flight to catch.”