Chapter Sixteen
Jolene
F ive days. Five days without Beau Calhoun, and I'm a fucking wreck.
Rieka and Kenina are goddesses, working their magic on my broken brain and providing me with the right teas and remedies to ward off the panic attacks and dreams so I could finally get some sleep. I woke up feeling like a new person today until I remembered that Beau still hasn't reached out to me.
Mama and Nana banned me from the B&B around day three, which means I've been stuck at my house, all up in my head.
I could call Sammie, but she'd probably tell me to get over myself and go get my man. I just can't do that, though. Maybe I'm stubborn, but I want Beau to come to me. If he's coming to me, then I know it’s of his own free will. I’d go to Thatch, but he’d just tell me to take my mopey ass home or fix shit with his friend, so he’d be no help either.
I'm about to head out with Rogue to check the fences when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I gasp when I see Beau's name displayed. I swear my heart stops beating for a minute while I build up enough courage to see what he has to say.
Beau: Hey, Joey girl. I know it's been a minute, but I needed some time to wrap my head around a few things. I was wondering if you would be up to talking this evening? Your place or mine. Doesn't matter to me as long as I get to see you.
A relieved breath whooshes out of my lungs as I read Beau's message a second and then a third time.
He wants to meet me tonight, he called me Joey girl, and he said he needs to see me.
Those are all good signs, right?
Damn it, why'd I have to go and piss Nana off to the point she won't talk to me? I could really use her advice right now.
Fuck it. I'll just channel her while I respond.
Jolene: You're damn straight it's been a minute, but I'm glad you want to talk. I can come to you if that's alright? Say, 7:30?
Beau: That'll be perfect. Coop misses you just about as much as I do.
Ugh, this man using his dog to play on my already frayed emotions is not fair at all.
Jolene: Alright, I'll see ya then.
There have been very few times I resented owning and running my farm, but today is one of them.
It's only the afternoon, but I'm dying to get this day done so I can go see Beau.
It's as if the hours drag as I tend to my animals and crops.
At least everyone leaves me alone since I've been in such a foul mood lately.
After the evening chores are done, I race home.
I know Beau loves me as I am, but I can't help but take a little extra time getting ready.
My clothes aren't anything over the top, but I know they'll drive Beau wild.
I have my black cutoffs and an old Taking Back Sunday t-shirt that is distressed from years of wear and tear.
I pair them with my black cowgirl boots and call it good.
I made a little effort adding product to help tame my otherwise wild wavy hair and threw on some mascara.
Grabbing my keys off the entryway table, I jump off the porch and head towards my garage.
I haven’t ridden my motorcycle in a while, but with fall fast approaching, tonight's the perfect night for her.
She's a sleek black-on-black Harley Street Glide that purrs just right when I let her loose on the winding roads of Aspen Hollow.
It takes me no time to get to Beau's. I'm unsurprised to see him standing on his front porch, arms crossed over his chest, one ankle over the other, leaning on the railing as I pull up. My girl's not quiet, so I'm sure he heard me coming a mile away.
Beau shakes his head at me in exasperation. "Why am I not surprised in the least that you're the one tearing down the road on that death trap?"
His smirk melts my heart where I stand, and it takes everything in me not to launch myself at him.
"Come here, Joey girl."
With a crook of his finger and that smile I love so much, my control snaps.
I drop my helmet by my bike and sprint towards Beau. I skip a step or two before leaping into his embrace. One strong arm lifts my ass while the other winds around my back and threads in my hair. My lips seek out Beau's, but he stops me, his grip firmly holding me in place.
"One kiss, then we talk. Okay?"
"Ok—"
Beau's mouth slams on mine, devouring my words.
He said one kiss, but he didn't say it needed to be quick. True to us, we fight for dominance. It's not until we're forced to pull apart, both desperate for air, that I truly believe we're going to be okay.
I'm just about to tell Beau how much I've missed him when Cooper busts through the door and barrels into Beau's legs, sending Beau stumbling into the porch railing.
"Get down, you brute."
I can't help but laugh at Beau's faked annoyance and Coop's determination to get to me.
Sliding out of Beau's arms, I lower to the porch and am tackled by the overexcited pup. "Hi, buddy. I've missed you too. Who's the goodest boy there ever was? You are. Yes, you are." I love and rub Cooper as he barks and licks me wherever he can reach.
"Alright, that's enough. Give me my girl back." Beau bends down and scoops me up. I expect him to set me back on my feet, but he carries me into the house and to the couch. He sits down beside me, turning so that we're facing each other.
I know it's time to talk when the smile slides from his face and he squares his shoulder.
"First off, thank you for giving me time to process.
I hated not seeing or talking to you, but I needed it to come to terms with everything.
I know I probably should've talked to you about what I've learned, but I wanted to make sure I had my wits about me when we finally got here.
And while we might not have been in communication, I've had Nana and Thatch helping me sift through everything. "
"What?" I gasp. I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am.
I know Beau and Thatcher are best friends, but I half expected that if the two of them ended up alone, Thatch would give Beau a shiner—or worse—for walking out of the barn that night.
Nana and Beau talking doesn't surprise me as much since the woman can't help but meddle even if nobody asks her to.
Regardless, I'm glad he had them both to turn to.
"Umm, well, obviously Nana told me a lot in the barn, but after the fire at Ricky's, and hearing Calli and Hank were seeking refuge on the farm, I had to check in.
It was like Nana knew I was coming when I pulled up even though it was well after midnight.
She met me on her back porch in her rocking chair with a glass of whiskey. "
"Ah, those are some of my favorite nights with Nana. That's when she spills her best advice."
"I didn't realize how much I needed to talk to someone until I was a glass in and feeling a hell of a lot better than I had when I left earlier that night."
"Good. I'm glad she was there for you. Did Thatch take a swing at you when the two of you talked? I didn't get called to bail him out of jail, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't try if he thought you deserved it."
"Nah, he handled me showing up at the hardware store much better than I’d expected him to. I had already made up my mind about coming to talk to you, but hashing stuff out with Thatcher gave me some much needed clarity."
"Alright, and what exactly did he clear up for you?"
"That there is no doubt in my mind that I'm in love with you and couldn't walk away even if I tried."
"Y-you're in love with me?" I splutter as I try to imagine how could he love me after everything he's found out.
"Yes, crazy girl, I'm in love with you. And if I had to bet, I'd say you love me too."
"I do. So fucking much. But what about—"
"That's where I've had some clarity. I don't know if you're going to like this, but with every relationship, there comes a time when you have to compromise—"
"I will not change who I am, Beau Calhoun." My spine snaps straight as my arms cross my chest in defiance.
"I'm not asking you to change, Joey girl. Can you please just listen for a minute?" Beau gently untucks my arms but never lets go of my hand.
"Fine," I huff out, afraid I'm going to regret this.
"You know we morally align on so many levels, but the ways we execute helping those in need are vastly different.
All I'm asking is that if you get a tip of someone in a bad situation in my town, give me a chance to make it right.
Let me see if I can do it the right way before you take risks that, frankly, scare the fuck out of me. "
"Beau, I—"
Beau silences me with a quick kiss, then dives right back in.
"I know you're capable and that the other night was a fluke, but do you not understand what it would do to me if I lost you for any reason?
You were fucking shot, Jolene. When I made it to the barn, I watched you pass out, pale as a ghost in front of my eyes, only to discover you had been shot.
Can you imagine what that was like for me?
" Beau’s voice is gruff as his anguish bleeds through, matching the pain in his eyes.
If the situation was reversed, I'd probably lose my shit. I can't even begin to fathom my life without Beau, nor would I want to. "I'm sorry, Beau. That must've been awful."
"It was fucking hell, Jo. But what was even worse was being the only one taken aback by what was happening. The woman I'm in love with was all but bleeding out on her barn floor, and nobody seemed surprised. In fact, everyone acted like it was an everyday occurrence. Then to have everything dumped on me the way it was, it was just too much.” Beau’s voice cracks, and I can’t stand it.
I squeeze his hand, reminding him I’m here and safe.