21. Mckenna
TWENTY-ONE
MCKENNA
“Son of a bitch,” Dad’s voice bellows through my closed bedroom door.
I force my eyes open and sit up in bed.
“I really thought he had his shit together,” Dad continues.
“He’s hurting too,” Jeannie’s voice is softer.
She’s more compassionate than Dad and I combined.
“But that’s my baby girl in there.”
“I know,” Jeannie’s voice drifts away.
My baby girl. Dad cares about me, in his own way.
The confirmation soothes some of my panic and I reach for my phone on the nightstand.
My heart leaps into my throat as my eyes scan the messages, the news headlines, popping up on my screen.
There are too many. They appear too quickly to absorb.
Nova
What the fuck?
Are you okay?
Ivy
Kenny, there’s always two sides to every story.
My heart stutters, and I straighten in bed.
My fingers begin to tremble.
Headline: Tate Marriage on the Rocks
I blink rapidly, trying to keep my tears at bay.
Allegra
Don’t jump to conclusions.
Derek’s at the brownstone.
I’m coming over.
Nova
I didn’t see this coming.
I hate the media.
What happened?
Headline: Maverick Tate Loves a Bender
Oh.
Oh, shit.
My stomach twists, and my heart sinks.
Is Mav okay?
A pang cuts through my chest.
Did I push him to disappear and party for days on end?
Is he hurt? Coherent?
Bile rises in my throat as panic twists my stomach.
I told him I wanted a break; I pushed him away.
Again and again.
And still, he showed up for me.
He may have ignored my wants, but I never doubted the purity of his intentions.
I care about you more than anything, Mckenna.
But I’m not willing to let this shit with Bran slide.
I’m not going to look the other way while you mentally catch up.
He’s a fucking threat and I won’t let him hurt you again.
Headline: Is this the end of Mavenna?
Mavenna? I wrinkle my nose.
That’s tragic.
I suck in an inhale but can’t seem to fill my lungs.
My phone rings, and when I see Allegra’s name, I swipe to answer.
“Hello?” I gasp.
“Don’t freak out,” she warns.
I close my eyes and flop back against my pillows.
“Take a deep breath,” Allegra’s voice is calm.
Steady.
I draw another inhale and press my palm against my heart as if that will ease its gallop.
“You’re okay, Kenny.”
“What happened?” I wonder, trying to process the information that I know, in my gut, in my veins, is true.
Mav moved on. I pushed him to move on.
I hurt him when all he’s ever tried to do is protect me.
“He went on a bender. It’s been days, and none of the guys could reach him. I know you two weren’t speaking, and I didn’t want to worry you, Kenny. But it’s bad.”
“Oh,” I say softly.
I didn’t try to reach him.
I thought he was angry with me.
Or respecting my wishes.
It never crossed my mind that he went off the rails.
That I pushed him off the damn rails.
“How is he?”
“Fucked up,” she admits.
“There was a lot of drugs. A lot of drinking.”
“A lot of women,” I fill in the blank.
“No.” She sighs. “I mean, yes, there were women present along with men at the brownstone but don’t even go there. Mav wasn’t even coherent and everything he did say circled back to how much he loves you.”
I blink back the tears that swell in my eyes.
Maverick loves me, he has from the beginning.
And I took that love for granted.
“Seriously, Kenny. He couldn’t even say his name,” Allegra says.
“Derek and the guys are at the house. Derek said it was swarming with strangers, and everyone was coked up or strung out.”
“Jesus,” I mutter, trying to picture the brownstone—my home for the past few months—as a scene in a rave.
“He stole a boat.”
“What?” I sit straight up, my eyebrows lifting.
“He stole... That doesn’t sound like Mav.”
“He’s not in a good place, Kenny.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“It’s not your fault. I just pulled up to your dad’s.”
“I’ll be down in a second.” I end the call and force myself from bed.
I tug on a hoodie and move to the front door.
Allegra is already on the other side.
I pull the door open, and she draws me into a hug.
The second her arms are around me, I collapse.
Now that she’s here, the dam breaks.
The tears surge. My shoulders shake, and my fingers twist in the material of Allegra’s fleece as I sob.
I hear my father enter the room.
Then, the retreat of his footsteps as he lets me fall apart privately, with only my best friend as a witness.
The same best friend I stepped up for when she faced challenges with Derek.
There’s no embarrassment with Allegra; I’m free to react how I feel.
Right now, I feel heartbroken.
Devastated. And guilty as hell.
“I pushed him away,” I confess.
“You asked him for space.”
I shake my head.
“I made him leave. And then, I yelled at him. I told him I wanted a break.”
“Shh.” Allegra hugs me tighter.
“A, I broke his heart.” Another wave of tears hits me.
“You guys are going to get through this,” Allegra says comfortingly.
“You’re both too broken up about things to pretend this isn’t real, Kenny. Whatever it is between you and Mav, it’s real.”
“I love him.”
“I know you do.”
“I was so wrapped up in my own head, in my own feelings, that I never considered what this was doing to Maverick. He was trying to protect me, to help me, and I pushed him away because, why? It wasn’t the type of help I wanted?” I toss out an arm, furious with myself for not seeing how much Maverick struggled with the idea of losing me.
With the obsession of keeping me safe.
Allegra sighs. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to go to the brownstone.”
“Now?” Her eyes widen.
“Will you drive?”
“Of course. But I don’t know if it’s the best time. He’s?—”
“I need to see him, Allegra.”
My friend regards me warily for a long moment.
“Okay. Yeah. If that’s what you want.”
“Thank you. Just give me a minute to get dressed. And tell my dad.” I point at her.
“Don’t warn him. Don’t call Derek. Just let me confront this head on. I need to know if there’s a chance that we can move past this...or if it’s over. God, I never thought it could truly be over, but now...”
“Now?”
I roll my lips together and swear.
“I hurt him, A.”
“But you also love him.”
“Sometimes, that’s not enough.”
Allegra sighs again.
“Are you sure you want to do this? The band is there. Aiden and Jess. Probably Kimberly. There’s talk of rehab and an intervention. This?—”
“Then I should be there too.”
I need to be there for Mav.
To show up for him, the way he always has for me.
Can we salvage this?
Or did I light the match that Mav used to burn it all down?
I dress quickly, tugging on jeans and a Boston University hoodie.
I twist my hair back and slip on sunglasses since I look dreadful.
When I knock on Dad’s office door, he gives me an understanding look.
“I can take care of it,” he offers.
I shake my head. “I need to do this.”
“You sure you know what you’re doing?” Dad lifts an eyebrow.
His expression is carefully neutral, but I hear the curiosity burning in his words.
“Mav seemed...really torn up when you left his house the other day. That boy is head over heels in love with you, Kenny.”
“I love him too, Dad.”
“I know you do.”
I clear my throat.
“I’ll be home later.”
Dad stares at me before nodding.
“Be safe. And Mckenna?”
“Yeah?”
“The great loves in life, they’re hard-earned. They’re fought for. Sacrificed over. Just remember that.”
I frown, taken aback by his words.
“Why didn’t you fight for Mom and me then?”
His expression slips, and I note the pain in his eyes.
“I wish I had fought harder for you, Kenny. For my relationship with you. And your mom, well, I don’t know how else to say this other than the truth.”
I wait.
“She wasn’t the great love of my life.”
His words land like a sucker punch.
But once I think about it, it doesn’t seem surprising.
“Is it Jeannie?”
“I care for Jeannie greatly and I love being with her. She makes me happy,” Dad says carefully.
“But the great love of my life…that was a long time ago. Her name was Isabel.”
“Isabel,” I murmur.
“She passed away years ago.” Dad watches me curiously before shaking his head.
“I’ll tell you the story one day. But you need to go.”
“Right,” I agree, turning around and leaving his office.
Allegra’s waiting by the door, and we slip out together, hurrying through the cold into her car.
We drive silently to the brownstone, listening to music, lost in our thoughts.
Security mills about when we pull up to the house, keeping reporters, paparazzi, and fans at bay.
The head of security, Drew, knows us and immediately hustles us inside while Alfred takes the car keys to park Allegra’s ride.
We enter the front door, and the commotion unfolding inside greets us.
“Why the fuck are you still here?” Jameson bellows at a cluster of strangers.
“I need a cup of coffee,” comes from a voice I can’t place.
“This is a PR nightmare,” a woman—Kim?
—deduces.
“Did you take anything this morning?” Derek asks.
There’s no response, and I step into the living room.
Many sets of eyes swing in my direction.
Jameson looks horrified.
Levi, sympathetic. Derek’s frustrated, but his gaze is still trained on Mav.
Mav. He looks...like a trainwreck.
Messy blond hair sticks up in different directions.
His eyes are bloodshot.
His skin is sickly pale.
He’s shirtless, clad only in a pair of sweat-shorts.
“Fuck, you’re hot!” A man I don’t recognize stands from the couch.
Derek grasps him by the neck and forcibly pushes him back down.
“Sit the fuck down,” he seethes.
“I just want to dance!” A woman sways in a corner, her arms reaching out overhead.
She’s wearing a... bikini top?
And cut-off shorts.
“Um, I’m here for her,” another woman says, pointing to the dancer.
“Get your friend and get out,” Levi barks.
Holy shit, the brownstone is trashed.
I take in the scene before me and can hardly believe that this was—is—my home.
I grasp the back of a chair for support as my knees wobble.
My heartbeat thuds in my temples as a clamminess spreads through my limbs.
Allegra wraps an arm around my waist in solidarity.
Mav stares at me in awe.
As if he can’t believe he’s seeing me.
As if he doesn’t trust that this is real.
“Mckenna,” he rasps, his voice scratchy.
“You’re here.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jameson mutters.
“Kenny, hey,” Aiden says, stepping into the living room with a mug of coffee.
“Christ, Mckenna, I miss you. You’re so beautiful. So fucking perfect,” Mav babbles as if we’re alone.
As if this isn’t a messed-up situation.
As if he isn’t coked out of his mind.
“I love you, Mckenna. I love you so much,” Mav says, right before his eyes roll back in his head and he slumps onto the couch.
“Maverick!” I yell, reaching for him.
Jameson calls me back as Levi hops into action.
In minutes, the place is swarming with EMTs.
An ambulance siren cuts the air.
Mav is lifted onto a stretcher and taken out of the house.
I watch the scene unfold as disbelief swims in my veins.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I kneel on the floor, my arms still outstretched, and watch as my husband is ripped away from me.