22. Mav
TWENTY-TWO
MAV
She looks like an angel.
Salvation.
Everything I ever wanted and will never fucking deserve.
My Mckenna looks at me with heartache woven through her navy eyes.
Like I wrecked her.
I squint as if I’m staring through a kaleidoscope.
Bursts of bright colors, but the patterns are all wrong.
Everything is fucking wrong.
“Mckenna,” I say, trying to smile.
“Sir, lie back,” a man responds.
There’s a gentle pressure on my shoulder, keeping me pinned down.
I close my eyes.
There’s my beauty.
Spinning in an emerald-green dress in front of a fountain.
Her sparkly diamond ring throws the moonlight, and the smile on her face is pure joy.
Brushing her wet hair out of her eyes in front of a waterfall.
A string bikini hugs her curves, and the serenity that emanates from her is all-encompassing.
Her hunched frame, clinging to me in the dark, after a nightmare.
Her shirt sticks to her back with sweat, and she nuzzles into me, pressing her lips to the side of my neck.
Her anger, temper flaring, eyes wild.
“Do you not care what I want? I don’t need you to rescue me. I can rescue myself! At least, I’d like to think I can. To prove it to myself. And you keep taking that away from me.”
I keep taking things away from her.
I hurt my beauty, and it cuts me up from the inside out.
“I meant what I said, Maverick. I want a break. Don’t follow me.”
And then, I lost her.
“He’s coding!” a voice hollers.
Does it matter anymore?
Does anything matter if I lost her?
“I love you, Mckenna,” I say, needing her to understand they’re the most genuine words I’ve ever spoken.
I love you.
My mind spins.
Pieces snap into place.
Dark night and the whip of salty spray across my cheeks.
Bright colors and the thrum of a nightclub.
Perfect lines of white powder.
The intense burn of whiskey.
Sweet cigarette smoke.
My stomach clenches, and my mind whirls.
Women. So many women.
But I flick them away like gnats because.
..none of them are my angel.
None of them are my Mckenna.
My wife.
I fucking love her.
But I already lost her.
I hurt her. I’m not worthy of her.
Something in my chest rips wide open, and agony fills the cavity.
I lost my angel because I broke her fucking heart.
Even though I swore to protect it.