Jacob
From:
Olivia_Jackson@
Re:Re:
Hello
Wow, sounds like a thrilling time. Do you think he’s miserable because he eats so much chocolate or he eats so much chocolate because he’s miserable?
Either way, sounds like you two are having a ball.
I, on the other hand, have been laid up in bed after an extremely dodgy dinner including what can only be described as the worst stuffed paratha and curry in the world.
Am I blaming you for encouraging me to find one?
No. But am I ever touching one again … also no!
The Taj was incredible – honestly, more magical than I could have ever imagined. Have you been?
I hope you’re doing well over there and maintaining your blood sugars in spite of Kushal and his candy.
Yours, rather queasily, Olivia x
To:
Olivia_Jackson@
Re:Re:Re:
Hello
No!!!! I am so sorry to hear you got sick, although in the same breath I will also say congratulations – you’ve gone through
the rite of passage all good travellers experience. You’re lucky yours was fairly tame – my first (yes, there have been multiple) was during an eleven-hour train journey. I’ll say no more. Is the lady still in Jaipur or has she ticked that off the list and moved on?
I am
STILL
in Delhi, much to my increasing frustration, but what can I do? I roll again soon, so keep all those fingers crossed we get some movement. I’ve been working hard with Kushal to swap at least one chocolate bar for a piece of fruit … it’s not gone down well. Alas, we try!
Yours, most ready to move on already, Jacob x
From:
Olivia_Jackson@
Re:Re:Re:Re:
Hello
I have indeed moved on and am coming to you all the way from Jodhpur (not to make you jealous or anything!).
The rest of Jaipur was great. Even though I had to take it a little slower, I got to see everything I wanted to and even made a new friend (I think you would love her!), so we did a lot of it together.
Now I’m solo again and trying to enjoy the desert life.
Have you been before? If so, any recommendations for places to eat?
I am clearly not a very good judge of restaurant character.
I’m sorry ‘the universe’ is keeping you stuck, but maybe you’re being held there to support Kushal on his path to a nutritious and wholesome life. If so, maybe hurry up and do better so you can get out of Delhi and on to somewhere new!
Yours, still haunted by the thought of your eleven-hour train journey, Olivia x
To:
Olivia_Jackson@
Subject:
Eleven hours in toilet hell!
Hey! (Hope you like the new subject title – I thought I’d make sure you never forget about my rite of passage!) I can’t tell you how jealous I am that you’re in Jodhpur – I’ve never been, but it’s always intrigued me.
Mainly to see what camels are like up close and personal.
I hear they smell and they spit? Is this true? Can you confirm for me, please?
I’m glad you made a friend, although I am 100 per cent certain that they aren’t as incredibly humble, endearing and enjoyable to hang out with as me. We can’t all be perfect, I guess.
The Kushal Project is going much better, as I’ve now taken to eating at least two of the bars myself – short term it’s great, long term maybe not so much. Anyway, after the desert, where to, my intrepid explorer?
Yours, very much on a sugar high, Jacob x
From:
Olivia_Jackson@
Subject:
Camels suck
I think you can infer my thoughts on camels as a species from my subject title, but for clarity – yes, they smell and spit, sometimes directly into your eye (and no, I don’t want to talk about it).
I’ll just say I was quite glad to be rid of them and find myself in Udaipur, which so far is my favourite city. The lake is beautiful!
I have to say, I am concerned by your tactics when it comes to the Kushal Project – it wouldn’t be my approach, but then again, what were the chances of you and me being aligned in our thinking?
Just don’t make me re-route my plan to come and wean you both off the stuff; it’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
On that note, any news on if you’ll be leaving soon?
Yours, slightly worriedly, Olivia x
P.S. I totally forgot how incredibly self-deprecating you are, and your last email was a stark reminder of that, so thank you!
Jacob leant back in the creaking office chair and stretched his arms above his head.
He was filled with the same feeling he always had after reading one of Olivia’s emails: a silly, boyish playfulness and a strange sense of hope.
It flooded his entire body, right to the very tips of his fingers.
And sometimes it felt nice to just bask in it for a moment, before hurrying to reply.
‘You’ve got that stupid look on your face again,’ Kushal grunted, lifting his sleepy head from the desk, where it had been laid for the past fifteen minutes. ‘Let me guess, your girlfriend replied?’
‘For the fiftieth time’ – Jacob sat forward, the glorious feeling he had just been experiencing disappearing in a flash – ‘she’s not my girlfriend. But yes, she’s replied.’
‘I don’t know why you don’t just ask her to be.’
‘Oh Kushal, so young and so innocent, with so much to learn.’
The boy scowled, shooting Jacob a look of annoyance. ‘I hate it when you say stuff like that.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘No, you’re not.’
Jacob laughed, patting his friend’s thick shoulder affectionately. ‘I know, but sometimes you have to say it regardless.’
He turned his attention back to the screen, scrolling up through the messages he’d exchanged with Olivia over the past couple of weeks.
At first his replies were unintentionally staggered, but now, as time had gone on and the excitement of their conversation had built, he had to make a concerted effort to restrain himself.
The fact that he was even having a back-and-forth with someone should have been a red flag, but he’d managed to convince himself that it was harmless. Deep
down, they both knew their connection would fizzle out in about a month and turn to nothing. Her world was completely different from his, and there was nothing that would change that, especially not a couple of innocuous emails.
It was fine.
Everything was fine.
‘Are you going to reply, or can I have the computer back?’ Kushal asked. ‘I want to finish my game.’
Jacob’s fingers hesitated over the keyboard. He could respond now – there were enough things he wanted to share – or he could wait until he’d rolled his dice tomorrow and found out if he was staying or going.
‘You need to get out more – you know that, don’t you?’
‘Oi, can I have the computer back or not?’
‘Yes, yes, you can have it back – give me one second.’ Jacob clicked out of the conversation and back to his inbox.
He froze instantly.
‘Good, because honestly, if I lose another round against this idiot I’m playing, I’m going to go crazy!’ Kushal sighed, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a half-eaten chocolate bar. ‘I’m off my game and I don’t like it. You don’t fancy doing a two-on-one, do you? Me and you team up together?’
Jacob remained still, his eyes staring directly ahead.
‘Oi, Jacob?’ Kushal waved a hand in front of his face. ‘Are you there?’
‘Yeah …’ He spoke without paying attention to the words coming out. ‘Yeah, I’m here. I just …’ He leant forward in his seat. ‘I just need a bit longer.’
‘Man, you said you were done!’ The boy looked from the computer to Jacob and back again. ‘Is everything all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’
Jacob inched the mouse forward and clicked, ever so
cautiously, on the new message that had appeared so innocently and inconspicuously at the top of his mailbox.
From:
Andrew_Green@
STP
Subject:
Response required
ASAP
‘Something like that, yeah,’ he murmured, trying to focus on the words on the screen.
Jacob, I’ll get straight to the point. It’s been three months since your mother received a phone call from you, and quite frankly it’s not good enough.
I don’t need her harassing me for an update because you are too irresponsible to bother to call.
I got over my disappointment in you years ago, but apparently your mother is still clinging on to some hope you’re not the utterly selfish and careless human being that I know you to be.
Get in touch and make both our lives easier.
It took five painstaking read-throughs for the words to land fully, each one like a tiny grenade thrown at his soul.
‘Jacob, what’s happened?’
‘Let’s go out,’ he announced suddenly, exiting the browser and standing up so fast he practically knocked Kushal off his chair.
‘What?’
‘Come on, let’s go somewhere and get a drink,’ he insisted, the urgency in his voice verging on anger.
‘I can’t!’
‘Why not? All you’re planning to do is play your dumb video game!’ Jacob slammed his hand down hard on the desk. ‘Let’s do something fun for once, hey?’
‘I know, but technically I’m working.’ Kushal looked
distressed, like a puppy whose owner had suddenly turned on him. ‘I can’t leave here. My dad would kill me.’
Jacob bit down hard on the side of his cheek, the rage burning wildly inside him.
‘Yeah, well’ – he pushed past his empty chair and made his way towards the exit – ‘dads can go fuck themselves, if you ask me.’
*
It had been a long time since he’d visited a place like this.
A place where the lights were so low you could barely see a foot in front of you.
Where the drinks were always 70 per cent water, and a thick layer of dirt carpeted the surfaces.
It was a place where the lost and lonely came to drown their sorrows, and Jacob was already three beers in.
‘I’ll have another, please.’ He nodded at the barman, pushing his empty glass away.