Olivia
Not entirely, anyway.
She checked the time and felt her stomach plummet.
‘Shit.’ She jumped out of bed. ‘Cece is going to kill
me.’
Grabbing her T-shirt from the previous day and shoving it over her head, Olivia slipped on her sandals and made a dash for the studio.
Thankfully it was close by, and nobody cared what anyone looked like, because a fleeting glance in the mirror before she left told her that her hair needed a brush, and her clothes needed a wash.
However, she was praying that Cece still lived by her mantra ‘it’s not about what it looks like, it’s about what it feels like’.
As she approached the little shack, she could see her friend waiting for her on the steps.
‘Sorry! I am so sorry,’ she called, stumbling across the warming sand.
‘That’s OK’ – Cece waved her in – ‘I thought you might have overslept.’
‘No, I had plenty of time and then suddenly, I didn’t!’ She kicked off her shoes and ran inside. ‘I don’t know what happened.’
‘What happened was, you finally adjusted to Goa time.’ Cece laughed, closing the drapes behind them and following Olivia into the space.
The class was quite full, with only two spare mats available. Olivia knew Cece would make a comment if she didn’t choose the one in the front, so she picked her way across the platform, smiling and whispering hurried hellos to familiar faces.
‘Good. Now that everybody is here’ – Cece smirked – ‘I think we’re ready to begin.’
Olivia took a few deep breaths and tried to calm her
racing heart. Running to yoga probably wasn’t the best idea she’d ever had. Beads of sweat gathered along her hairline, as she desperately tried to cool her body temperature. How was it already roasting in here?
As ever, the chorus of thoughts chattered inside her head, and it took Olivia a moment to realize Cece had stopped midway through her routine introduction.
‘Hello? Can I help you?’ she asked, walking past Olivia to the back of the studio.
On cue, everyone turned their heads, eliciting a synchronized rustle of bodies. Olivia kept her gaze forward; she was having enough trouble willing her armpits to stop gushing water, without any further distraction.
‘Hey.’ A man’s voice drifted through the studio, causing every cell in Olivia’s body to contract. ‘I didn’t mean to interrupt.’
If Olivia’s body was hot before, it was now on fire.
‘That’s OK – are you here for the class?’ Cece’s voice was quieter now, but Olivia could still pick out every word.
‘If that’s all right?’ the man spoke again, louder now. ‘I know I’m a bit late.’
It can’t be.
But Olivia knew that sound. A sound that made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle, and the ends of her fingers tingle. A sound that sent a rush of shooting stars flying through her centre. A sound that she never thought she’d hear again.
‘That’s fine. Come in and take that mat at the back – we were just about to get started.’ The padding of Cece’s footsteps grew louder. ‘What’s your name, by the way?’
Olivia didn’t dare breathe.
‘I’m Jacob.’
At that, she finally caved, whipping her head round to lock eyes with his, liquid liquorice piercing through her.
‘Hey,’ he mouthed at her.
But she couldn’t respond. Her brain had gone into full meltdown, the world pulled like a rug beneath her feet, throwing her off kilter completely. There were now so many thoughts in her head that it was simply white noise.
‘So, back to what I was saying …’ Cece restarted her speech, forcing Olivia to finally tear her eyes away from Jacob and turn back to the front, one thought now breaking through the blur of the others, growing louder and more prominent with every beat of her heart.
He’s here.
He’s really and truly here.
*
It had been hard to concentrate on anything Cece was saying for the rest of the class, when she knew that Jacob was less than ten metres away from her.
There was so much adrenaline coursing through her veins that she was anxious to get out of every pose the second they moved into it.
She knew there was no chance in hell she’d be able to relax in Savasana.
Even Cece had noticed something was up, coming to check on her repeatedly and asking if she was all right.
Olivia did not want to draw even more attention to herself, so she blithely nodded and carried on trying to balance on one leg, feeling Jacob’s eyes following her every move.
By the time class was over, she was exhausted.
‘Thank you, everyone. Please be respectful to those around you still coming back to the space. If you could fold your mats away and tidy your area. I’ll hopefully see you again tomorrow morning.’
Olivia, normally the last to leave, was on her feet before Cece had even finished speaking.
‘Are you all right? You seemed distracted today.’ Cece eyed her as though an answer would reveal itself with a look.
‘He’s here.’ Olivia dropped her voice to a whisper.
‘Who’s here?’
Murmurs and chatter began to swell as the students came and replaced their mats, acknowledging Cece with thumbs ups and whispered thank yous.
Olivia kept her back to the room.
‘Do you remember I told you about that guy I met in Delhi? The one I’ve been emailing, who got sick – you told me to invite him out here.’
Cece’s face practically exploded with glee.
‘No way
! Where? Where is he?’ She began to crane her neck in all directions. ‘Did you do it? Did you ask him to come and visit?’
‘Stop it,’ Olivia begged. ‘Please!’
‘Wait … was he the one that came in late? Tall, very tanned, sun-kissed hair with a cute bandana and ridiculously dark, sexy eyes?’
‘Yes, that’s him.’
‘Great, because he’s heading straight over here.’
‘No!’ Olivia jerked her head back. ‘I don’t know what to do.’ She was full-scale panicking now. ‘What do I do
?’
‘You take a deep breath and calm down,’ Cece muttered out of the corner of her mouth. ‘Hey!’ She switched instantly back to teacher mode as Jacob placed his neatly rolled mat down on the pile next to them. ‘How did you find class?’
‘Really good.’ He ran his hand through his already
mussed-up hair. ‘Although I’m sorry for being late, not a great first start.’
‘That’s all right.’ Cece’s smile could not have got any bigger if she tried. It was practically hanging from each earlobe. Olivia remained silent, her social ability reduced to nothing.
‘Hi, Olivia.’
She felt him shift towards her, but Olivia remained where she was. It was odd; she’d played out this moment a hundred times in her head and it was always accompanied by an overwhelming sense of joy and excitement. Yet, as she stood here, the reality felt quite different.
‘Hi,’ she uttered, a little coldly.
‘How are you doing?’
‘Good. And you?’ The formality was jarring; even Cece looked uncomfortable.
‘Starving! Who knew yoga could make you so hungry?’
Olivia didn’t reply, instead remaining tight-lipped and tense. The air between the three of them seemed to crackle under the strain.
‘I was wondering if you wanted to get a chai or maybe some food?’ Jacob continued, his timid tone eliciting a strong feeling of guilt. Olivia knew she was acting unfairly, but what did he expect? A celebration after ghosting her for weeks? Not likely.
‘I’m actually going for breakfast with Cece.’
‘Oh God,’ Cece cried, slapping her hand to her forehead melodramatically. ‘I totally forgot to tell you. I can’t get food today; I have a clash.’
‘What?’ Olivia snapped.
‘Yeah, I’ve got a new client … a private client.’
‘Really? Who?’
‘It’s a friend … you wouldn’t know them.’
The lie was so blatant that it was almost painful to listen to, and whilst Olivia knew Cece had the best intentions for her, the betrayal still hurt. What the hell was she supposed to do now?
‘So, it looks like you’re free, then?’ Jacob piped up, forcing Olivia to turn at last and face him fully. The sight of him was even better than she’d imagined.
‘Yes.’ She stiffened. ‘It looks like I am.’
‘Awesome! You lead the way; I don’t know anywhere around here.’
‘Fine.’ She shot Cece a final look of disappointment, which was returned with an infuriatingly exaggerated smile and a wink, before making her way out of the studio.
Was this real? Was this truly happening? The thoughts pounded her brain with every step she took. How could he be so casual? Appear out of thin air with no warning, no heads-up, nothing, and pretend this wasn’t a big deal?
The moment they stepped outside, she found she couldn’t hold back.
‘Jacob.’
‘Yes, Olivia?’
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? You’ve been off with me for weeks and then you just decide to show up?’
He opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it again. Butterflies stirred in her stomach.
Say it.
Say you came for me.
He reached into his pockets and pulled out the two wooden dice.
‘I’m here because of these.’ He shook them at her. ‘You know that.’
‘Right.’ Olivia felt the butterflies die instantly. ‘Of course.’
‘But’ – he took a step closer – ‘I didn’t tell you because I wanted to surprise you! I thought it might be a nice leaving present for your final days.’
Some of the butterflies sprang alive from the ashes, but Olivia still felt confused. Something felt off about the whole situation, but she couldn’t pinpoint exactly why.
‘How did you know where I was?’
‘You told me you were doing yoga on Agonda Beach every morning; it wasn’t hard to track you down.’
‘I see.’ So he had read her emails: he just didn’t think it necessary to respond.
‘I knew if I was coming to Goa, I had to make sure to do it in style. And hopefully …’ He shuffled a little self-consciously, the slightest tinge of pink colouring his cheeks. ‘Hopefully it was a good surprise?’
It wasn’t often that Jacob appeared so unsure of himself, and the sight made Olivia’s steely resolve soften a touch.
‘It was certainly a surprise. And one of the better ones I’ve had.’
‘Good.’ He straightened up, his confidence fully back in place. ‘Because that was my plan.’
‘I thought you hated plans.’