Chapter Twenty-Nine
Theresa
I thought I would have forever with them. I think every mother wishes for it to be true, even though we know it’s an impossibility. But sometimes, life can be exceptionally cruel, throwing a curveball right when you least expect it.
The house has just settled down; it’s been a hive of activity all day, people coming in and people going out, but it’s been beautiful. Watching others love my boys has brought the kind of peace I’ve been needing to accept my fate– cruel or not.
Jules and Zander are curled up on the mattress beside my bed. We’re supposed to be watching a movie, but I’ve found myself watching them instead.
He’s doing everything I asked him to, just like I knew he would; Zander is loving my beautiful boy out loud and for the whole world to see.
Their love is the ‘one great romance’ everybody talks about, but only very few get to experience.
Call it a mother's intuition, or just stating the obvious, but Jules and Zander have the kind of love that’s too great for just one lifetime.
It’s been woven into their fates since they were small boys; some things are just destined to be.
Jules– Oh my sweet, baby boy. I don’t know what this will do to him, and, selfishly, I’m glad I won’t be here to find out. Most women shy away from being called ‘a great Mom’– but not me. I embrace it. How could I not when I can proudly call him my son?
I don’t want to leave them, I want to watch their lives for the rest of mine. I want to be at their housewarming party. I want to be a part of their wedding photos. I want to see them love their future children the way I’ve loved them; endless and without mercy.
And now, that’s all I can do; watch them. I can’t tell them how much I love them or how grateful I am to have felt their love in return. I’m sad, of course I am, but I’m also at peace knowing that they have each other. To be loved by these boys is to have lived a life fulfilled.
Zander is going to hold Jules up; he’s going to see him through, just like Jules does for him.
There will come a time when Jules will tell him about the night he finally asked for help.
I’ve seen the truth on the tip of his tongue when he’s holding him through a nightmare, or he’s watching him as he rearranges something for the hundredth time.
I know he won’t be able to keep it from him forever, that’s not who he is.
His kind of love is honest and pure. The only reason he hasn’t said anything so far is that he doesn’t want to implicate me, which won’t be the case for much longer.
My death will bring truths, the kind that will either heal or completely obliterate.
I just hope they can forgive me for not being around during the cleanup.
My mind is still sharp, but it’s tiring quickly.
Breathing is difficult. Holding on– even more so.
I’m finding my reasons for clinging on to this life lessening day by day.
With every soft smile between them, every tender embrace, and every time they reach for the other’s hand, I take a step closer to the end; the reassurance and comfort those moments bring guide my way.
So now, as I lie in my bed, imprisoned by my mind, I take one last look.
Happiness. They finally know it.