Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Fall Semester, Sophomore Year of College
THEIR FRESHMAN YEAR AT UPENN came and went in the blink of an eye.
Living in a dorm with Gemma had felt like their first glimpse at a real life together, navigating everything from all-night homework dates to wild weekends as a couple.
The two had quickly found a balance between study and mischief, soaking up every moment of their newfound independence together.
Caitlin loved Gemma with a fierceness that felt like fate.
But as they each dove deeper into their classes, a cold worry began to spread through her for the first time, wondering if their shared dream of acting might actually end up dividing them.
The idea of competing for auditions and agents or worse, of spending entire seasons apart, had settled on her heart and refused to leave.
She had begun to avoid picturing the roadmap of their futures now—too many routes didn’t lead back to each other.
Caitlin had done her best to keep her fears to herself, hoping that time would prove her wrong.
SOPHOMORE YEAR WAS HARDER TO hold together. Caitlin and Gemma had moved off campus into a two-bedroom apartment with Hayley and another friend from the business school, making stolen moments scarce.
As a student athlete, Gemma’s shoulders hunched under the pressure of maintaining her grades while Caitlin chased the full college experience—always saying yes to new people and places, or a night out. Caitlin called it networking. Gemma called it a distraction.
Tension began to pool in small silences, occasionally flaring into arguments. Neither knew how to bridge the gap that had opened between them.
By the end of their second semester, Caitlin was unraveling.
Unlike those around her, the knots in her stomach had nothing to do with the arrival of finals week.
Each time Gemma promised they would mend their relationship over the upcoming summer, a band of panic had tightened around Caitlin’s ribs.
She had been keeping a secret, one that chewed her from the inside.
The thought of speaking it terrified her, but she was running out of time.
Mentally exhausted from her first final exam, Cailtin returned to their apartment and found Gemma studying at her desk.
“Hi cutie,” Gemma greeted her, standing to wrap her arms around Caitlin. “How was the exam?”
Caitlin kissed Gemma’s forehead and slipped her arms around her waist. “It was fine. I was a little distracted,” she said, letting herself sag into the embrace. She breathed Gemma in, steeling herself.
“What’s going on?” Gemma asked, gently pulling Caitlin toward their bed.
Caitlin wasn’t ready, not at all, but the clock on her cowardice had run out. They’d be packing to go back to New Hope soon, and Gemma deserved her honesty.
She settled onto their quilted bedspread beside Gemma, tracing the stitching absentmindedly. “You remember that trip I took to LA, right before spring break?”
“Yeah?” Gemma replied tentatively, like she was bracing herself.
“Well, I did visit some friends, but there was another reason I went.”
“Is there someone else?” Gemma asked, the color draining from her face.
“No! No,” Caitlin rushed, cupping Gemma’s cheeks and giving her a soft kiss. “Oh my God, no. Of course not.”
Gemma’s walnut eyes searched her own for answers, her eyebrows threaded together in concern.
“I had an audition for a movie.”
“That’s great, babe! Why didn’t you tell me?” Gemma lit up at the news, making Caitlin feel both seen and foolish. Gemma seemed so impossibly proud of her that Caitlin felt dirty for keeping the information to herself.
“I didn’t want to jinx it.” Her voice was small. “I knew it was a long shot—I mean, I’m nobody. I just thought it’d be good practice.” Caitlin looked up at Gemma, needing her to understand. “But I got the call last week. I got the part, Gemma.”
Gemma started cheering, bouncing a little in her seat on the bed. “Caitlin, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!”
Caitlin stayed still beside her, heart splintering.
Noticing, Gemma froze. “Wait, why don’t you look happy about it?”
Caitlin took a deep breath. “I am… It’s just… when finals are over, I’m moving to LA.”
“Wait, what? Like for the summer?”
“No.” Caitlin gripped Gemma’s hands, afraid to let go. “My agent thinks that I should move there, permanently, to start my acting career. I can finish school there if I want.”
Gemma pulled her hands free and started pacing, rubbing her temples. “Your agent? Since when do you have an agent?”
Caitlin’s hands lay limply in her lap, cold without Gemma’s warm skin.
“It all happened so fast,” Caitlin started. “After the audition, agents just started calling. I really liked one of them—Sandy. She helped me find a place out there.”
Gemma sank into her desk chair, head in hands. “So you auditioned in LA, took a job, and signed a lease without even talking to me?”
Caitlin winced. “I was afraid that you would try to convince me not to,” she said sheepishly, hearing how ridiculous that sounded.
Gemma just looked at her, confounded, as she slowly shook her head.
“I know,” Caitlin whispered, eyes stinging.
“So… what does this mean for us?” Gemma asked, looking to Caitlin for answers that she didn’t have. “I thought that we were going to do this together.”
Caitlin had thought about that question a lot over the past week.
She wondered if their love could survive three thousand miles, if late-night calls and letters would be enough to bridge the already-widening gap.
She wouldn’t ask Gemma to come with her, couldn’t ask her to reroute her own future just for her.
The thought of losing Gemma hollowed her out, yet the idea of giving up her chance in LA felt like cutting off her own future.
“I’m not sure, Squish,” Caitlin said softly.
When Gemma finally lifted her gaze, Caitlin could see the pain etched across her face. Hurt, anger, and betrayal melded together into one hot tear tracing its way down Gemma’s cheek.
Without another word, Gemma grabbed her phone from its spot on her desk and slowly got to her feet.
Her deep brown eyes met Caitlin’s clear blue ones, locking them into a silence louder than words.
The contrast felt symbolic—warm earth meeting open sky.
Suddenly, an entire world lay between the two.
Caitlin felt Gemma slipping away before she even turned toward the door.
Hours passed and Caitlin still hadn’t heard from Gemma. Call after call, text after text, all went unanswered, and Gemma never came home.
Caitlin lay awake, staring at the ceiling, her mind circling the same impossible question.
What does this mean for us?
She felt stupid for ever believing that Gemma might not support her. But the thought of Gemma asking her to stay, even if it was out of love, had scared Caitlin so much that she had allowed it to create a premature distance between them. But what was their other option?
Caitlin’s stomach twisted as she imagined the miles stretching between Philadelphia and Los Angeles.
Direct flights back and forth were expensive, and the demands of her filming schedule would leave little room for visits.
She worried about missed birthdays, forgotten anniversaries, and lost physical connection.
She worried about the time zones turning spontaneous phone calls into planned conversations, and about the loneliness that would settle over them each night they crawled into separate empty beds on opposite sides of the country.
It was four in the morning when Caitlin jolted upright, the decision crashing down on her.
Jumping out of bed, she grabbed the empty suitcase hidden in her closet and started shoving her clothes inside.
Her breathing came ragged as she leaned back against her desk and stared at the opened case, now brimming with her life as she knew it. Was this the right decision?
Caitlin drew in a long, deep breath and kept packing. LA was waiting for her. If she didn’t go now, she might never have the courage to go at all.
She opened her notebook to a blank piece of paper and scribbled a note.
Gemma,
I love you. I know you won’t understand, but I’m doing this for both of us. Chase your dreams, mi toro.
I’m sorry.
Always & Forever,
Caitlin
Looking around their room one last time, Caitlin felt a sinking ache as she spotted the framed collage Gemma had given her on their wall. She couldn’t leave it behind. She would take Gemma with her in any way she could.
She hurried across the room, lifted it from the hook, and tucked it under her arm. She threw her backpack on, stacked her large tote bag onto her suitcase, and hauled her life down the dark sidewalk to her car.
Caitlin was headed to Los Angeles, California, leaving behind the life she knew to chase the one in her dreams.