4. Jane
4
JANE
I t’s unfair how beautiful Nikolai Brooks is. Men shouldn’t be able to be pretty like that, but there’s no other way to describe him. His nose comes to a perfect point with a natural highlight across the bridge. The blue shade of his eyes sparkles lighter or darker depending on the lighting and his mood.
And his hair. Don’t get started on his fucking hair…so effortlessly and perfectly styled when I know he didn’t do a damn thing to it besides run his hands through the silky, blond strands.
Or let someone else run their hands through it.
It’s disgusting how handsome he is, and yet he’s only grown into himself over the years.
At eighteen, he was a heartthrob.
At twenty-seven, he’s heartbreakingly beautiful.
He hasn’t spotted me yet, so I allow myself a few stolen moments to check him out as I walk through the restaurant, toward the private table he reserved in the back. Likely so we could fly under the radar, even though the entire place is empty.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he rented the whole thing just for our dinner.
His posture is relaxed as he leans back in the semi-circle booth. The top three buttons on his shirt are undone, like usual, giving way to the golden skin of his chest. The material is a light blue and I know he picked it out because it matches his eyes. He knows what works for him.
Always has.
One arm is causally slung over the top of the booth, the sleeve rolled up to his elbow to showcase the veins in his forearm and the silver watch that sits on his wrist—a present from his maternal grandfather he was gifted it on his sixteenth birthday.
Nikolai was never going to live a normal life or have a normal job. He was born to have people notice him. To live in the limelight and garner the praise and attention his aura commands. If he hadn’t opened his mouth and realized his undeniable talent, he probably would’ve been a model. And a successful one.
But his voice. The voice that stole my heart and millions of others’ too. Although unlike the rest of them, he wasn’t careless with theirs like he was with mine.
But I’ve moved past that. We’ve moved past that. We’re both grownups now and here for a business meeting between two friends.
“Sir,” the hostess says, stirring Nikolai’s attention as we approach. She silently steps to the side as I approach him and it takes everything in me to keep my steps steady as he looks at me.
Those crystalline eyes of his scan me from head to toe, taking their time with their perusal and not hiding the heat at what they see. His lips tip up in a smile that sends my heart rate soaring and he unfolds himself easily from the booth, standing at his full 6’2”. I’m almost his height in my three-inch heels, but he doesn’t bat an eye at that.
He’s used to seeing me in heels.
Always has been, always will be.
Fuck whoever said tall girls can’t wear heels.
“It’s good to see you,” he greets, his voice that usual smooth, melodic tone. He opens his arms, and I hesitate a moment, causing that crease to come back between his brow, before I step into his embrace.
The familiar scent of salty sea breeze and cedar envelopes me and I refrain from taking a deeper breath. But it’s hard to resist when he smells like my safety net, even though it's already let me fall to the depths before.
His arms tighten around me, like he wants to cherish the moment, but I pull back and smooth a hand down the front of my dress. Clearing my throat, I glance around the empty place and say, “You didn’t rent this out just for our meeting, did you?”
“I rented it out just for you.” He grins, holding his arm out to the opposite side of the booth for me. I slide into the plush leather and settle in.
“Shut up, you did not.”
He sits back down and leans back, throwing an arm over the back of the booth. “Okay, partially for you. Partially because we needed privacy.”
“So fancy,” I muse, looking around at the dimly lit steakhouse. “And sending a car to pick me up from the airport? You know I know how to get a car myself, right?”
“I know you can. You’ve always been able to take care of yourself. Doesn’t mean you always have to,” he says, shrugging as a waiter walks over with water glasses.
“Can I get you anything else to drink besides water?” he asks, eyes bouncing between the two of us. I see the recognition on his face when he looks at Nikolai, but he doesn’t say anything.
Nikolai doesn’t even bother looking at the wine menu. “We’ll take a bottle of the house cabernet sauvignon, thank you.”
The waiter nods before swiftly disappearing.
“That’s still your favorite, right?”
I don’t want to give him the satisfaction, but I nod.
His full lips tilt in that self-assured grin of his.
“Should we take a look at the contract?” That’s the reason we’re here, after all.
He waves me off and takes a sip of water. “We’ll get to business later. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How have you been?”
A heavy sigh racks my chest and Nikolai’s gaze dips to my ample cleavage at the movement. I narrow my eyes, but he doesn’t bother looking embarrassed at being caught.
“I’ve been fine,” I answer.
He cocks his head to the side. “Jane.”
“Nikolai.”
“C’mon. How have you been?”
The waiter returns with the bottle of wine, pouring a sample for Nikolai to taste that he defers to me. It’s delicious. And expensive. Once it gets my stamp of approval, our glasses are filled, our orders are taken, and I finally fill Nikolai in on the mundane existence I’ve lived the past eight months since we last saw each other.
I gloss over the fact that Liam is working at the same firm as me. I don’t want to think about that right now, and it’s not something I want to particularly talk to Nikolai about. Yes, he gave me a shoulder to cry on when we broke up two years ago when I was visiting the band on a tour stop in Dallas, but that’s not something I want to revisit.
“How about you? Are you doing okay?” I ask, returning his undivided attention. Nikolai’s always been good about being the fun guy, the one who is always there to lighten the mood and make everyone laugh.
It’s a role he’s always fit into naturally, but it’s also something he hides behind. That mask of always being okay. Always having a joke.
Other people are fine to take him at face value, but not me. Not since I almost lost him forever. Twice .
He rubs a hand across his jaw, rings glinting in the low lighting. “I’ve been fine.”
Now it’s my turn to turn the tables on him.
“Nikolai,” I say, mocking how he called me out earlier.
“Jane,” he teases back, but then takes a sip of his wine. “It hasn’t been the easiest. I miss music.”
It’s always been his haven.
“I miss the guys, too,” he admits.
“Have you seen any of them lately?”
“I see Reid pretty often. But Hayden has been busy working on his new house with Carter. And your brother has been in la-la land with Scar.”
We both chuckle at that. I’ve never seen him more in love than I have watching him with her.
“How have you been doing otherwise? Like…after the last show,” I hedge, not wanting to bring up things he doesn’t want to think about but also needing to know that he’s okay.
The last time I saw him was at the final Whisper Me Nothings show. It was at a music festival over Labor Day and they were one of the last acts to perform on the main stage. During their set, fireworks went off on one of the side stages and sent both him and Hayden into a panic attack. He couldn’t differentiate the pops of colorful explosions in the sky to the horror he witnessed at the hands of a loaded gun at his brother’s graduation.
I hate remembering that day. Seeing him freeze onstage, the terror that coated his face like a second skin, the tremor that raked through his entire body as the guys led him back to the trailer.
I had followed behind them but I couldn’t touch him. Couldn’t hold him. Couldn’t comfort him.
Because no one knows about our history. And that wasn’t the time for that.
So instead I had to sit by the sidelines while Walker and Reid talked him down. I was there, but I wasn’t there .
It still cuts even months later.
“Hey,” he whispers, reaching a hand across the table and grabbing my own. His palm is warm as his fingers wrap around mine, squeezing gently. “It’s okay.”
He knows where my mind drifted off to without me even needing to say. It’s scary the way he’s always been able to see me. Always been able to read me. I pride myself on keeping a poker face, especially in my field of work.
But with him, he’s always seen past it. Just like I’ve always seen past his.
“I’m doing better. There are still some bad days here and there and I really fucking hate the Fourth of July when everyone thinks they need to put on their displays…” He pauses, then chuckles. “But I’m alright.”
“Still free climbing mountains and racing around on that death bike of yours though?” I ask, stealing my hand back. He’s always been a bit of a daredevil, but he’s gotten downright reckless in recent years. Hell, right after Whisper Me Nothings announced their breakup, he took off to New Zealand and did a solo hike for weeks there.
“Free climbing? Not recently. But do you mean my beautiful, stunning bike that one day you’ll be begging me for a ride on? Yes.”
I roll my eyes. “Not likely.”
“We’ll see.”
“How’s the family?”
“Parents still hate each other.” He snorts. “But that’s not new.”
“Have you seen them lately?”
He shakes his head. “Saw my dad when I went home to visit for the holidays this year, but my mom refused to come around if my dad’s new girlfriend was going to be there.”
I cringe. “How’s Milo doing?”
“Great.” Nikolai smiles genuinely at the mention of his younger brother. “He started his first job at the tech start-up he did an internship with last summer. So it looks like he’ll be staying in Philly, which I’m bummed about, but I get it. It’s his home.”
Our steaks arrive and my stomach grumbles at the sight, reminding me of how long it’s been since I last ate. It’s been an insanely long day between working this morning and then flying out here and being swept right over to dinner.
“So, did you tell Walker that you’re visiting this weekend?” Nikolai asks as he cuts a chunk of steak.
I finish chewing a bite and swallow. “I did. I’m going to their house tomorrow night for dinner. Scar’s in between shows so it’ll be good to see them and catch up.”
He nods and doesn’t press it. It’s not like Walker would have any reason to question the fact that I’m doing this work for Nikolai. And something about that causes my chest to seize for a moment because of his total and complete trust in not only me, but in his best friend.
The thing is, Walker and I had a strict no dating friends rule that started when we were teenagers. Being twins, we were always in the same grade in school and always around the same groups of people. My friends were his friends and his friends were my friends. It’s great, because the two of us have always been close so it was nice to have a group of friends together.
That is until he dated one of my best friends our sophomore year. When it ended badly, it tainted my friendship with her and she cut me off because she couldn’t stand to be around Walker. And clearly, he wasn’t going anywhere in my life.
So, I made him promise me that he would never date another one of my friends and risk the same thing happening again. In return, he made me promise the same thing. At the time, I didn’t think twice before agreeing, because he and Nikolai were just starting to hang out and all I saw was the player that he was and never thought he would be someone I’d be interested in. Or that he’d ever be interested in me.
So we made that pact and stuck by it.
Until I didn’t.
Until I broke it that one night, and then many nights after that.
I hate having secrets from him, and I know Nikolai does too. But we both agreed that it was best to keep things to ourselves for the sake of the band and both of our relationships with Walker.
There were many times when I was heartbroken and all I wanted to do was confide in him, but as Nikolai and I rebuilt our friendship and tried to put the past behind us, I kept it to myself. It’s what was best for everyone.
We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both savoring the juicy meat and piles of sides that Nikolai ordered. Mashed potatoes, broccolini, truffle mac and cheese, sauteed mushrooms. I forgot what it’s like to go out to eat with him. He can never choose just one thing, never wants to limit himself, and always ends up ordering almost half of the menu.
“I see you still do that.”
I glance up mid-bite. “What?”
He uses his knife to point to a small piece of steak I’ve set off to the side of my plate. “Save what you deem to be the best bite of food until the end of the meal,” he says, chewing his own bite. “You always set it to the side like that.”
It’s a subconscious thing at this point, but the piece does have the perfect char on the outside.
“Well, I want to savor it.”
“But you could choke in the middle of your meal and die, therefore depriving yourself of the best bite.”
“Or you could end with a mediocre bite and be left wanting more.”
“I’d never leave you wanting more.”
I scoff. “Seriously?”
He grins.
“Shut up.”
We make small talk while we finish the meal and as our plates are cleared, Nikolai orders a second bottle of wine. Between the food, the drinks, and yes, the company, my entire body sags into the cushions beneath me in satisfaction. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a meal as good as this one.
Nikolai takes the folder from his seat and slides it across the table.
Ah, what we’re really here for. Right. Back to business.