39. Nikolai
39
NIKOLAI
R eid hunches over the soundboard with his brow drawn in concentration. I jot down a few lyrics into my notebook as we listen to the bass line we created.
“Is it too heavy for the direction you’re going for with this album?” he asks.
I close my eyes and listen carefully. It has more body to it than the bass on some of the other songs but I think it works. “Nah, I like it. It’ll stand out and mix it up a bit.”
He nods and makes a few minor tweaks. We’ve been in the studio for hours and it’s just like old times. Reid’s tried to step back while I’ve been creating this body of work, not wanting to influence it too much. But I miss working with him so on the way into the studio this morning, I called him and invited him in.
It’s the first time we’ve seen each other since our night with Jane. It only took a few minutes to clear the air that was already see-through.
“You and Jane good?”
“Yep.”
“We good?”
“Of course.”
“Alright then.”
That was that. He knows his place in my life and Jane’s position as well. I love them both and while that night was special, it’s never going to happen again.
I sit up on the couch and stretch my arms above my head. “We should take a break soon.”
“One minute,” Reid says distantly. He’s zeroed in on something in the bassline and when he gets in the zone like this, it’s hard to pull him out. He hasn’t made any indication that he wants to pursue music on his own which is a shame. He’s talented as hell and has an attention to detail like no one else I’ve ever worked with.
Suddenly, the door to the studio flies open and slams back against the wall. We both jerk our heads toward the intrusion and I’m taken by surprise to see Walker storming in.
“Hey, man,” I say and stand to greet him but the look in his eye has me stumbling back a step. He looks downright murderous as he crosses the space in a few quick strides. I open my mouth to speak again when his fist slams into it instead, knocking the words back down my throat.
“How could you?” he roars and everything blurs as Hayden tries to pull Walker off me and Reid gets into the mix, wrapping a protective arm around my chest and freeing me from Walker’s grip. “You’re my fucking brother!”
“What the hell?” Reid shouts as he keeps me steady. My head spins from Walker’s punch. That big fucker is strong.
Hayden speaks smoothly to Walker. “Calm down, bro. You don’t need to fight.”
Walker’s chest heaves with angered breaths as he glares at me and I know. I know .
“Walker—”
“You don’t get to fucking speak right now.” He points his finger at me. “You’re going to answer my questions before I knock you flat on your ass.”
Reid stiffens behind me, and I can feel him gearing up to step between us and defend me. But I’ve had this coming. It’s time to face the consequences I’ve put off for nine years.
I dislodge myself from his hold and gesture for him to stand back. He’s reluctant to do so, but eventually relents. Hayden and Walker seem to have a similar conversation as Hayden drops Walker’s arm and steps back as well. Our eyes briefly meet and he lightly shakes his head.
The irony isn’t lost on me that this is the first time the four of us are all in the same room again and it’s devolved into fighting and chaos.
“How long have you been fucking my sister?” Walker’s words are like a slap to the face with how cheap he makes it sound. “And don’t try to lie to me right now. I saw the photos with my own eyes.”
My stomach drops. “What photos?”
Hayden registers my shock and says gravely, “Photos hit the tabloids this morning of you and Jane in…compromising positions.”
“You were fucking her in an alley,” Walker spits.
Fucking hell. How did someone get pictures of that night? We were all alone. I kept an eye out. I was vigilant.
Not vigilant enough , my subconscious butts in. I need to get to Jane.
“And there were some of you two that looked like they were outside of a hotel. More innocent than the others,” Hayden adds.
“There’s nothing fucking innocent about this,” Walker quips. “Now answer my question. How long have you been fucking Jane?”
I hang my head and my lip thumps with its own heartbeat from Walker’s punch. “It’s not like that, man.”
Walker laughs half-heartedly. “Are you serious? Then what’s it like? Because it looks to me that you’ve gone behind my back, lied to my face, and hooked up with my sister in a public place and put her in a position where she’s exposed to the world. You think I don’t know how you are with women? You think I’m going to be cool if you sleep with her, then dump her when you get bored? I know how you operate.”
“She’s different.”
He scoffs and his immediate dismissal of me sets my teeth on edge.
“She is. This is just a hook-up. When I say it’s not like that, I mean…it’s complicated.”
Walker holds his hands out. “I have all fucking day.”
Hayden shifts, face withdrawn, while Reid leans against the wall with his arms crossed, watching intently.
I suck in a breath. “First off, I just want to preface that we did want to tell you. It’s eaten us both up over the years.”
“ Years ?” Walker chokes, and I cringe.
“We got together toward the end of senior year.” His eyes practically bulge out of his head. “We broke up before we all moved to LA so I promise you, I never cheated on her. We got reconnected when I asked her to look over my contract for me.”
I can see the gears turning behind his glare. “So you two have been together this entire time she’s been out in LA? While she’s been living with you?” He shakes his head. “I fucking trusted you.”
“Like I said, it’s complicated. And I promise, I will sit down and explain it all to you. But right now”—my chest clenches painfully—“if what you said is true about these photos, I need to go find Jane.”
Walker blocks my way, pain marring his face. “I want you to explain it to me now.”
How do I even begin to unravel nine years of history to him when I’m not even sure he wants to listen?
I settle for the bottom line, the need to find Jane reverberating through my bones. “I love her. She’s it for me.”
My declaration seems to surprise Hayden, but it does nothing to appease Walker. If anything, his shoulders hitch closer to his ears and he balls his hands into fists.
“How many?” His voice is pure gravel.
“What?”
His eyes melt holes in my skin as he seethes. “How many of our songs are about my sister?” He steps forward menacingly. “How many of our fucking songs did you write with me, side by side in studio, knowing that they were about her while you kept that from me?”
My silence only seems to anger him more.
“Huh?” He shakes my shoulders. “Tell me!”
“All of them,” I whisper, the words so faint they barely make it into the air but they ring loud and clear for him.
He drops his hands to his sides and stumbles back. His anger seems to give way to hurt and he looks at me as if I’m a stranger.
“How could you do that?” he murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief. “How could you not tell me?”
“I wanted to. We both did?—”
He cuts me off with a slice of his hand through the air. “Don’t speak for her. I don’t want to hear you talk on behalf of the both of you.”
I raise my hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. I really, truly am. I never wanted you to find out like this.”
“You mean, you didn’t want me to find out at all?”
“No. I knew you deserved to know. We just…there was a lot Jane and I had to figure out first. Now please, I need to go talk to her. We will sit down and I’ll tell you anything you want to know. But I-I need to talk to her.”
Has she seen the photos? Is she freaking out?
Walker hangs his head before he reluctantly steps aside. Hayden places a hand on his shoulder that he shrugs off. Reid is unmoving, watching the scene with an air of indifference. He makes no move to talk to either of them.
I don’t waste my opportunity. As I walk past though, I stop and lean close to Walker, my best friend, my brother. “I truly am sorry for lying to you.” I never wanted it to come to this, but a part of me always knew there was this possibility. And yet I did it anyway.
But she’s worth it.
“Just go,” he grits out. Beneath the anger, I hear the deep-seated hurt, and as much as I want to stay here and try to fix this, I can’t.
I take my cue and sprint out of the studio, the need to get to Jane propelling me the entire way.