Chapter 30
Ari enters. My back is turned, to make him think I’m sleeping. I’m waiting for him to say some witty shitty comment that will amuse nobody but himself. It takes willpower to control my breathing—rhythmic and relaxed—so he thinks I’m resting peacefully.
I hear him shuffle under his blanket. Then silence. No sound. Minutes pass as I wait for his attack. What’s his plan? To surprise me with an insult as soon as I fall asleep? To shake me out of my dreams and into this nightmare? To wait for me to speak? To…
I turn, feeling my face heat up. What a piece of shit.
“So?” I whisper harshly.
He jumps, startled by my sudden interaction.
“So what?” he whispers back.
I can’t see his face in the dark, but I’d bet my skirts he’s grinning like the troll he is. The lower I sink, the higher he floats.
“So what did you tell them?”
“Nothing, don’t worry.”
I scoff.
“Right, like you can keep your mouth shut.”
“A skald knows much he does not share.”
“The only skald I ever knew is a piece of shit.”
I see his form rise in the dark. He leans on his elbows.
“You know, Kilda, you can be quite mean.”
“Just shut the fuck up!” I shout before whispering again. “You’re the one humiliating me!”
“I try to be nice,” he says with a laugh. “I think it’s you—”
“Shhh! Keep your voice down. You will wake Ylvin.”
He laughs again.
“What? You just shouted at me to shut the fuck up,” he whispers.
“Well, tell me what you told them.”
“Nothing, on my grave and honor.”
I sit back. Even this crow wouldn’t swear on his grave and honor if it wasn’t true. Maybe Ylvin doesn’t know. Maybe she just ate in silence before retiring to her lavvu to get hammered by Elof.
“Fine then. You were so rude, bringing it up while we were eating.”
“Bringing what up?”
“You know, you bastard! You just want to hear me say it!”
He snickers, trying to keep his voice down.
“I don’t think you should be lecturing anyone on manners, Kilda. You’re the rudest person I know.”
“Ridiculous! How am I rude?”
“Well, peeking at naked folk through bushes is considered rude.”
My cheeks flush in the dark.
“Just shut it!”
“Also, you insult me all the time.”
“Shhh!”
“And my kin, and my ancestors.”
“That was one time!”
“You swear a lot, and I mean a lot a lot. I know northern raiders that swear less than you.”
“Fine. I swear a lot. You win.”
“You didn’t swear when you first arrived. What happened?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I say sarcastically. “What happened? You humiliated me in front of everyone when I kneeled for Asbjorn.”
“And his wife,” he adds.
“And his wife.” I slap my hands on my blanket. “You know what? Fuck you.”
“Thanks, I guess?”
So nonchalant. Like he doesn’t care. My jaw tightens. I only see red. I want to hurt his honor, his feelings—like he hurts mine every day.
“You’re barely a skald! You only use poetry to insult people!”
“I don’t use poetry to insult people…”
“To insult me then.”
“It’s just humor. I’m sorry if I hurt you in front of Asbjorn.”
“And his wife,” I add.
“And his wife,” he agrees. “You know, it’s almost a compliment. Countless slave girls have never had poems recited about them.”
“Oh yeah, epic compliment. What did you say? On my knees. Look up my skirts. In front of the entire valley. Thanks a lot, Ari the Skald.”
“People laughed. They liked it.”
“Well, I thought it was horrible.”
“Fine. I said I’m sorry.”
“So what poem have you prepared after what happened today?”
He laughs.
“What happened again?”
“Shut the fuck up, Ari! Tell me the poem!”
“There is no poem.”
“At least do me the honor of letting me hear it before you shout it into every willing ear in Opdal.”
“There is no poem.”
“Stop lying!”
“Okay, fine.” He sits silent for a few seconds. What the fuck? Is he composing one now? Is he— “Promise me you won’t interrupt then.”
“On my honor,” I say.
He clears his throat, raising himself so he’s sitting. He adds a layer of depth to his voice, a darker tone than usual.
“In the rainbow river, I spent some time
When among the bushes, a little spy
Who saw a crow, enjoy his life,
She says he’s mangy, but filled her eyes”
I’m stunned. He can improvise. Or he must have had it ready. I can’t see his facial expression in the dark, but I would bet my hand he’s wearing a shit-toothed grin. A stupid, shit-toothed grin.
“That’s just bad,” I say.
“I wouldn’t say that,” he responds.
“It’s so stupid. Just a steaming pile of shit.”
“Be honest. It wasn’t that bad.”
“You’re such a fucking simpleton,” I whisper, keeping my tone venomous.
“You know,” he says. “Your insults are starting to get boring.”
“I’m not here to entertain you.”
“Where did you even learn to speak like that? Your mother? Your father?”
What the fuck did he just say? It takes all my energy not to charge into him. To do as much damage as possible before he holds me down or knocks me out or whatever.
“What the fuck did you just say?” I hiss.
“Where did you even learn to speak like that?”
“You don’t speak about my mother!” Tears well up in my eyes. “And, and… My father is just like you. A useless bastard who lies around on his ass all day.”
“Wow, Kilda, try to relax.”
“Fuck you!”
I slam myself on the ground, turning my back. Ari snorts.
“One day, you will insult the wrong man—or woman for that matter—and pay a steep price. Not everyone is as tolera—”
I turn quickly, the dark hiding my vicious smile.
“Oh, he threatens with violence. So impressive.”
“No, I just—”
“I’d bet you couldn’t use a sword or axe to kill a sleeping sheep.”
“Easy money for me then.”
“Vidar told me you weren’t shit. Puny, he said.”
“Vidar is bigger in size, but that’s about it. Not enough to win a duel or a battle.”
Ari’s tone is souring. Gone is the levity his voice carried when he thought he was winning our battle of wills. The bastard skald is jealous of Vidar! He feels threatened by a real man!
“What the fuck would you know about it?” I say.
“More than you.”
“More than a woman? Oh wow. Big warrior Ari, taking over the world.”
“You know, you sound pretty fucking stupid yourself,” he says. But I don’t mind his insult. I have finally found a chink in his armor. Cruel satisfaction washes over me.
“Who’s swearing now?” I say victoriously. “Vidar said he would not want you next to him in battle.”
“And I wouldn’t want him next to me at a table or campfire, let alone in battle.”
“So why do you suck up to his father so much? Why stay in Opdal?”
“Excuse me? I do not suck up to Sigurd…”
“Hah!” I fake a curt laugh. “You probably suck his fingers, his toes. I don’t even want to know what else.”
“You, Kilda, are one fucked up woman.”
“And you are a fucked up—”
I hear footsteps approach rapidly. Ari reacts too, placing his hand on his knife. Maybe he isn’t as useless a man as he gives off.
Ylvin’s head sticks through the tent flap. She screams from the depth of her stomach, making my ears ring.
“If the two of you don’t shut the fuck up right now, by Odin.” She pauses for a second. “I swear I will turn you to fucking rats and let Elof rip off your tails and legs.”
She closes the flap violently, shouting as she stomps back to her lavvu.
“Fucking believe it!”