Chapter 31 #2
“Do you feel it now?” I ask. This concept of feeling magical energies fascinates me. If anything, I’m sure I felt what she describes when I first met her. And the hammer, in the hall… I hadn’t known. Maybe Ylvin allowed me to touch her energies? Lowered her masking spell?
She howls in laughter.
“My dear, I smell you like a wolf does a wounded sheep. I’ve felt your fangs, but now, I just want to bite into your throat.”
Savage imagery. But then, Ylvin is a savage. A she-wolf. I laugh gingerly, not sure how to react. I want to keep practicing—I want my fangs. I want to howl at the moon. Like Ylvin.
“Uh,” I start. “Maybe it’s the piece of bone? Do you have one with a rune on it maybe?”
“A rune?”
“Yes, to help me channel my energies.”
Ylvin moves quickly, crossing the room in a second and snatching the piece of bone in front of me. She cups it in her hands, staring into my eyes as she bares her teeth. Her eyes widen as she releases a low growl. The sound of a predator.
“Open your hand,” she orders.
I obey. The she-wolf drops the bone into my hand. It’s the same as before. Maybe she truly is mad. Just a crazy lady who lives in the woods while scamming believers. I’m not sure this is even worth my tim—
“Au!”
The bone heats up in my hand without warning. In an instant it becomes a glowing ember. I drop it on the ground and it loses its glow. How could it get so hot without burning up? The palm of my hand has a mark, a light burn. Luckily, I wasn’t holding it firmly.
I look up at Ylvin, wide-eyed. She’s the real deal. A true Volva.
“But, how did you—”
“Pick it up.”
The bone is sitting on the ground. It seems harmless enough. Every instinct tells me to leave it alone. Only a stupid child touches a flame again after getting burned.
“Pick it up,” snarls Ylvin.
I’m not about to argue. Closing my eyes tight, bracing for pain, I poke it with a finger. It’s fine. Just a piece of bone. I place it back in my palm.
“How did you do that?”
The bone vibrates slightly before lying still.
“Don’t drop it now,” says Ylvin.
My palm cools off, like I’m holding ice. A shiver runs up my arm. Confused by what is happening, I throw Ylvin a glance. She bears a sly smile—the smugness of a master showing off.
The bone is freezing now. I can barely feel my hand. Flexing my fingers, they are rigid, like I’ve been in the snow too long. Holding the bone becomes harder and harder. My palm is so cold it actually feels like heat.
I drop it.
“Amazing,” I say, unable to hide the awe in my voice.
“The simplest enchantment.”
“But how could you change it from hot to cold?”
“Hot and cold are the same thing, just on different sides of a rainbow. Like stopping and going. Seeing and blindness. Light and dark. You understand.”
“But how did you change it?”
“This object is bound to my will now.”
“So you can just… burn anything?”
She howls in laughter.
“I like how your mind works, Kilda. Straight to burning down the farmstead that enslaved you. Glorious revenge. Love it.”
I laugh with her. Not quite what I meant, but now that she mentions it…
“Groa never showed me this.”
Ylvin laughs.
“Many Volvas only manage to scratch the surface of possibility, if they have the gift. Most Volvas, I’m afraid, make shit up as they go along.”
“Can I keep it?” I ask.
“If you like, but—”
“Can you control it when I take it with me to the farm?”
One should not interrupt one’s elders, especially one’s teacher. Realizing what I have done, I look to Ylvin timidly, considering apologizing. But she is only grinning.
“Don’t apologize, by Odin,” she says. “It would be hard. Doing magic costs a lot of energy, and I mean a lot. It can cost worse things than that. You will know. It costs even more to perform it at a distance.”
“Do you ever run out of energy?” I ask, thirsty for knowledge. I can’t believe it. Ylvin is more than a madwoman, that much is true. She is a Volva.
“Like a child chasing chickens, I get tired. But I’m always ready to go again the next day, like a child who loves chasing chickens. Certain things help me replenish.”
“Like what?” I want all the tricks, all the methods. I realize now, for the first time, my hunger grows. I want more.
“Sex.” She winks. “Good food, good sleep.”
“I should have guessed.”
“Indeed, you should have.” She sits. Her eyes observe the dancing shadows of talismans on the roof of the lavvu. “Mind you, Kilda, that’s what works for me. Maybe praying to Freya in a river or orchard will work for you. What do I know?”
“A lot,” I say, but it doesn’t stop her continuing.
“Experiences in life, my dear, can also replenish, or expand, or anything else.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Listen, Kilda, I am more experienced than you, true. But I am also learning. I am just a student of the gods, like you. We never stop learning, never stop growing. A tree doesn’t stop as soon as its leaves reach the sun, it wants more, it uses its roots to compete, push.”
“Groa said the same about trees.”
“Groa wasn’t so bad it seems,” she laughs. “I think that if a single flower, tree, or any plant was allowed to grow freely, without competition, it would eventually have a root by every river in the world to quench its thirst.”
“Like Yggdrasil,” I whisper.
“Well said.” She nods. “Competition is healthy, keeps us on our toes. It only does us good.”
“Do Volvas compete?”
A wolfish grin grows on her face.
“More than honorable men on wrestling day.”
“But, where… does it… how come normal people don’t know?”
“Some do. Most find it easier to live a trivial life. True Volvas tend to be careful displaying their powers. Many jarls, or foreign kings, or even lowly bandits have heard of powerful women and killed them. Out of fear. Understandably, such power is revered by many, but it also terrifies people.”
“Do you know other Volvas?”
“I have known, not anymore.”
“Why?”
She sighs, closing her eyes.
“There is always a bigger wolf, or a stronger pack.”
“Pack?”
“Yes, pack. For fuck’s sake, Kilda, you ask a lot of questions.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just fascinated, shocked. I… I thought I had received Volva training. I had no idea Volvas held such power.”
“Few Volvas do, not many at all. Most claim to see the future or whatever.”
“Do they?”
She grins.
“Some can, surely. If only glimpses.”
“Can you?”
She raises her eyebrow at me, like I’m a foolish child asking a parent a way too intimate question. I don’t care, I need to learn, so I continue asking.
“You can control temperature, what more can you do?”
“Let’s say I can Thrust, like Odin. Or I can be Cloaked, like Loki. As a Volva, you will learn not to divulge all your secrets at the first opportunity. Kind of like lifting your skirts the first time you are alone with a man. It’s better to know him a little first.”
I laugh.
“I’m surprised you don’t tell me to sleep with every man I see.”
She laughs with me.
“Oh, I enjoy sex, as you know, but it has to be… good. And not just pleasurable, but also… good. You will see. Elof and I are very close.”
“I can tell. How did you meet him?”
Her eyes burn into mine, suddenly serious.
“That is a story for another time. Now enough with your questions.”
She stands, grabbing two wooden cups from her table.
My pulse is racing. So much to take in. Magic is real.
Not just some invisible wisdom, but a real physical thing.
I’ve never felt so ignorant. I have never felt so informed.
How lucky I am to end up here with Ylvin.
After everything. The world isn’t fair, but the path we tread has many twists and turns.
Could it be? That I was meant to be enslaved?
To meet Ylvin? To learn the secrets of Seidr?
“I see you thinking, girl. I’m sure it’s not easy.”
“It’s… it’s… like my brain is melting.” I laugh and grin at her.
“You have lost your virginity now,” she says as she hands me a cup. “For the second time.”
I throw my head back in laughter, like Ylvin might. It’s just us. The valley would judge me. Ylvin? Never. She will never judge me. We are Volvas. We are women.
“Thank you,” I say, smelling the liquid she has offered. It’s a pungent smell—heavy. Not a light flower tea like the one yesterday.
“Just swallow it. Don’t taste it,” says Ylvin.
“Why? I just want to—”
“Shut the fuck up, girl, drink it.”
My entire body feels lifted. My core is vibrating. Ylvin has initiated me. Blessed am I to learn the secrets of the feminine. The secrets of nature. This is but the first step on my journey.
I toss my head back and swallow the liquid in one big gulp, choking on the bitter taste. Ylvin does the same. I’ve never tasted anything like it. My tongue instantly starts tingling.
“What’s this?” I ask, smelling the cup.
“Just give me a second of silence, child, let my head rest.” She lies down, closing her eyes.
I do the same. Seconds pass in silence. With my eyes closed, the darkness shifts. Lights fly about like sparks. I’m spinning.
“What the fuck?” I say, sitting up.
Ylvin laughs from the other side of the lavvu, raising her head. Everything around her bends. Vibrates. My arms feel gooey. Perhaps I’m made of honey, put together by the many bees drinking from flowers.
What a strange thought.
“How do you feel?” she asks.
“What the fuck… the fuck. Did you poison me?”
“My darling,” she whispers. “Is that really what you think of me?”
I stand, panicking as my heart thrashes about my chest. A fish in a bucket. It should be in the river. It should jump upstream.
“Fuck’s sake, Kilda, relax. Sit down.”
“The fuck… I… by Freya… what is…”
The shadows weave together. The fire is kindled. The roof is covered in dancing spirits, sharing a moment together. I can never take part. They love chaos.
“Please, I… I just…” I sway as my balance is challenged. A quick glance at my arms tells me they are not my own. The hairs, the fingers. What the fuck is going on? What is this body?
Ylvin grabs my shoulders, pushing me down on a pile of furs. White like snow. They are soft against my skin. I know that in my head.
I try to keep focus on Ylvin. But her face is bending, all over the place. I only see her smile. Her wolfish smile. Sharp teeth. A wolf. Matriarch.
“Stay down, girl,” she says as she laughs. “It’s coming to me too.”
I try to look at her, but I don’t even know where she is. Every surface is separated. Everything bends in waves, together. Connected. My forehead is detached. I fall backward.
An endless tide of white assaults me. I have no choice. How can I win?
Win against what? Me?
A single tear runs from my eye as I relax my forehead. It’s time.
Is this death? Can it be stopped?
Release.
All white.