Chapter Five
I am dressed and sitting at the end of my bed. Thane decided we would explore today before we went over his expectations of me. I’d like to think I’ll be fine and be able to follow the rules, but I also know that’s bullshit.
When Thane walks into the room, I sit up a little and look at him. “Good morning,” he says with a smile.
“Good morning,” I reply simply.
“How did you sleep?” Thane asks, gesturing for me to stand.
“Well,” I lie. “And you?”
“I didn’t,” he says, studying my face. “Let’s try this again… How did you sleep?”
“Uh… Not well,” I admit.
“Do not ever lie to me again,” Thane scolds.
I grit my teeth and say nothing, because I’ll be a bitch if I reply.
“If I ask you something, tell me. You will not be in trouble for telling me you didn’t sleep well, so I expect you to be honest with me.
Especially when it comes to your health and well-being. ”
“Okay,” I snap.
“That’s ‘yes, Sir’,” Thane corrects simply.
“Oh, fuck you, asshole,” I snap. I turn my back on him, but he promptly shoves me over the bed and yanks my skirt up.
I yelp when he smacks my ass and try to move away from him, but he puts his hand on my back to keep me still as he spanks my ass a total of sixteen times.
When he moves his hand off my back, he pulls me up.
I fully expect him to continue scolding me, but he wraps me in a hug as I cry.
I’m not hysterical or even triggered, so I don’t know why I’m crying. I deserved to be punished, because how else am I going to learn how to shut the fuck up and stop being a bitch? Even after one day, I know the consequences of acting like that.
Thane pulls back and takes my face between his hands.
“You spent all night having nightmares, Ayla,” he says, nodding to the camera in the corner of my room.
“I need you to tell me these things, Ayla. It is absolutely related to your trauma, and lack of quality sleep is going to affect more than you realize.”
“I’m sorry,” I whimper.
“I know you are, which is why you are here. You want to help yourself, and it starts with identifying when you are upset before you blow up at someone. Your mind is moving faster than your mouth sometimes.”
“I don’t mean to,” I say. “I hate that I'm so… Impulsive.”
“By nature, you are going to be, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work on it to improve our mental health.
Our main concern should be managing your anger and self-harming tendencies,” he tells me.
“Coping with your symptoms and navigating your trauma is our goal, not curing a diagnosis or rewriting the past.”
“I understand,” I sniff.
“Cussing or yelling at me will result in an immediate punishment of my choosing. Putting your hands on someone out of anger will result in a harsher punishment. You can be mad without yelling, cussing, or hurting someone else,” he explains.
“If I tell you to do something, do it. You may ask why and even argue with me, as long as you are respectful. Get an attitude instead of communicating, and you’ll be reminded of who the dom between us is. ”
“What about you?” I ask.
“What about me?”
“Do I get to punish you if you act out?” I ask. “If I am required to be respectful, you are as well.”
“How would you punish me, Ayla?” Thane asks curiously.
“Edging you,” I say simply. “Making you sit there and not touch yourself or me while I get myself off. Forced repeated orgasms until you are crying. Get on your knees in front of everyone and apologize. Although that last one would be if you really fuck up… Oh! And if you touch another woman, you get cucked.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks.
“Mhmm,” I say. “By the way, the contract said I am allowed to set my own rules. Within reason, obviously. They have to be run by Reid as well, but…”
“Okay,” he says with a smirk. “We can go talk to Reid before group therapy. First, breakfast.”
“Any other rules?” I ask as we walk out of my room and into the hallway.
“For now, maybe for the duration of the six weeks, I’ll probably keep you away from the others. You attend group activities, but it will just be you, me, and Reid on occasion.”
“Will he be around for the… non-therapy things?” I ask.
“The BDSM activities?” he asks, and I nod. “Yeah, it depends. He usually doesn’t participate.”
“Why?” I ask. “Is he a submissive?”
“No,” Thane laughs. “He’s intense and probably more sadistic than I am.”
“Oh?” I ask. “He seems so innocent.”
“He is mellow most of the time. It’s hard to switch him over to that side,” Thane explains as we get to the dining section of the common area.
He sits me at a table but stays standing.
“Be careful with smarting off to him, Ayla. If you push him and he breaks, I will absolutely watch him fuck that bratty attitude out of you.”
“Oh,” I say, swallowing hard. Thane chuckles before walking toward the kitchen door.
I pick at my nails as I wait for him to return.
I feel someone looking at me, so I glance up and see Reid.
He looks miserable. Not just tired, but mentally exhausted.
He sees me looking at him and smiles softly as though he didn’t just look like he was about to jump off something tall.
“Alright,” Thane says. “Pancakes, bacon, and eggs. That okay?”
“Yeah,” I say dismissively, still looking at Reid. He’s looking at his phone now and looks pissed.
“Something on your mind?” Thane asks.
“What’s wrong with Reid?”
Thane turns to Reid for a moment before glancing at me. “Stay here.”
I watch as Thane stands and walks over to Reid. He claps him on the back, startling him, and takes his phone out of his hand. Reid instantly looks pissed when Thane returns to me, with Reid storming after him.
“Sit,” Thane commands Reid. He opens his mouth to say something—I’m willing to bet it’s something hateful—but Thane continues. “Or I’ll get Tabitha.”
Reid grits his teeth as Thane slips his phone into his pocket and walks away. “Uh…” I say with a nervous laugh. “Who is Tabitha?”
“The other lead psychiatrist,” he says flatly as he sits.
“You wanna talk about it, grumpy?” I ask, taking a big bite of my pancakes.
“No,” he snaps.
“Damn, and I thought I was the bitch here,” I say between bites. Reid frowns deeply at me, but I just grin at him as Thane sits.
“That was uncalled for and not appropriate to bring Ayla into…”
“I’ve come inside her, dude. I think we are past that,” Thane says, dropping a plate of food in front of Reid.
“Will you just stop?" Reid bites harshly.
“Mmm… No,” Thane says. “How’s your food, Ayla?”
“Really good,” I say with a smile. “Do I get to know why you brought Dr. Grumpy over here?”
“No,” Reid snaps at me.
“I’ve been in a psych ward for a year, Reid. I’m not competent to stand trial. You really wanna be a dickhead to the crazy girl with an anger problem and nothing to live for?” I say before taking a big bite of the eggs. Thane chuckles and takes a bite of his food, but Reid just stares at me.
“You’re right,” he says after a moment. “I’m sorry, Ayla.”
“What’s your problem?” I ask. “Like for real.”
“My ex-girlfriend,” he says.
“Ex?” Thane asks, looking at Reid.
“Ex,” Reid repeats. “The bitch… She’s just causing problems at my house.”
“Would you like to try some deep breathing exercises?” I ask, and Thane nearly chokes on his food.
“You’re a brat today, Ayla,” Reid says, trying to keep his sour mood intact.
“You’re sad today, Reid,” I quip. “How about you treat me like a normal person for a moment and tell me if you’re okay or not?”
“I’m not okay… but things will get better from here on out,” Reid says honestly.
“Join us today,” Thane says. “I’m going to show her around, and then we will go to the training room.”
“Okay,” Reid says, clearly disconnecting from his earlier sad demeanor. He takes a big bite of his food and smiles at me like I wasn’t just worried about him. Thane is looking at him just as worriedly, but in a more knowing way than I am.
“How long have you two known each other?” I ask.
“When was the first time you cut yourself?” Reid asks, making me frown. “If you want to ask questions, I think it’s only fair we get to also.”
“The night my father raped me for the first time,” I answer.
“Our whole lives,” Thane answers. “We were neighbors with the other psychiatrist, Tabitha.”
We go silent and finish our food. When I am done, I stand to take my plate. “Want me to take yours?” I ask Thane.
“You don’t have to,” he says. I roll my eyes and grab it anyway, since I wasn’t really asking.
I stack them before grabbing Reid’s and walking to the kitchen.
It takes me a moment to locate where I am supposed to set everything down.
Once I do, I walk back to the table where Thane and Reid are waiting.
“What?” I ask Thane when he narrows his eyes at me. When he walks closer to me, he wraps his hand around my throat and pulls me closer before tipping my chin up to look down at me.
“You are my submissive, not my slave,” he says with a low and grave tone.
“Wanting to do nice things for you doesn’t make me a slave,” I say, knocking his hand away from me. He goes to grab me again, but I back up. “Maybe I just like being helpful, and you two are too stuck on my trauma to treat me like a real person.”
“Ayla,” he says.
“Can you just show me around already, Sir?” I ask simply with a deadpan expression.
“Come on,” he says, watching me closely.
I walk with him to the elevator, and he begins telling me about the building. We start with the second level, and we walk down the hallway to show all of the offices before we enter the conference room.
We get back into the elevator and go to the third floor. This is where all of the private training rooms are. Before going to my assigned room, we go up to the fourth floor. This is where all of the group activities happen, so I assume I will be here later today for group therapy.
The last place we go is up a set of stairs. At the top, there is a door that Thane uses his keys to unlock. When we walk up, I find that it’s the roof of the building.
They watch me as I walk out onto the roof and look around. I navigate myself to the edge, and they are rightfully on edge immediately. “Ayla,” Reid says hurriedly. He goes to reach for me when I step up onto the ledge, but stops when I bring myself down to sit on the edge.
I lean forward and look at my feet dangling over the edge of the four-story building.
The concrete below calls to me, but it’s not loud enough for me to listen.
I think some part of me will always want to die, but I have learned that I can want to die but still choose to live.
Life fucking sucks for everyone, and that will never change, but it is what I make of it.
I came here because I wanted to find who I am meant to be.
I refuse to believe that I was only ever meant to die.
“What are you doing, Ayla?” Thane asks, sitting next to me.
“Just looking,” I say. “I’m sorry if it freaked you out.”
“It’s okay,” he says. “If you are compelled to explore, Ayla, make sure we know your plans. We don’t want to misunderstand.”
“What’s on your mind?” Reid asks from behind us.
“Wanna sit with me?” I ask, turning to look at him.
“He’s afraid of heights,” Thane says seriously.
“I’m afraid of living, so we are both facing our fears on this ledge. Come sit,” I say. Reid sighs, but moves closer.
“Fucking crazy ass people sitting on a goddamn ledge,” Reid mutters to himself, making Thane chuckle.
“Reid, I don’t know if you can say that.” I laugh and pat his thigh when he sits next to me.
“Why are we sitting here?” Reid asks, leaning back a bit as if that will save him from falling.
"Wouldn't it suck if I just…” I say, but nudge him as though I might push him off.
“Oh shit!” he yelps, grabbing onto me. Thane and I start laughing heartily, and he grabs my chin to make me look at him.
“I’m sorry. You are fun to pick on,” I say between giggles.
“I’m trying to be a professional, but you make it really fucking hard to do that, Ayla,” Reid growls.
“Made you forget why you were sad, though,” I say, and he sinks back a bit.
“Why are we sitting here?” Reid asks again with a softer tone of voice.
“I wanted to see what it felt like to be this close to death, knowing I wouldn’t jump,” I say. “I think part of me does want to die, but that part is the little girl who was hurt. But… I want to learn how to fly.”
“Ayla… Humans can’t fly,” Reid says with a small smile.
“Metaphorically, asshole,” I laugh. “I like the feeling of being close enough to the edge to feel that little drop in your stomach, but I have the confidence to know I won’t fall.”
“Trust me?” Thane asks.
“Enough to sit on a ledge with you and let you come inside me,” I laugh. Thane moves back before turning me so my back is to the edge. He pulls me toward him before taking my hands.
“Lie back,” he says softly. I lay back and keep hold of his hands.
My shoulders lie securely on the ledge, but my head dangles.
The world is upside down as he kisses down my body.
Reid’s hand is close enough to grab, and laying like this freaks me out, so I grab his hand.
He doesn’t hesitate to grip onto me as Thane spreads my thighs.
“This is fucked up,” I remark.
Thane gently kisses my inner thigh and slowly inches up.
I spread my legs more as he wraps his arms around my thighs.
As he gently licks my pussy, I let my eyes flutter closed, and I relax.
He is gentle as he eats my pussy, softly flicking his tongue across my clit, gently sucking and biting me.
It’s fucking heaven on earth, and I am lost in a daze.
Reid moves his hands to my belly, almost like he is holding me in place.
I don’t get a chance to look up before my legs are brought up, and Thane slams into my pussy with so much force that it shoves me further over the edge.
This triggers a panic where I scream, but I’m not in a position to thrash or speak.
He just holds onto me as he violently fucks me over the edge of the building.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh my God! Thane. You’re… crazy!” I moan. “Oh. God. Yes. Yes!”
I come again, but this time I drag Thane down with me. He slows his pace as he slams into me, making me whimper. When he starts to pull out of me, he grabs my hands and pulls me up and away from the ledge. I get lightheaded from standing so fast, so he holds onto me as I try to gather my bearings.
“Whoa,” I remark.
“Go down to our private training room and clean up. When you are done, lie on the couch and wait for us,” Thane says.
“Yes, Sir,” I say. I glance back, and Reid is standing at the edge of the building, looking out. I look at Thane and mouth, “Is he okay?”
Thane shakes his head, and I sigh before walking to the door. I turn back before going inside and see Thane walk to Reid. I’m worried about Reid, and I don’t know if I will be able to focus on anything else now.