30. Clair #3
“Clair, please,” he murmured and there was so much pain in those two words that her anger softened despite herself.
“All right,” she said quietly. “Not here.”
Relief flickered across his face.
“Thank you.”
“But we are talking about it later,” she clarified.
The big Hybrid looked away.
“We will talk,” he said at last.
“Soon,” Clair emphasized.
“Yes.” He nodded.
She studied him for a moment longer, not entirely convinced. Then Maera cleared her throat gently.
“There is one other thing,” she said.
Clair groaned.
“Of course there is.”
Maera smiled.
“Nothing alarming. The Council has asked to see you both once you have recovered enough to attend.”
Clair frowned.
“Are we in trouble?”
“Quite the opposite. Varell has already transmitted the preliminary evidence from Sendar’s confession and Kaelus’s data files. The Council wishes to formally recognize what the two of you have accomplished,” Maera said.
Clair looked at Kaelus and saw that his eyes were still on the floor.
“And,” Maera continued, “There is the matter of the Vow of the Goddess.”
Clair looked at her in surprise.
“I thought we didn’t need to do that anymore.”
“Technically, you don’t.” Varell joined his wife and placed one hand lovingly at the small of her back.
“You’ve achieved your goal much faster than we could have imagined and it’s your right to go back to your Kindred Mother Ship now, without undertaking any more of our Titus Four ceremonies or custom. ”
“But we would be honored if you would stay for just one more night and take the vow,” Maera said, looking at Kaelus and then Clair.
“Varell and I feel the two of you have come so far in your relationship—even during the short time you’ve been here.
We would love to see your new harmony sealed with the Vow of the goddess. ”
Clair glanced toward Kaelus, but the big Hybrid’s expression was unreadable.
“Please just consider it,” Varell urged. “The two of you completed nearly all of the traditional preparations, and your actions today embodied the deepest meaning of the Vow more completely than many males who have spoken it.”
He looked directly at Kaelus.
“You restrained yourself rather than harming your wife, Doctor Kaelus, and when she was threatened you placed your body between hers and a weapon without hesitation. The Council would consider it an honor if you chose to complete the ceremony before you leave Titus Four.”
“Thank you.” Kaelus looked down. “But I deserve no such praise.”
“Well, just consider it.” Maera rose from the side of the bed and Varell rose with her. “You can let us know later, after you discuss it with your goddess.” She said.
And then she glided away with Varell in tow, leaving the two of them to look at each other.
“Well?” Clair asked when they were gone and it was just the two of them sitting on the side of the medical bed. “What do you think? Should we do it?”
Kaelus looked at her and for one strange heartbeat, she felt something through the barrier again. After a moment, she knew what it was—longing—an ache so fierce it made her breath catch in her throat.
Then it was gone.
“Well?” she asked again.
“There would be little purpose,” he said quietly. “Our marriage was never real.”
The words landed like a stone in Clair’s chest.
She told herself he was only stating a fact. And he was right—their marriage was just a big lie—all make-believe and pretend. The kisses, the rituals, the shared bed, the massage, the sex in the containment chamber—all of it had happened because of this mission.
Except that wasn’t entirely true anymore…at least not for her.
Clair looked up at the big Hybrid, but Kaelus wouldn’t meet her eyes. She thought about the Vow—about what Maera had told her it meant.
A male kneeling before the woman he chose and promising to give her his strength without taking her freedom—vowing to protect without controlling, to serve without demanding anything in return.
Maybe their marriage had started out as pretend, but Clair suddenly knew she wanted to hear him say those words anyway. But not if he didn’t want to say them.
“You might not want to do this whole goddess vow thing,” she said to Kaelus. “And I don’t blame you if you don’t, but—”
“I never said I didn’t want to do it,” he interrupted. “I want to—very much.”
“You do?” Clair looked at him in surprise.
He nodded.
“I would vow myself to you, Lissa’ra,” he rumbled softly. “Though I fear you would not believe my vow…or want it when…”
“When what?” Clair asked impatiently, but he only shook his head.
She got another flash of longing from him and wondered what was going on. If it wasn’t impossible, she would almost think that the two of them had formed a Soul-bond. But since it was impossible for Hybrids to bond, it must be something else.
“Fine, we’ll do it,” she said, when it became clear Kaelus wasn’t going to offer any more information.
He only nodded mutely and Clair wondered again what in the hell was wrong with him. Because somewhere behind that invisible wall between their minds, she felt another flash of sorrow.
And this time she was absolutely certain it belonged to Kaelus.