Chapter Twenty-Two
Ashort while later, Carmen was slumped down on Redford, unable to move after what he knew had been one hell of a lovemaking session. Somehow, he managed to raise his hand to stroke her back. He knew at that moment just what she meant to him.
“Carmen?”
She slowly raised her head to look down at him. “Yes?”
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
“There’s something I need to tell you, too, Redford.”
Deciding to let her go first, he asked, “What is it?”
“Since I’m doing better, there’s no need for you to hang around here any longer.”
Redford tried not to flinch at her words. “There’s not?”
“No. I’m sure you want to get back to work, and I need to start writing that book. I got an extension on the deadline and figured if I get started on it right away, I’ll be finished with it by the end of the year.”
She shifted her body to lay beside him and added, “Besides, Chandra will be returning in a couple of weeks, and since she hasn’t seen me most of the summer, I have a feeling she’ll be paying me a visit.”
He nodded. “Do you think she suspects something?”
“I doubt it. My family assumes I’ve been busy working on my book, which is why they haven’t been calling a lot lately.”
“I see.” He really did. She wanted him gone before her family arrived. Why did the thought of that bother him?
“What did you have to tell me, Redford?”
There was no way he would say what he’d intended to say. Especially now that she’d made it clear she wanted him gone. In that case, he had no reason to stay any longer. “I was basically going to say the same thing,” he lied. “Since you’re doing a lot better now, my services are no longer needed here. It’s time I go back to work. I’ve got that resort in Skagway to build, and you have that book to write.”
“Right.”
“I’ll make arrangements with my pilot to come tomorrow.”
“Okay.” She leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips. “Thanks for everything, Redford. You were a big help, and I appreciate it.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“At least we accomplished what we set out to do,” she said, looking at him.
“What’s that?”
“Bond. Although we don’t love each other, we used the time together to bond for our baby’s sake. That’s what we wanted, right?”
He stared into her eyes, thinking yes, that’s what they wanted, but in the end, he’d also gotten something he hadn’t thought he wanted. A woman he would love for the rest of his life. “Yes, that’s what we wanted.”
“Time to go to sleep now,” she suggested, resting her head in the cradle of his shoulder. He had gotten used to her sleeping that way beside him and knew in the coming nights he would miss it. He would miss her.
Redford was still awake, long after he’d detected from Carmen’s even breathing that she had fallen asleep. Sleep might have come easy for her tonight, but it hadn’t for him. He had a feeling during the coming nights, after he returned to Anchorage, he would lie awake and think of her. However, he’d never been a man who stayed where he wasn’t wanted. Nor would he remain with a woman who didn’t want him, no matter how much he might want her. Or love her.
He exhaled a long breath knowing that he’d taken a chance on love for the second time in his life. This time he had truly learned his lesson.
“I think I got everything, but if you find something I’m leaving behind, let me know,” Redford said.
“I will.”
Carmen thought he wasn’t wasting any time leaving. He had called for his jet that morning, prepared breakfast for her one last time and talked her into going for a walk around the neighborhood. When they’d returned, it hadn’t taken him long to pack after receiving word a private car would be picking him up at one o’clock.
“Will it be okay if I call and check on you and our baby sometimes?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Good.”
Taking a step closer to her, he brushed her chin with the pad of his thumb. “Take care of yourself, Carmen, and our son or daughter,” he said in that throaty voice. The one that could turn her on in an instant.
She forced a smile, fighting back the urge to tell him she didn’t want him to go. “I will.”
He leaned in and feathered kisses along her jaw. “I’m going to miss you.”
Would he really? Didn’t he understand she had to send him away? She couldn’t go through life loving a man who would never love her. The longer he was here, the more she was bound to get attached to him, and she would be setting herself up for heartbreak of the worst kind. But still, she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “I’m going to miss you, too.”
Suddenly, he kissed her fully on the mouth, capturing her tongue in his as he stroked a need within her she didn’t want to deny but knew that she must. It would be for the best. When their paths crossed again, hopefully by then she would be better equipped to deal with the only kind of relationship she and Redford would share.
Pulling her mouth away, she said, “If you don’t get going your driver will wonder what the holdup is in here.” She knew her words sounded unemotional, but she couldn’t wane on her resolution. Nodding, he took a step back before turning and walking out the door.
Carmen moved to the window and fought tears as she watched Redford get into the private car. Not once did he look back, and that made the pain in her heart worse. Knowing she needed to leave, get out of the house for a while, she decided to go walking around the neighborhood.
She needed time to think and come to terms with what she’d done to protect her heart. She had sent away the man she loved.
“I just got word from air traffic control that takeoff is being delayed for about thirty minutes due to foreign dignitaries arriving in this air space, Mr. St. James,” the pilot said over the intercom.
“Thanks, Todd.” Unfastening his seatbelt, Redford stood and stretched his body before heading for the minibar. His phone rang and the special ringtone indicated it was Sloan.
He clicked it on. “Yes, Sloan?”
“I heard that you’re returning to Alaska.”
Redford selected a bottle of bourbon from the rack. “Any reason I shouldn’t? Carmen is better now.”
“Unless you lied to me yesterday when you admitted to being in love with her, I can think of a number of reasons why you shouldn’t be leaving. Did you tell her how you felt about her?”
A part of him wished he hadn’t confessed his feelings about Carmen to Sloan. “No, I didn’t tell her. She didn’t give me the chance. She said there was no reason for me to stay, and she asked me to leave.”
“I still think you should have let her know how you feel, Redford.”
“Evidently, you didn’t hear what I said, Sloan. She all but asked me to leave.”
“Did she ask you to leave or suggest that you leave?”
Redford rolled his eyes. “What difference does it makes?”
“A big difference since the two are not the same. Do I need to remind you that Carmen thought she was your soulmate and you broke her heart when she discovered that she wasn’t? I suspect she’s trying to protect herself from further heartbreak since you haven’t told her that you have fallen in love with her. All I’m saying is that miscommunication can destroy a relationship. Trust me, I know. You remember what happened to me and Leslie for those ten years.”
Yes, Redford thought. He remembered. He and Tyler had tried a number of times to get Sloan to go to Leslie and straighten things out, but he had refused to do so. “I don’t think confessing how I feel to her is a good thing now.”
“Would it ever have been a good time for you?”
Redford frowned. “What does that mean?”
“You’ve been protecting your heart for years. Maybe it’s time to let go.”
Redford released a deep breath. “I had let go. In fact, I had intended to tell Carmen last night. But she suggested I leave before I had a chance to do so.”
“You should have done so anyway. I think you’re making a mistake by not sharing your true feelings with her. And knowing Carmen like I do, I suspect she’s doing something else, too.”
“Something else like what?” he asked.
“Giving you an out. Maybe the reason she said you should leave was so you wouldn’t feel bad about leaving her when you did so.”
Redford hadn’t thought of that possibility. “I hadn’t given Carmen any reason to think I was leaving or that I wanted to leave.” Had he?
“Well, I still think you’re making a mistake. Safe travels back to Alaska, Redford.”
“Thanks.”
After disconnecting the call, he again racked his brain. Had he given Carmen any reason to think he had wanted to leave? He then recalled the phone conversation with his vice president yesterday morning while Carmen had been in the shower. Had she overheard it and assumed those were his plans? He’d discovered showers had ears. Leslie had assumed Sloan had been in the shower when he’d overheard her conversation with Carmen about her pregnancy.
“Mr. St. James, I just got notification from the tower,” his pilot broke into his thoughts to say. “We’ll be ready to takeoff in ten minutes.”
Redford placed down the bottle of bourbon he was about to pour into a glass. He pushed the button to the intercom on the wall. “I’ve changed my mind about leaving, Todd.”
Carmen adjusted the earbuds while walking and talking to her sister. “We miss having you spend the summer here with us, Carmen. I hope you got a lot of writing done.”
Releasing a deep breath, she wanted to let her sister know she had something to tell her, but she decided to wait until Chandra returned to the States. Instead of responding to what her sister had said, she asked, “Will Mom and Dad be coming back with you guys for a short visit?”
“Yes. They plan to take a cruise out of Florida before returning to Cape Town in September. We should be back in Atlanta in two weeks.”
“I plan to come visit. I miss you guys.”
“And we miss you, too. It wasn’t the same without you.”
Carmen rounded the corner to where her townhouse was located and slowed her pace when she saw Redford getting out of the same private car he’d left in a few hours ago. “Chandra, I’ll call you back later,” she said quickly, clicking off the phone.
She increased her steps when she saw him heading toward her front door. He no longer had a key since he’d returned it before leaving. “Redford?” she called out to him. “What happened? Did you forget something?” she asked, joining him on the porch and then opening the door.
“Yes, I forgot something.”
“Oh.” She figured it must have been important for him to come back for it when she’d agreed to send him anything he had left behind.
When they entered her townhouse, he closed the door behind him. “You went walking. That’s good,” he said.
She nodded. “Trying to follow doctor’s orders.” She glanced around, not wanting to stare at him. “So what did you forget?”
He slowly moved away from the door to walk over to where she was standing. “It’s nothing I forgot per se, Carmen. I didn’t do something that I should have done before I left.”
She lifted her head to look up at him. “Oh. And what didn’t you do?”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “Tell you how I feel about you. That I have fallen in love with you and that I want you and our baby as a permanent part of my life.”
She knew her features showed her shock. “But you said you would never fall in love again. That you weren’t capable of loving anyone.”
“And I meant it when I said it. However, that was before I spent time with you here. Quality time. Meaningful time. You showed me that you aren’t like Candy. You’re different. You’re unique. You’re you. And you are who I fell in love with, Carmen. I was going to tell you last night after we made love, but before I could, you asked me to leave.”
“You were planning to leave anyway. I overheard you giving your employees notice that you were returning.”
“I only did that because I noticed you withdrawing from me over the past few days.”
Yes, she had been. “I was withdrawing because I was trying to spare my heart, Redford. I had fallen in love with you before and erroneously assumed you had fallen in love with me, too. I’d learned my lesson and didn’t want to make the same mistake again.”
He took a step closer. “I love you, Carmen, and you were right all along. You truly are my soulmate. I never knew such a thing was possible, but you’ve proved me wrong.” He wrapped his arms around her waist. “My question to you is, do you still love me?”
That was an easy answer to give. “Yes.”
“Then will you marry me? Not for the baby’s sake but for my sake? I realize how much I need and want you in my life. The thought of me, you and the baby as a family is what I want more than anything.”
“Oh, Redford,” she said, burying her face in his chest, loving his scent as usual. “Yes, I will marry you.”
Lowering his mouth to hers, he captured it and then swept her off her feet. When he carried her over to the sofa, he broke off the kiss and sat down with her in his lap. “I know you hate cold weather so we can live here if you like.”
“I want our baby to grow up loving his or her father’s homeland. I’m willing to try Alaska for a while. I’ve gotten used to the weather somewhat whenever I visit Leslie and Sloan.”
He gathered her close. “Tomorrow, we go looking for your engagement ring. I want to make it official before we bring our families into the thick of things.”
“Good idea,” she said, looking forward to meeting his family and him meeting hers.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, knowing for them the best was yet to come. They loved each other and they loved their baby. Life was good and they would be sharing it together.
“And now to celebrate our engagement.” Redford stood with her in his arms and headed for the guest bedroom. “It’s closer and we’ve never shared that particular bed.”
He placed her on the bed and then joined her. “And just so you know, Carmen,” he whispered close to her ear in that throaty voice she loved. “You and I never had sex. From the first, our experience was different. I didn’t understand why. Now I do. Every time we shared a bed, we made love. I love you.”
“I’m inclined to agree with you. And I love you, too, Redford.”
Then he kissed her with all the longing and hunger she was happy to return to him. They had a wedding to plan, but first things first.